Breaking out of friend zone!

LegacyUser

I hope this is ok in PI, reg user going unreg for this one!

So the story is i have a very close friend in college whom is amazing. We're best friends but the thing is were not exactly in the friendzone, were more like friendzone +1 if you will!

I know she likes me and she knows i like her and we want to kiss but it seems to have become a bit of a problem, its quite strange i must say.

we've been on a few "dates" just as friends but we just havent managed to kiss yet, now im seeing her again soon and im determined to do it this time, im quite sure there will be no ill effect in doing it,

problem is, i need to find a way to actually do it, if it was just some girl id have no prob going in for the kill but this is a kinda big thing! so ill prob be sitting on a couch with her so what the hell do i do??? its gotta be spontaneous i can say that much (or should i say i have to make it "look" spontaneous").

so any ideas because im at a loss and if i dont kiss her soon i'm gonna go mad!

basically im asking for some man tactics here!

P.s: please dont move this to BGRH!! :D

MizzLolly

Why has it built up into such a ''big thing'' though?

Blisterman

I know the feeling, about not knowing when to go for a kiss, but I got some advice from a friend, which has served me well. Best thing to do, is to immediatly set a tone, for physical contact. Kiss her on the cheek, when you meet her. Put your hand on her back, if you're standing together at a crowded bar etc. Try and make it natural. See how she reacts. If she reacts favourably, or even if it's no big deal, continue, gradually becoming more intimate as the night continues. (holding hands etc). If she is taken aback, take things a bit more slowly. The idea is to take gradual steps, so that a kiss, is not so much of a big step.

If you can, ask her to dance. You don't need much skill, to slow dance, just sway with her to the music. Easy to move into more intimate contact.

This is a good guage for most, but not all girls. I once went out with a girl, who I didn't kiss until the second date. Every time, I tried to move closer to her, she stepped away, or brushed my hand off. Eventually, I decided to go for broke, and spontaneously kissed her. Her reaction? "What took you so long?"
In that case, I don't know. But hopefully it'll work.

Keep us posted on how you get on, anyway. Good luck.

LegacyUser

because of the time thats passed since the time we told each other we like each other and now and the sort of missed oppertunities we've had in between! dont get me wrong im tryin to play it down an all but its bigger than just kissing any aul girl!

TheZohanS

The next time you're with her, lean over to her, smile and say "I wonder are you a good kisser", then kiss her.

It's worked for me on more than one occasion.

Have fun.

likely_lass

DO THIS PLEASE

when you leave her at the end of the night, give her a hug, walk a few feet away, call out her name when she says what say "i forgot something" and kiss her

Call Me Jimmy

That is serious mitchelstown. Don't do that.

dyl10

If you're a slick talker, at the end of your next date, say something along the lines of "I'd like to kiss you" or "Can I kiss you?".
That way you'll 100% confirm her feelings and if she doesn't shut you down, then that's it, you're in!:pac:

Weidii

Hold her hand first. It'll lead to kissage.

LegacyUser

OP here,

Thanks for all the advice so far, more opinions welcomed!

The thing is i cant just say can i kiss ya or i wonder what it would be like to kiss ya because we've already talked about it so i has to be a kind of spontaneous just grab her type thing!! yes it will have to be a bit mitchelstowny!! but i reckon shes a sucker for the romance so its all good!

Lettin her walk away before i call her back is a good idea but i think its even a bit too cheesy for me!

i might try the holdin hands thing, im due to meet her tomorrow so fingers crossed!

KiddieKrippler

you just have to go for it man!its just goin to get worse the longer you leave.i was in a similar situation myself a few years back so i know what the stuttering and stammerin lookin for a perfect time to unleash your killer lines but chances are it not goin to come!you know she likes you too so i bet she is feelin the same and thinkin whats taking you so long.(bit of a tangent but girls,it wont kill ye to make the first move sometimes!:D)

sunnyside

Blisterman wrote: »

Best thing to do, is to immediatly set a tone, for physical contact. Kiss her on the cheek, when you meet her. Put your hand on her back, if you're standing together at a crowded bar etc. Try and make it natural. See how she reacts. If she reacts favourably, or even if it's no big deal, continue, gradually becoming more intimate as the night continues. (holding hands etc). If she is taken aback, take things a bit more slowly. The idea is to take gradual steps, so that a kiss, is not so much of a big step.

.

I love this approach but it needs to happen right from the very start to be effective. The problem with it is that it could come across as sleazy. In my opinion it's only very confident people who get away with it.

I think it's difficult to make the transition from no physical contact to lots of physical contact.

OP just be brave and go for it, the awkwardness of the situation will be over before you know it.

Dublinstiofán

Is she in the same course as u in college?

If so dont go near her without thinking about if u could deal with the consequences if you broke up.

LegacyUser

yeah shes in the same course and were pretty much best mates!

Funny thing is were very open about it with each other and have discussed what would happen if it didnt work out (we said we would still stay mates which i believe to be true!) , but shes kinda a mind changer so i'd be afraid that she wasnt feelin the vibes when im gonna go in for the kill but at this stage im waaaaaay past caring so next time i see her and get even a quarter of a chance im swoopin in! (thats the plan anyways!)

@blisterman: i would already kiss her on the cheek when we meet/depart and i do try the odd touch etc.. she doesnt really react, certainly not badly, so its all good but im not gonna get a chance to be in a nightclub with her anytime soon so it will just have to be amongst the bookshelves in college!!!

Anyways i will report back after i see her, think were meetin on friday now, still to be confirmed as were up to our eyes with exams at the mo though!

Stay tuned! Watch me crash and burn live on air haha

LegacyUser

I was in a similar situation OP, but am now going out with himself for nearly 2 years. I highly recommend falling in love with one of your best friends!
The first kiss was a bit daunting cos there was such a build up to it, but that was our own fault for being too chicken to act sooner.
I say go for it when you get the chance, OP. Good luck!!
:-)

LegacyUser

Look her in the eye and say " I'm going to kiss you. You know how much I like you and I'm willing to take a chance on us"

Beruthiel

friendzone wrote: »

@blisterman: i would already kiss her on the cheek when we meet/depart

Come on young feller, this isn't rocket science!
If you already kiss her good night on the cheek, just take it that tiny bit further.
Go in for the cheek, pause, eye contact, lips.
Voila!

cantdecide

I love this thread!

OP, you're going to be alright...

minidazzler

OP, Throw Caution to the wind, let the dice fall where they may. Just go for it.

You are putting this on an awesome pedestal!!!! Have you dated anyone else in the time in which ye have been defacto Dating??? Has She????


Ye are a Defacto couple anyway, might as well go for it!!! If it fails, laugh about it, if ye are best friends, then ye will be able to get through it if ye realise ye are not right for each other!!!

qt9ukbg60ivjrn

likely_lass wrote: »

DO THIS PLEASE

when you leave her at the end of the night, give her a hug, walk a few feet away, call out her name when she says what say "i forgot something" and kiss her

he wants to kiss her, not make her laugh:p




just go out on the piss and lunge her on the dance floor, classic man move:cool:, it can never go wrong:D

Snowie

just do it, she wants to kiss you, you want to kiss her what else do you need written instruction's... serously stop thinking about it and do it like the nike add :cool:

there allsort of verried technicks but i dont wnat to sound like a prat saying them

KiddieKrippler

this is a great thread,everyone is jus givin away there pulling techniques!
OP ya gotta jus do it!

petethebrick

You seem to have both established that you like each other so is it just that you need to overcome the awkwardness of getting it on for the first time? My advice in that case is alcohol seriously, organise to spend an evening together watchin movies/just chilling out to some music even or something like that and combine it with a heap of drink. It's guranteed that you'll both soon be all over each other if the sparks are there

LegacyUser

@ unregistered re: "I'm going to kiss you. You know how much I like you and I'm willing to take a chance on us"

Get a grip man will ya im not sayin that hahaha

@ berutheil: tried that once before and we both made a balls of it somehow! long story!

@minidazzler: actually yes i was in a long term relationship when we met, and yes i fancied her through it, its ended recently(only perhaps 10% due to this girl but i had other bigger reasons) so thats why we find ourselves in this situation!

@snow-monkey: written instructions would be great mate :D


So the basic consensus is to man up and just do it so i will, as i said i *think* ill be seeing her tomorrow so here goes nothin......

Beruthiel

Jeez, after this build up you had better come back and tell us it went well!

LegacyUser

Just here to provide some solace in the event of things not going to plan. Sometimes it's nigh impossible to seal the deal man! I think we've all been there, where things should work out but for some reason they just don't materialise.

I was stuck in the dreaded 'friend zone' for months with a girl I really liked. We went to dinner a few times, and a couple of movies, but neither of us could really work out if it was a date or not. Which scuppered any notions of kissing etiquette, and even goodbyes were awkward, very stiff hugs!

As you can guess, it didn't work out. She's with someone new now (someone she used to bitch about when we were together, but that's life!). So some girls will just like to keep their options open. The longer you leave between potential romantic avenues, the worse your odds become.

Of course, at the end of the day, there's nothing wrong with settling for a good friend.

LegacyUser

Oh this threat has put a smile on my face. Oh to be back at that stage of a relationship. It's such a difficult situation to be in but I do agree a few beers/glasses of wine might just take the edge off. The chances are OP she is just waiting for you to kiss her and once you do everything will be fine and you will wonder why it took you so long to do it.
Please let us know how it went. best of luck

killerqueen

This post has put such a smile on my face. I love these moments and new relationships. I agree OP a few beers/glasses of wine might just take the edge off. She is probably just waiting for you to kiss her (she might be too shy to make the first move) and once you do all will be sorted!! and you will wonder why you didn't do it ages ago.
Go for it man and best of luck.. Keep us posted on how it goes. ;)

Dubs

well if this was a movie of sorts, which its starting to sound like, something like this would happen:
the guy is sitting at a table with his friends and the girl is sitting at a different table with her friends in your college cafeteria. The guys friends start slagging him saying he's chicken. The guy gets angry and decides to prove them by walking, determinedly, over to the girl (now if its a comedy, he'll fall and some food will fall on him or something of the likes), gently but with authority pulls her to her feet and kisses her. Then the whole place bursts out into applause and the girl and the boy leave on the horse conveniently left outside into the sunset. I mean thats a great day for everyone.

If i was you though, forgetting the major drama. When yous are walking down a deserted road one moonlit evening having a nice laugh, just the two of yous, stop, grab her hand, gently pull her towards you and just go straight for it. No dillydallying about,no thinking, just straight in. A good spur of the moment kind of thing

LegacyUser

Well unfortunaltly this isnt the movies or anything like them!

went into col today to meet her for lunch but our other mate was there so all 3 of us went for lunch (whoopee) and i didnt get 1 second alone with her, its not the other girls fault cause she assumes were just friends which we are so basically i was cockblocked!

Queue major frustration on my part! When we left she txt me within like 20 mins just saying small talk, i really wanted to say something to her but i havent mainly due to the fact that im just sick of talking about it at this stage!!

So im p1ssed off right now and i dunno whats gonna happen!

Anyways, to be continued......(maybe)

cantdecide

:DNever thought I'd ever use this phrase.






Friendzone..............go to her.

killerqueen

So OP any developments since?

kevmy

Blisterman wrote: »

I know the feeling, about not knowing when to go for a kiss, but I got some advice from a friend, which has served me well. Best thing to do, is to immediatly set a tone, for physical contact. Kiss her on the cheek, when you meet her. Put your hand on her back, if you're standing together at a crowded bar etc. Try and make it natural. See how she reacts. If she reacts favourably, or even if it's no big deal, continue, gradually becoming more intimate as the night continues. (holding hands etc). If she is taken aback, take things a bit more slowly. The idea is to take gradual steps, so that a kiss, is not so much of a big step.

If you can, ask her to dance. You don't need much skill, to slow dance, just sway with her to the music. Easy to move into more intimate contact.

petethebrick wrote: »

You seem to have both established that you like each other so is it just that you need to overcome the awkwardness of getting it on for the first time? My advice in that case is alcohol seriously, organise to spend an evening together watchin movies/just chilling out to some music even or something like that and combine it with a heap of drink. It's guranteed that you'll both soon be all over each other if the sparks are there

As someone who was recently in a similar situation a combination of the above to did it for me. Was friends with a girl for almost a year (not best buds but we always got along well). She was coming out of a long relationship when I initially met her and I didn't want to be just the rebound guy. I wouldn't be the best guy for the ladies either. Anyway long story short with the help of some booze made I the move and haven't looked back. Things going well since.

friendzone wrote: »

Well unfortunaltly this isnt the movies or anything like them!

went into col today to meet her for lunch but our other mate was there so all 3 of us went for lunch (whoopee) and i didnt get 1 second alone with her, its not the other girls fault cause she assumes were just friends which we are so basically i was cockblocked!

Queue major frustration on my part! When we left she txt me within like 20 mins just saying small talk, i really wanted to say something to her but i havent mainly due to the fact that im just sick of talking about it at this stage!!

So im p1ssed off right now and i dunno whats gonna happen!

Anyways, to be continued......(maybe)

Ok if your serious about moving this forward, ask her to do something that will get the 2 of you alone. Say going to a film or something, go to a relatively early one then when you come out just say do ya fancy a couple of pints.
Then a couple of drinks later when your loosened up just go for it. The first one needn't be great ya just need to get it out the way. Then take it from there

LegacyUser

No developments since folks but we are slap bang in the middle of exams this week so we wont have a second, after friday we have a week off so if neither of us go away, which we both might (separately) then we'll see what happens and ill be sure to update ya's!

LegacyUser

Well folks OP here,

Just thought id do a quick update!

So after the exams we both decided we'd probably be better off just staying as friends so that was that, i was happy enough to just move on and get passed it so things were all grand....


until.....


the other night we were out with the whole class in a club and we were hangin round with each other as we usually would and then BAM i kissed her haha...

havent a clue where it came from, i wasnt intending on it at all but it just happened so we spent most of the rest of that night together(just kissing ).

seen her the next day and things werent awkward or anything but we havent spoke about it since so i dunno whats goin on now to be honest....

amazingly nobody else in the class seen it i dont think!


so now what???

LegacyUser

Well done!

I was in a similar position a year ago and we're still together! Whatever ya do, dont leave it too long before spending time with her again!

Arrange to do something casual like going to a movie or for a few drinks with her, so you guys can spend some qulity time together!

The fact that nothing was arkward or regretted the next day is a really good sign!

Keep us posted, hope it keeps going well for ya!