Tuesday Quickies

rocky25

A woman, getting married for the fourth time, goes to a bridal shop and asks for a white dress.

"You can't wear white.", reminds the sales clerk,

"You've been married three times already."

"Of course I can, I'm a virgin!", says the bride.

"Impossible", says the sales clerk.

"Unfortunately not", the bride explained.

"My first husband was a psychologist. All he wanted to do was talk about it.

My second husband was a gynecologist. All he wanted to do was look at it.

My third husband was a stamp collector.... God I miss him"

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There were 2 old-maid sisters... both virgins.

It's Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says, "I'm not going to die a virgin.

I'm going out and I'm not coming home 'til I've been laid!!"

Betty says, "Well, make sure you're home by 10 so I don't worry about you."

10 o'clock rolls around and there's no sign of Gladys... 11 o'clock...12 o'clock...

Finally about 1.30 am the front door flys open.

In runs Gladys... straight to the bathroom.

Betty goes and knocks on the door, "Are you okay, Gladys??"

No answer,

so she opens the door and there sits Gladys with her panties around her ankles, legs spread, and her head stuck between her legs looking at herself.

"What is it, Gladys??? What's wrong?" asks Betty.

"Betty, it was 10 inches long when it went in... and 5 when it came out.

When I find the other half you're gonna have the time of your life!!!"

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Victoria Beckham and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when a cow ran in front of the car.

The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't - the cow was killed.

Posh told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened.

About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray.

He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and smiling happily.

"What happened?" asked Posh.

"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to me."

"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Posh.

The driver replied: "I'm Victoria Beckham's driver, and I just killed the cow."

cabla

Haha brilliant. Love the last one

dh0661

#3 is a classic , the other 2 were good too.

galwayrush

Absolute Classic Stuff.:D:D:D

megadodge

Last one was excellent.