Huge mistake can't stop feeling guilty

LegacyUser

Not really sure how to word this as I never managed to get it straight in my head.
History:
Been with my DH for 16 years now, married for 4. I was 18 when we met and he was my first and only sexual partner, likewise for him. I would have liked to be more experienced (bedroom stuff pretty sedate IYKWIM) it often played on my mind however I never ever acted upon those thoughts or put myself in a position where I gave a guy any mixed signals.

2 years ago at the wedding of some college friends I managed to get myself absolutely legless drunk - I hadn’t eaten much and had a few shots with a few people including the partner of my best friend whom I never really liked. No reason specifically I was just instinctively a little wary of him. I had also drank wine at the meal and vodka later on. Totally not like me I am usually careful and slow down/stop when I go past the merry stage . To cut a long story short, I got extremely drunk and was sick in the toilets. I remember calling for my best friend (who was bridesmaid) and I remember she and DH walked/carried me out of the toilets. They had decided that I was not capable of getting back to the B&B and as she had been given a family room that i should stay in their room. They put me to bed – My memory is a blank after getting into the lift. DH went back to the B&B as all our stuff was there and my friend went back to the reception. Im guessing this was about midnight. At some point her partner came in – or he could have already been there I don’t know. She said she came to bed around 4am when she checked on me I was still passed out in the single her partner was sound asleep in the other part of the room (there was a partial wall between rooms).
I woke next morning feeling worse than I have ever felt before with the room spinning and no recollection or most of the night even prior to being sick. I remember my wrist was aching as though Id been lying on it then realised my tights were wrapped tightly around it. I didn’t take much notice figured I was lucky I hadn’t strangled myself with them, I was so sick i wouldn’t have taken notice of much. DH brought my clothes from the B&B and he and my friends fella went downstairs while My friend helped me to dress. As they were chatting the bloke made some comment about “having” me the night before..He has an odd sense of humour anyway and DH passed it off. Mentioned it to me in passing later and I did likewise. I should add I have never suffered memory loss after drinking before but I have never gotten myself into such a state either.
A couple of weeks later my friend and her fella broke up. She said they hadn’t been getting along for a while. Didnt go into detail. She was upset so I didn’t push it. The following weekend I was out with some other girlfriends and met into the guy on my way back from the loo, he asked if I wanted to go back into the loos for a “repeat performance” He wasn’t joking. Call me stupid but that was the first time it even dawned on me that something might have happened that night. I hadn’t noticed anything physically at the time but was so sick and hungover I doubt if I would have unless it was blatantly obvious. He also said I instigated it. (normally the only thing I want in bed after a few drinks is sleep but I keep thinking maybe i wanted to see what sex was like with someone else. At least thats the only explanation I can come up with) I feel so cheap and guilty. I never told DH or my friend what we did, or what I think we did. Its been playing on my mind ever since –Am considering having hypnosis to find out what , if anything really happened. However if I found out I came onto him I don’t think I could ever live with the shame.
I know I was a total moron – I have no problem with anyone here saying it but I really need advice on whether to find out the truth, would hypnosis or counselling help (useless at talking about feelings)or is it better to not know. I have been living with the guilt so long can it get any worse? I really need to put this behind me and move on but just as i think I have something triggers it and I feel dirty and guilty all over again.

Puddleduck

Ok, this is rape. While I dont want to worry you Id get down the doctor and just get tested to be safe. You have nothing to be ashamed of and it wouldnt suprise me if scum like this used the 'You wanted it, you led me on' line to make you second guess yourself. You were passed out drunk, I doubt you were in any condition to do anything. Regardless, this was your wedding, what did he think he was doing in the first place?

I would have no qualms about letting your husband know whats happened, even if this 'friend' is joking, the jokes are highly innappropriate and Im sure your husband wouldnt approve.

Its natural to always think the grass is always greener, most times it isnt.

partyguinness

Puddleduck wrote: »

Ok, this is rape. While I dont want to worry you Id get down the doctor and just get tested to be safe. You have nothing to be ashamed of and it wouldnt suprise me if scum like this used the 'You wanted it, you led me on' line to make you second guess yourself. You were passed out drunk, I doubt you were in any condition to do anything. Regardless, this was your wedding, what did he think he was doing in the first place?

I would have no qualms about letting your husband know whats happened, even if this 'friend' is joking, the jokes are highly innappropriate and Im sure your husband wouldnt approve.

Its natural to always think the grass is always greener, most times it isnt.

Rape? Where is the evidence of sexual intercourse or of anything for that matter?

There is none. .

What happened is unclear. The OP feels terrible but throwing around accusations of rape is sensationalist and unhelpful and can only compound her anxiety. Choose your words carefully.

OP- I feel very sorry for you. Get tested and maybe in time you will remember somethying. The hypnosis might nto be a bad idea. Good luck with it.

Aloysius Flyte

OP, I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you.

Like what puddleduck said, what happened to you was rape and you have done nothing wrong. From what you said about the state you were in, I can't imagine you instigating anything! Are you sure that your drink wasn't tampered with? How horrible. What an absolute creep.

Hypnosis can be a good way to bring back memory blanks and it has worked for people.

You also need to talk to DH about it. I'm so sorry that you had to experience something like that. You also need to get yourself tested for STD's.

LegacyUser

This was not rape, if anything happened at all. A woman with alcohol who says yes, means yes, not "check back with me when I'm sober"

OP? Do nothing, and say nothing. Nothing happened apart from a little bit of over-indulgence. We all make mistakes, you made a small one (the alcohol), nothing more, nothing less. It does seem to be a female trait to worry excessively about "what if", or what "might have ".

Don't mess up what you have.

partyguinness

"Rape" is defined as having sexual intercourse with someone without their consent.

What is the evidence for that? Sore wrists and a throwaway comment?

Please people show some responsiblity and sensitivity towards the OP.

Puddleduck

partyguinness wrote: »

"Rape" is defined as having sexual intercourse with someone without their consent.

What is the evidence for that? Sore wrists and a throwaway comment?

Please people show some responsiblity and sensitivity towards the OP.

A throw away comment? He said twice that he had intercourse with her and wanted a repeat performance. If he wants to go around bragging about it it should be made clear that she wasnt in any condition to give her consent.

Caryatnid

Puddleduck/Aloysius Flyte - just because a woman had sex with another man when she was very drunk DOES NOT MEAN SHE WAS DRUNK. I'm actually amazed at your comments.

There is no evidence that it was rape - the OP actually seems to be thinking that it was HER that instigated it. The OP clearly feels bad enough and for you to make statements like this, is absolutely outrageous.

OP - I have no idea if hypnosis would work - but as this is so hard for you to deal with, I would think that counselling would help. I do not think that you would be able to talk to your best friend or husband about it - it would sound as if you are lying because a typical 'excuse' from people who do the dirt is they were drunk/can't remember anything.

Aloysius Flyte

partyguinness wrote: »

"Rape" is defined as having sexual intercourse with someone without their consent.

What is the evidence for that? Sore wrists and a throwaway comment?

Please people show some responsiblity and sensitivity towards the OP.

You might want to read the further down the paragraph on the definition of rape.

You can give consent and it still can be rape, if you are a minor or incapacitated. The OP was clearly incapaciated by virtue of the fact she was inebriated.

So before you start throwing judgements at people, you need to be accurate.

This is not pleasant for the OP to hear, but it is the truth. She did nothing wrong and its not her fault.

Wagon

Quick question for you OP. You mentioned you never got this drunk before. The memory blanks, sickness, general messiness etc... did that come on very suddenly? If it did, then your drink could have been spiked.

Regardless if it was or not then it isn't your fault. you were out of it completely. I can't really imagine any decent man willingly getting anyone in the sack in that state. I doubt you were up for it either so don't go feeling the guilt. Look into it a bit more, hypnosis is a good way to start if you want to remember more.

Puddleduck

Caryatnid wrote: »

Puddleduck/Aloysius Flyte - just because a woman had sex with another man when she was very drunk DOES NOT MEAN SHE WAS DRUNK. I'm actually amazed at your comments.

There is no evidence that it was rape - the OP actually seems to be thinking that it was HER that instigated it. The OP clearly feels bad enough and for you to make statements like this, is absolutely outrageous.

OP - I have no idea if hypnosis would work - but as this is so hard for you to deal with, I would think that counselling would help. I do not think that you would be able to talk to your best friend or husband about it - it would sound as if you are lying because a typical 'excuse' from people who do the dirt is they were drunk/can't remember anything.

Im amazed that others havent said what I have. I presume that your caps is supposed to read 'Does not mean she was raped'. Yes, the OP presumes it was her that instigated it, because the guy who may have done the deed suggested it.
I dont see that she has anything to hide, if she blacked out after the lifts then shes hardly capable of giving consent.

Dublinstiofán

Aloysius Flyte wrote: »

She did nothing wrong and its not her fault.

Wouldn't agree with you on that now. The OP got so intoxicated that the next day she couldn't remember anything from the night before.

I'm not condoning what happened but by acting the way she did got her in the dangerious position she found herself in.

Tell your husband, it's the least you can do. He should know and go from there.

Das Kitty

OP you're going to need to tell your husband. You are going to need his support.

Expect him to go through a range of emotions (he may blame you for a while) but in the end you've been together for 16 years, he knows you, and will realise it's not your fault.

You poor duck, I'd love to give you a big hug.

xxx

shellyboo

Dublinstiofán wrote: »

Wouldn't agree with you on that now. The OP got so intoxicated that the next day she couldn't remember anything from the night before.

I'm not condoning what happened but by acting the way she did got her in the dangerious position she found her in.

Tell your husband, it's the least you can do. He should know and go from there.

I was waiting for this. She was 'asking for it' because she got drunk. No wonder women are so afraid to come forward about rape with attitudes like this. Are you honestly saying that a woman so incapacitated that she was raped and blanked it out should share some of the blame because she was drunk? What if you were drunk and got mugged or beaten up, would that be your fault too?

smileykey

You were in no fit state to give consent and any decent man with any morals and respect would not have gone near you, even if you were the one who instigated it. You have nothing to feel guilty for. Its up to you how you define it, no one can tell you you were raped or anything else, thats something you can only figure out yourself. But having said that the memories are unlikely to come back at this stage so I suggest you stop torturing yourself trying to find out what happened that night. I don't think many therapists would be comfortable using hypnosis to help try bring back these memories given the power of suggestion, etc. Although I could be wrong on that. But if you feel a need to you could always see a counceller and just talk how you feel about this out. Maybe that would offer some help.

If keeping this from your husband is troubling you or your marriage, i'd suggest telling him, in much the same way as you have told us. But then again only you know how he is likley to take this. I don't think anyone would but the blame on you for this though. And you have nothing to be ashamed about, I hope you don't blame yourself because you really shouldn't.

I'm very sorry you experinced this and I hope you and your marriage will come through this ok.

davmol

I cannot believe you people are throwing around the word 'rape' so flippantly.
The OP was clearly conscious(not incapacitated),as she instigated as per the other party involved.Just because someone has memory loss does NOT mean they werent fully capable and conscious of what they were doing before they fell asleep.The OP probably seemed well in control of her senses leading the other party to believe she was giving consent and by teh sounds of things she certainly was.

Its very dangerous and can ruin someones life if you go around claiming rape in circumstances like that when the OP hasnt a clue if she was the instigator.

How many people- men and women wake up each weekend without recollection of how they were the night before or if they slept with someone!!So its not wise to shout rape in these circumstances.

partyguinness

There is also a good chance that the OP did in fact instigate it..

She doesnt know..she admits that she may have an underlying desire to have sex with someone else...

Also I find it strange that this man would pass several smart comments on a supposed rape?? No matter how sleazy he is.

Also she didnt appear to be physicaly sore afterwards? Surely a woman would know about it if she had been forced upon (without having to get into specifics and I know what she says about hangover etc)...open to correction on this.

Fact is the OP does not know what happened...she may have been raped or she may have instigated it and just doesnt remember.

There are 2 sides to every story.

MagicMarker

Ok, calm down people.

From the information we have been given none of us can come to the conclusion that the OP was raped.

A guy would have to be pretty stupid to take advantage of a girl when she's unconscious and then bring it up the next day asking for a repeat performance.

All we know is that they had sex (so long as he's not lying, why would he?) and that the OP doesn't remember the night before. That does not equal rape.

Aloysius Flyte

The OP has no memory of anything happening.

The man said she instigated it. I think you'll find that comment is the defence of most people who have been accused of rape.

Whether she'd get a conviction is another story.

Many people lives have also been ruined by being raped, but they are too scared to come forward.

We are getting off the topic here. The OP has asked for help not an argument on what defines rape

Dublinstiofán

shellyboo wrote: »

I was waiting for this. She was 'asking for it' because she got drunk. No wonder women are so afraid to come forward about rape with attitudes like this. Are you honestly saying that a woman so incapacitated that she was raped and blanked it out should share some of the blame because she was drunk? What if you were drunk and got mugged or beaten up, would that be your fault too?

Looking for a man to pick on Shelly, eh?

Firstly, If I was drunk and was mugged I would fully believe that it was my more my fault than the muggers. As if I wasn't drunk at all it probably would not have happened. The mugger would have taken advantage of my situation.

Its a similar situation here really. This guy may or may not have taken advantage of her situation. Or maybe as the OP admits she just wanted to have sex with someone else and did all the dirty work. We will never know.

If your a rape victim and went to a garda station i'm betting you would most certainly be automatically offered a famale member of the force to talk to. I'd imagine the very last reason women would be afraid coming forward in this situation would be because of my comment on boards.ie.

I clearly said I didn't condone it in any way. But I have no sympathy for the girl. Personally i think the husband is also to blame for leaving her in a room with somebody he didn't know.

Anybody (man or woman) who gets that drunk (vodka, wine and shots) and are not able to control their own actions are asking for trouble.

The girl is confused and doesn't know what happened so i'd suggest she try to find out. She must really have been buckled if she cant remember if the guy was in the room or not when she was put into it.

shellyboo

davmol wrote: »

The OP was clearly conscious(not incapacitated),as she instigated as per the other party involved.

She did NOT instigate. If we're not taking the OP's word, then why are we taking the other guy's? She said HE TOLD HER she instigated it. That does not mean she did.

davmol wrote: »

Just because someone has memory loss does NOT mean they werent fully capable and conscious of what they were doing before they fell asleep.The OP probably seemed well in control of her senses leading the other party to believe she was giving consent and by teh sounds of things she certainly was.

I'm sorry, the sound of what things? The fact that she was curious about having sex with someone other than her husband does not mean she wanted to have sex with this man - a man she previously disliked. Also, I'd dispute the fact that she was well in control of her sense. Does someone who needs help to get to a bedroom in a hotel - someone SO DRUNK that her husband wouldn't take her out of the goddamn hotel to their B&B - sound like they're in full control of their senses?! Give me a break.

partyguinness wrote: »

There is also a good chance that the OP did in fact instigate it..

She doesnt know..she admits that she may have an underlying desire to have sex with someone else...

But she's never liked this guy. Why would she consent to having sex with someone she's never liked? Even if there's a "good chance" she DID instigate it, surely there's an equal chance that she didn't? And if she didn't, then she was raped. I cannot believe people are suggesting that she discount this possibilty.

partyguinness wrote: »

Also I find it strange that this man would pass several smart comments on a supposed rape?? No matter how sleazy he is.

To be fair, I'd think that a man capable of rape is capable of pretty much anything, no?

partyguinness wrote: »

Fact is the OP does not know what happened...she may have been raped or she may have instigated it and just doesnt remember.

There are 2 sides to every story.

Yes, she doesn't know... but she needs to find out.

Burial

First off, OP don't feel guilty. This may or may not have happened. Your believing some creep.

Secondly, noone here is an expert in law. Goto a Lawyer/Garda and explain to him/her the situation. They'll find out/know if it was rape or not.

Thirdly, I suggest telling your DH. I know you don't want to, but going to hypnotherapy without him knowing, will lead to more lies, and lies are best left avoided. Just tell him this guy keeps saying he had sex with you that night but you were passed out on the bed and your worried he raped you.

Fourthly and finally, get checked for STD's. Whether what he says is true or not, a test wouldn't hurt anyway. Getting a clean bill of health is always a good thing.

*EDIT*

I hear hypnotherpy works for some people, but for others it doesn't so I'd say give it a go.

Hard Larry

@OP

This all seems strange, any guy I know who did something like that wouldn't go bragging or even mentioning it to whatever girls husband/BF next morning.

It sounds to me this guy is just a jackass and probably tryed it on but got scared that his missus would walk in on you.
Its only his word...and in his brief description you gave it don't sound like much to me.

Maybe ask your friend in passing conversation why the 2 of them split up. Might shed some light on the whole affair

Oh and give up the drink.

partyguinness

OP- do you think it would be worth meeting this guy and asking him what happened?

And just let him talk. If it becomes clear that sexual intercourse took place then point out firmly that you didnt consent therefore he raped you.. and you are seriously considering your options.

This should put the frighteners into him..and may be some satisfaction.

Also I think you should talk about it to someone...it has been eating you for two years...tell your husband...he will shocked and angry...with the culprit..not you.

MagicMarker

partyguinness wrote: »

And just let him talk. If it becomes clear that sexual intercourse took place then point out firmly that you didnt consent therefore he raped you.. and you are seriously considering your options.

What if she did consent?

Seriously guys, throwing around the word rape when there's absolutely nothing to suggest it is completely stupid.

Until/if the OP specifically remembers what happened then only then can she do whatever it is she needs to do!

We're talking about a mans life here, it would be completely destroyed if you just start throwing around accusations.

Innocent until proven guilty.

Das Kitty

Hard Larry wrote: »

@OP

This all seems strange, any guy I know who did something like that wouldn't go bragging or even mentioning it to whatever girls husband/BF next morning

He probably doesn't class it as rape in his own head. This can be the case in even more clear cut situations. A friend of mine was raped when she was 16 by her boyfriend's brother. Her boyfriend had been bragging to his brother about how she was mad for sex and the brother took this as meaning from anyone. He basically took her somewhere secluded under the guise of bringing her home and forced himself on her. To this day he still doesn't think this was rape, she never said anything to him about it, she didn't want to label it as it would seem bigger in her head, but it was what it was.

Nevyn

Right.
Debating what is and is not rape is NOT helpful and is off topic take it to humanities people or I will start handing out bans.

If you are drunk when you sign a legal contract then you are not held to it by law. IF you are drunk to the extent that you are falling about the place then you can not consent and anyone who takes advantage of a person in such a condition is quiet frankly scum and doubly so if they got the person that drunk in the first place.

OP you need to talk to people who can help you piece together what happened and who can help you make the best decisons and to deal with what may have happened so you can get on with your life.

http://www.drcc.ie/
Freephone 1 800 778 888

Yes counseling will help with this.

partyguinness

MagicMarker wrote: »

What if she did consent?

Seriously guys, throwing around the word rape when there's absolutely nothing to suggest it is completely stupid.

Until/if the OP specifically remembers what happened then only then can she do whatever it is she needs to do!

We're talking about a mans life here, it would be completely destroyed if you just start throwing around accusations.

Innocent until proven guilty.

Well that was my point..maybe she did consent..but I think she is on a quest for the truth..so he is the only one who can shine some light on what happened...

Nevyn

partyguinness wrote: »

Well that was my point..maybe she did consent..but I think she is on a quest for the truth..so he is the only one who can shine some light on what happened...

There are 3 sides to the truth and he may not be forthcoming or honest with her, I think she would be better off getting professional help on this matter.

smileykey

Could you not set up a a thread to have this arguement! I don't think any of this is helpful to op! Its just cruel, she asked for advice not an online trial

Legally nothing will become of this, there is no proof of anything. What matters is how OP defines it as that will affect how she deals with it and what she might do about it. None of us can tell her how she feels about something or what an event can mean to her so why are you having this conversation here??

LegacyUser

I doubt this guy is going to tell you the proper truth of what happened, if you think hypnosis might work then by all means go for it, even just to clear things up in your own head.

You said at the start that this incident was at a wedding two years ago, and your friend broke up with him a few weeks later & that you ran into him about that time. Can I ask what has brought this up again now (or have I got the timeline completely wrong)?

mountainyman

While it is unclear if this is rape or not the OP hasn't alleged rape and a prosecution would be unsuccessful.

OP if this scumbag comes near you again tell him to stay away or you will get the living **** beaten out of him and go about doing it.

LegacyUser

I doubt if my drink was spiked. Over the course of the day I ate too little, drank too much and to top it off Im petite so prob cant hold as much alcohol as most. I chose to down a few baby guinness (even more stupid cos I hate them) on top of a glass of white wine Id had earlier and a vodka later on. He is a light drugs user and probably could get stuff to spike drinks easily, however he didnt need to - I got myself inebriated and have no one to blame for the vunerable position I ended up in only myself. The fault lies firmly with me.

Since posting originally I googled therapists in my area and will make an appointment to see a hypnotherapist. Hate the thoughts of my instigating "it", if "it" really did happen but not knowing is driving me crazy. As for it being rape, that dosnt even bear thinking about. If I was just reading this thread I would probably think it was a possibility. I just dont want to go there.

The potential for STIs never even entered my head. Will get checked straight away. My mind is working faster than I can type. The latter 2 issues have me freaked.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Unregistered wrote: »

I doubt if my drink was spiked. Over the course of the day I ate too little, drank too much and to top it off Im petite so prob cant hold as much alcohol as most. I chose to down a few baby guinness (even more stupid cos I hate them) on top of a glass of white wine Id had earlier and a vodka later on. He is a light drugs user and probably could get stuff to spike drinks easily, however he didnt need to - I got myself inebriated and have no one to blame for the vunerable position I ended up in only myself. The fault lies firmly with me.

Since posting originally I googled therapists in my area and will make an appointment to see a hypnotherapist. Hate the thoughts of my instigating "it", if "it" really did happen but not knowing is driving me crazy. As for it being rape, that dosnt even bear thinking about. If I was just reading this thread I would probably think it was a possibility. I just dont want to go there.

The potential for STIs never even entered my head. Will get checked straight away. My mind is working faster than I can type. The latter 2 issues have me freaked.

My advice would be to not read any more replies on this thread. Too many variables & too many stupid opinions/seperate agendas. Take it to professionals from here. Ask a doctor to recommend a hypnotherapist if going down that route.

Pub07

Puddleduck wrote: »

Ok, this is rape.

Since when did someone getting so drunk that they dont remember sleeping with someone equal rape? It certainly doesn't sound like rape anyway as yer man would have to be utterly retarded to start antagonising a girl he raped and asking her for a repeat performance when he met her again, in any case the op has absolutely no idea what happened as she was blacked out from the drink.

Just because she suffered memory loss doesn't mean she was incapacitated, lying there half conscious while yer man had his way with her - You can be blacked out and still be walking around, talking and functioning for several hours and have zero memory of it, I know this for a fact as its been happening too much to me lately and its not pleasant hearing about stuff you did/seeing photos of yourself when you are in that state. Every single time Ive blacked out Ive been fully functioning, not once have I been incapacitated. It's an outrageous comment to make 'Ok, this is rape', when there is absolutely no evidence of it.

Wibbs

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

My advice would be to not read any more replies on this thread. Too many variables & too many stupid opinions/seperate agendas. Take it to professionals from here. Ask a doctor to recommend a hypnotherapist if going down that route.

I completely agree.

Wibbs

Thaedydal has already issued a warning about debating whether this is a rape issue. The next one gets a ban for their trouble. Thanks

Peewee_lane

Im with Smileykey on this one. Tell your husband and the two of you can work through it, you're married and in a relationship and you should be able to pull together, not pull apart.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

Unreg- yes the time line is correct. Their anniversary was over Christmas and we had been in contact. Of course they know none of this and think the descriotion of me looking like a "rabbit in the headlights" is hilarious.
I have in the past 6 weeks stopped breastfeeding our 7 month old son and hormones have been wreaking havoc nothing as severe as PND but I have been a bit down lately, to be expected. However its something thats always just under the surface IYKWIM



"The OP was clearly conscious(not incapacitated),as she instigated as per the other party involved.Just because someone has memory loss does NOT mean they werent fully capable and conscious of what they were doing before they fell asleep.The OP probably seemed well in control of her senses leading the other party to believe she was giving consent and by teh sounds of things she certainly was".


DH and my friend were on the verge of calling an ambulance to have my stomach pumped. Eyes bulging in soccets face drooping, the works. Only reason they didnt was they didnt want to ruin te wedding and cause me untold embarrassment.(wish they had) No idea why DH didnt stay too there was 2 singles I guess he was pissed at me for getting into such a state, or maybe he was drunk himself - he drinks heavily. I remember tiny snippets here and there of the night, possibly 5 minutes combined since I drank the shots.



"She doesnt know..she admits that she may have an underlying desire to have sex with someone else..."

Its the only explanation I can come up with as to why I would instigate it, however I have had lots of opportunities in the past where I would have never been caught: college, 3 and 6 month work assignments in 2 other countries etc and never once allowed a guy to get "the wrong idea" Have always been pretty proud of the fact that I was always faithful.



Also I find it strange that this man would pass several smart comments on a supposed rape?? No matter how sleazy he is."


Me too. especially as DH towers over him. thats why we laughted it off initially.



"It sounds to me this guy is just a jackass and probably tryed it on but got scared that his missus would walk in on you.
Its only his word...and in his brief description you gave it don't sound like much to me."

God, I hope so. Hopefully the hypnosis will resolve it. Very cautious when and where I drink these days. Glass of wine at home and Designated driver in rare occasions we do get out. Lesson learned the hard way.



p.s. sorry I dont know how to add quotes properly.