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relationship sex therapy

  • 13-01-2009 8:35am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    hi
    im in a long term relationship of 5 years and due to get married next year. we moved in together last autumn. sex between us previous to this had always been good but restricted because we lived at home and i shared a room, so when we were able to have some privacy she always felt she couldnt relax and let go and said that once we get our own place we could do whatever we liked when we liked. ie (sex in different places, oral sex, toys etc just usual variety).

    now that we are living together for 4-5 months nothing has really changed and im very frustrated about this, she's not interested in anything other than massages and missionary (which i like too) but not all the time! it seems thats all she needs out sex, iv suggested sex in different positions/places, tried to get her interested in oral (for both of us), we've bought books and soft porn dvds but she wont read/watch them or talk about sex, a converstaion is just one way , sex is always initiated by me its like sex wouldn't happen at all unless i start it.

    im getting really frustrated with this. i love her to bits and cant wait to get married to her but this issue is really getting to me. have people had relationship sex therapy and does it work? or are two mis-matched libidos just something one has to live with if for the sake of love? sorry for the long thread and i know it may be a familiar rant, but i just feel im out of ideas


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    We did see a therapist on a different issue. We had an issue of where sex hurt my wife a lot no matter how much foreplay there was. We visited a therapist who got us to set times a side for sex. This started with just messages to get relaxed and with a mock date of dinner and relaxation. It really helped to set time aside and take things really easy.
    It might be worth trying this first it feels kind of weird but it worked for us.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Let her follow the leader I would say. However, you really should be watching educational DVDs not soft porn, you should be reading the educational books and practicing with her, but not making a point that it was on p83 and you put a postit note on it to try it out tonight. You should read up and learn about good oral techniques then try all of this spontaneously, that kind of puts the shoe on the other foot for her. Maybe learn how you'd like her to do it to you and gentle suggest it. Whatever about different libidos, I really hate it when women act like I am the one making love to her. Some effort on her part is also required - we are meant to be making love with each other, and it turns me on and makes me feel appreciated when she also initiates, why wouldn't she want do this? If she makes no effort and she has a lower libido, I'm not going to be looking forward to it as much, and then it becomes an issue. If it was better quality I think I could manage less quantity. Maybe your fiance has hang ups about the whole thing, maybe you are both sexually incompatible - it happens.


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