Just need some general life advice.

LegacyUser

Hello PI,

This is My 3rd PI in less than 2 months, but mostly unrelated to my other ones.

I am gonna give some background to where this is all coming from and I hope ye can advise me a bit on my future!!!


Recently I was going out with a girl, not this girl has problems I know, and I was trying to help her through them, mostly lonliness related. She now has a new BF, After us being broken up not more than 2 weeks, as I think this is the way she has always done things, all relationships being a rebound from the first one. He New BF is Alot older than her, as far as I can tell from a picture I just saw on her MSN, I commented on it, half-joking, half-serious, saying I was alot better looking, which while I am not a Narcissist, I know I am.

He is around 25-30 and she is 18. I don't have a problem with the ages, but she considers herself alot more mature than she actually is, and I fear he could be taking advantage of that, but anyway, my previous 2 PI's were about her, and I don't want this to be, because in those PI's most of the replies said Stay away because she is a Nutjob, which while true, I still think I may be in love with her, but I am trying to quell these feelings because it is getting me down!!!


Anyway, My life, For my entire life, I have wanted to be in the Military, it has now come to a point where I am applying to join the British Armed Forces(BAF) due policies in the Irish Defence Forces which preclude me from Joining, namely, my Colour-vision.

But I happen to be someone who has two counter-acting Personalities, not a disorder, just I want to do one of two things, I am not sure which to really go for and do!!!


My second personality, is that of a Bohemian life, I don't want a house or responsibilty, at least not yet, I want to travel, see the world, climb the Pyramids, just do some whacky crazy things, I want to LIVE. I mean truly live, but I want to do this when I am young, I am 19 right now, If I had enough money to get me started I would probably leave in the morning without telling anybody!!!

To Join the BAF I have to go in before a certain age. Since I want to make it a true career I would have to join before I am 26, but I don't think I like the Idea of having a life plan!!!

I want to travel to where I want to go, but I want to be a Royal Marine Commando, I want to be free to grow my Hair and a Beard, but I want to live a military life. I want to love someone, but I want to leave.

Can ye see the contradiction.



The worst bit of all, I can't leave. I have a sister, who is 14 and in a wheelchair, My other Siblings are useless scumbags, in and out of Jail, embarrassing my Dad who is a Prison Officer. They don't help my mother, I am the only one who can or does. So I am trapped because to leave is to damn my parents lives.


As the song says, "I just don't know what to do with myself"

So can someone give me some perspective in my life!!! I really need to know where to go from here, Staying in Cork for the rest of my life will cause me to put myself in a grave, but I have my sister to care for, and I could never actually do away with myself if I had to care for her. But I don't want to be miserable, It is not something I am equipped to handle. My current existance is mindnumbingly boring, and I hate it. I have a comfortable life with all I need and most of what I want.


Am I being Selfish?

In the words of the Clash.
"Should I stay or should I rock the Casbah?"

I know this is all over the place, but I would really appreciate any advice.


Also, how should I deal with the Top situation??? I love this girl and even if she doesn't want me back I want the best for her.

Monkey61

Hi Op, quite a lot of issues all rolled into one it seems...

Right, I'll prioritise here. This is the only life you are going to get so you owe it to yourself to make the best of it and make yourself happy. It is very noble and all that to be considering your younger sister, but she is not your sole responsibility. Your parents are responsible adults too and are not entirely reliant on you. I'm sure neither they nor sister would want you to throw away your dreams because of them. Leaving is not damning your parents lives. Not leaving is damning your life though. Your parents have already lived a lot of theirs while you have yours in front of you. Your happiness and future career path will leave you in a much better position to support them twenty or thirty years down the line anyway.

Now is the time to live your bohemian lifestyle. Go for it. You have seven years before the army cut off point - which is a long time to get out there and experience life. For all you know, you may get half way up a pyramid and discover your true calling in life isn't the army after all. Or, you may realise that it really is. It's a winner either way.

Joining the army in a few years time will presumably give you opportunities for further travel anyway. Or you may only then discover that it isn't for you - but at least you will know.

As for the girl, you have to let her go. It won't be easy, but once you set off down whatever path you choose for yourself it will be easier. She has a new boyfriend and that is none of your business. Don't comment on him. It's not your business whether he is taking advantage of her or not - she's 18 years old and she's an adult. Your going to meet so many more girls when you get out there and experience the world anyway and you don't want to miss out on that.

Burial

I doubt others opinions have changed on the girl. If you want whats best for your ex gf, stop trying to act like her friend. She has a BF who will help her through her lonliness. You have too much to deal with rather than having her problems to deal with.

Talk to your parents. Try to discuss what you've said here with them. You want a different life to the life you have now. To me it sounds as though you just want to escape. As for your sibling in a wheelchair, she'll learn to live with it, as it is a handicap in life, but if your treating it as "your problem", then she'll never fully grow to live on her own and neither will you.

As for your sisters, their skints in jail are hardly going to end or increase should you follow the life you want. They are living the lives they chose. It's horrible that they're living like this, but no matter what you do only they can learn to get out of that life. Tell them you'll be there for them if needed. DON'T lend them money. It rarely helps them as they describe to you.

As for the marines, you have until your 26 to join. Thats 7 years. Save up and go travelling for a year or two and then decide. Even if this took 4 years, you'd be only 23. 3 more years to apply to the Marines.

As I've learned through the years, "live your life, not others"

turgon

Im not going to pretend that I have the experience and knowledge to discuss most of the issues you brought up, but what Monkey61 said had a lot of merit, specifically about it being your life to live.

I know its pretty tough with the girl, but shes not coming back and your going to have to deal with that. I know how it feels. Commenting on what her boyfriend looks like is not you trying to be friendly, its simply you trying to keep yourself in her life. But the sooner that you admit that its not going to happen the better you will be. Take a number of drastic steps I did - delete her off facebook and bebo, throw out all her old letters and bits and erase her phone number and old messages. This is how you will forget her, because like or not, you cant go from having a tight relationship to simply being friends because this is clearly not what you want! The easiest way is to cut the ties, and with her having a new boyfriend this will be easier.

I know now that any bit of clinging on I did at the end of my 2 year relationship was a waste of time. I got back to life proper, yeah I got bitter for a few months but eventually it will all end. It will. And you can be free over yourself and not have this hanging on your heart.

But if you keep trying to get at her, both directly and indirectly, and if you keep visiting her pages of commenting her, it will only keep her up in your mind for longer and longer.