Girls saying to give them space.

LegacyUser

So when girls say to give them some space, do they really mean it? Or are they just hoping that you will never contact them again?

i haven't had that much experience with relationships and stuff. I acted like an idiot and really hurt a girl that really liked me. I didn't think it was that bad so didn't really apologise properly at the time. This was a few months ago now. We met up after it happened and she was really mad at me and said that she could never trust me now and that she didn't want to be around me. I was heartbroken and asked her is there was anything I could do to change her mind. She said to give her some time and I said okay, I'd text her after Christmas.

It's been wrecking my head since then and I'm going to text her soon. The thing is though, I was thinking of writing her a letter, apologising for what happened and telling her that I've copped myself on and stuff. Should I do that instead of texting?

Even if I've missed my chance with her, I'd like to be her friend. But I don't want to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing and just chase her away.

Any advice would be appreciated, cos I'm clueless at this stuff.

LegacyUser

too late, the damage is done, move on!

Karen_*

Give me space means give me space and don't contact me again means just that. I think writing a letter is a lovely idea but then leave it at that and wait to hear from her. If you don't then leave her alone.

andyournameis

Oh no dude she seems that she is really mad at you....How long where you going out with her for....
Writing a letter is a good idea still you are giving her the space that she wants .... In the letter I would tell her that it is up to her to contact you... Yes I know it will be very hard to wait around to see if she will call or text but you have to play the waiting game, also with sending her the letter i would send it by registered post so you would be guaranteed that she would get it
I'm a lady.... and all we want is for men to be honest
Best of luck

rondog

Not being nosey but what did u do?

Surely it couldnt have been that bad if you didnt even notice it.Unless shes using this as an excuse and just wants to enjoy her xmas,play around and then have you waiting on her

kittensoft1984

I think writing a letter is a good idea.

When you said you would text her after Xmas, what did she say?

How long ago was it that it happened? It all depends on the answer to these questions really.

When you write the letter and send it leave it until she contacts you.

If she doesnt, then you need to decide if she is worth waiting for. But be aware that you could be waiting a long time...

SamuelFox

Writing a letter is a good idea, you can say a lot in a letter that can't be said in a text, and without the risk of getting nervous and saying the wrong thing that can happen when you do it face to face. Be careful how you word things tho- letters can be kept and re-read so make sure you say what you mean and don't leave it open to interpretation. Its easier said than done tho. Maybe send some roses with the letter?

In regard to "giving her space" - my ex is telling me thats what she wants too. Whether that is her way of saying "its over, but I don't want the drama that saying that might cause" or she actually means just that, or doesn't know herself is anyones guess. I've taken it that she wants it to be over, if she comes back its a bonus but I'm not holding my breath. In your case, if the letter doesn't work then maybe its time to write it off.

One last thing - I don't know what you did that you need to apologise for. If you actually did something bad, fair enough. But make sure you aren't trying to apologise for something that you didn't do in order to repair the relationship. Guys often blame themselves for a break-up when it might not be their fault, building minor disagreements into major things in order to understand the girls reason for finishing it. A letter from you apologising for not putting the toilet seat down and promising to reform is a waste of paper. If there is something to apologise for, do it. If not then rethink what goes in the letter, or whether you should send it at all.

Best of luck man!

Wibbs

Space generally means "go away, I'm not interested".

Now where I do diverge from the others is in regard to the letter. I wouldn't. Too much chance of backfire. Yes it sounds like a nice idea etc, but I presume you've already apologised, so leave it at that.

She didn't accept that or at least not to the degree that you had hoped for. That's her right too as it is your responsibility to accept that as the one who screwed up.

IMHO a letter will not make a diff and may actually make you look like a saddo or make her even more píssed off that you're pushing it. If I wanted space and specifically asked for it from someone and they sent me a letter? I would read it yes but I would also be aware that they're not writing the letter for me, but just as much if not more because of the guilt they're feeling. Fine, but it wouldn't enamour me to them. I'd likely think the same of them as before. The only scenario I could see where a letter would have an effect on me is where they didn't apologise in the first place. But hey I'm weird so...

If you need the catharsis of writing a letter, well then do. Write all your feelings down and then sleep on it. Sleep on it some more. Try a week later, then read it again. Then throw it in the fire. That's my take anyway.

I work on the principle that if I screw up, I should then apologise and no mistake. I apologise unreservedly and try to make things right. I learn from it and don't do it a second time. I do that once. If it's not accepted then I accept that and move on. If they want to milk my screwup for whatever reason I don't buy into that. Buy a cow if you wanna milk something.

How do you interact with her? Give her space. Don't try to be her friend. Not now. You have other friends so give them your time and give yourself time. Look back on your screwup and think about the whys and wherefores of the situation. You may find with honest recollection that she over reacted or indeed that she was dead right. Either way, learn from that, try not to do it again and move on. ten years hence you'll have forgotten this. Trust me.

Down the line you may be friends and that's cool, but I would give it time and what she has wisely already suggested, space.