Missing : The wants and the needs of a woman my age

St Bill

I was just reading the thread 'What do you miss about being in a relationship?' and it struck me that I had absolutely nothing to add to it. It's so long since I've been in a proper relationship that I've forgotten what it's like! Such a nice thread (it's nice to look over old relationships and see the good in them) however I read it like I would read about a car crash, it hasn't affected me so I can only understand on a superficial level about the emotions and/or worries involved.
What's worrying me a bit at the moment though is that the thoughts of actually getting into a relationship with someone leaves me cold, the whole rigmarole of getting to know someone, getting close to them, compromising and having nothing to show for it just doesn't appeal to me whatsoever. I've lost that over-whelming feeling I used to have of wanting to get to know someone and figuring out what makes them tick. What it boils down to is I really couldn't be a*sed anymore!
I keep reading threads about women who are worried that they're not married/going out with someone, their biological clocks are ticking etc and these threads don't resonate with me at all. Is there anyone here who couldn't be bothered with the whole song and dance routine, in essence given up on the charade? (which is how I view it, doesn't mean it is a charade) Has anyone been through something like this already, is it just a phase? Am I just world-weary? Or am I just being a selfish cow?!!

banshee_bones

i think what your experincing is totally normal.

i think everyone goes through that phase. Personaly feeling a little not frikking bothered anymore but for a host of reasons.
Firstly havent recently got out of a three year complicated stint with someone. and also having realised how many ass****s are out there and i know the men will slate me for this but i dont care.

Having spoken to a male friend last night we had a lenghtly conversation about how me, and his other two female friends have been telling him about all their experinces with all the ass****s out there, he was shocked he could not understand how two beautiful,intelligent,good looking women such as me and my friend were getting these ass****s! and he used that word as much as i did!

I honestly dont know what to do anymore! even when your being nice, they still continue with bad effing behaviour. Sorry i know this is probably alittle off topic rant but in essence what im trying to say is that i really would not blame you for feeling the way you do, and kudos to you for being true to yourself and not just settling for just anybody!

LolaLuv

That thread seems silly to me. I might miss certain aspects of people I've been with in the past, or maybe being in love itself, but I don't really miss relationships as such. It seems to cheapen things when you reduce relationships to cuddles and whatever else those folks are saying, like it takes away the fact that you loved the person you were with and instead you loved what they did for you.

metrovelvet

St Bill- I feel exactly the same. Total apathy/indolence about it. Coulnt be bothered. Dont feel the fear of loneliness, dont feel the pressure [never did to be honest - think I could be 50 and still not feel it], even if it happened, the way I feel about it now, is Id be so lazy and indifferent it wouldn't be rewarding for either party. Seems like too much hassle basically.

pow wow

I'm dying to ask what age you are now!! :cool:

cocoa

banshee_bones wrote: »

Firstly havent recently got out of a three year complicated stint with someone. and also having realised how many ass****s are out there and i know the men will slate me for this but i dont care.

Nope, no slating Personally I'd agree with you, there's plenty of stupid, boring horrible people out there. No shame in calling it like you see it

Trinity

You are normal!

No point getting into a relationship because thats what society expects you to do.

I've spent my whole life being "a commmitment phobe" and am now in a serious LTR. I can safely say if we ever break up, i have no desire to ever get into another relationship.

Its funny how we are surprised to see spinsters and batchelors over 30, even my OHs uncle never married and its a real talking point, oh he must be gay or must have gotten his heart broken blah blah. Doesnt have to be a story, marriage and relationships are not for everyone and i am only starting to realise that now.

I used to think i was a freak wanting to be single in my 30s, but i loved my freedom.

Thats not to say i am not happy in my relationship, but its not something i went looking for either.

Like the saying goes "Its better to have loved and lost then to live with a psycho for the rest of your life"

SarahSassy

There is nothing wrong with feeling like that... It may be a phase or it may be your way of life and each to their own...

If you truly dont want a relationship then you have eliminated all the hardship, uncertainty etc etc that can come with one... Dont put pressure on yourself. Just take it week by week and see how you feel at each stage - feck the begrudgers...

aloevera

two of my friends are in the exact ssame boat as you guys... she couldnt give a f**k, and takes every weekend as it comes, meets guys, but nothing serious....
some people are just like that i suppose! dont feel selfish, whatever happes happens fr a reason....

Madame Razz

In general have been known to be considerably apathetic about the whole relationship thing....

Only believe in having a relationship with a person with whom I want to be with as opposed to for the sake of it.....I feel there are a LOT of people in relationships for the sake of them!!! Peopla are so scared of being single, I HATE how it's viewed as almost being some sort of disease!!

Happy in my own company and don't believe in tying myself down for the sake of it.....why be tied to someone you're not that keen on whne you can go out at the weekend and have yourself some fun???

That said , I met somebody a couple of months ago with whom I am now very happy....But i am with him becuase I want to be with him, not cos I wanted somebody to hold hands with. And if we ever break up I suspect that I willl miss him, as opposed to the relationship!!

But then I'm an only child, so I've been labelled some sort of freak since day one........ The only fate worse than singledom in Ireland apparently:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

St Bill

Well I'm glad to see I'm not the only woman in her thirties to feel like this (there you go ellscurr)
Bansheebones, I feel your pain re assh*les. But don't fall into the trap of thinking that they're assh*les because they're men. There're plenty of kind, thoughtful men around. Having lived abroad, I can definitely say that it was nice to come home to the two left feet/heart of gold type of man you find in Ireland

Madame Razz

St Bill wrote: »

I can definitely say that it was nice to come home to the two left feet/heart of gold type of man you find in Ireland

I believe I have me one of those.... a most welcome change from the assholes I must say....I shall cling to him for dear life LOL:D

St Bill

Lucky girl , you found him before you reached your limit of assh*les
Unfortunately, my limit tended to infinite assh*les, and this is why I'm approaching zero interest now

Madame Razz

St Bill wrote: »

Lucky girl , you found him before you reached your limit of assh*les
Unfortunately, my limit tended to infinite assh*les, and this is why I'm approaching zero interest now

No No, I have had quite my share of assholes trust me; just look at my many contributions to the worst dates thread:rolleyes:

Assholes never turned me off men as a whole, they just made me treat any man I was involved with like utter ****e.....til this guy came along and try though I may I just couldn't do it:o

Wanting to be noce to him was a sure sign I was dealing with an entirely different species...

(rare and endangered now don't ya know;))

MJOR

I understand where you are coming from I was single for a long time and though i had a good laugh going on dates etc I had got sick of it. I'm happy in my current r/ship and we're getting hitched next year but if it all fell apart i'd gladly be the woman with all the cats!!!! My friend recently broke up with her guy and she says the thought of "getting back in the dating saddle makes her sick". I think if love came her way great but she aint bothered!

banshee_bones

well im 22 and im nearing my limit ! seemed to have a lot of rejection slash asshole encounters in the past three months..




someone *please* tell me its a phase......

St Bill

22's too young to be jaded! But if you are having trouble meeting someone nice, just keep away from men for a while, or find places other than pubs/clubs (if possible) to meet them. Seriously, for your own sanity and well-being, head-wreckage needs to be kept to a minimum!

banshee_bones

Yeah I just dont know, hard to know what to do sometimes. I enjoy going out with my friends and it is always nice to have guys chatting you up but then you realise theres something amiss. . . .

Honestly thinking not much is going to happen until i leave the country to do my MA... sad i know!

sam34

im female, 29 and single. have been single for almost a year and a half, last relationship was for one year, single for 2 yrs prior to that after a 4 yr relationship.

i have no interest in a relationship right now, and dont expect to develop any interest in one for the foreseeable future. am actively not looking!

i just dont want the headache and hassle of it all.

am not a 24/7 kinda gal... i value my own space and my own time sooo much.

i love being independent, and not having to confer with anyone about what i do and when i do it.

i dont have to take on anyone else's worries/insecurities/crap

the only thing i wish i had is the regular sex (it tends to be more irregular these days! the frequency i mean, not the type... you know what i mean!)

gcgirl

Relationships age you !! I don't miss one thing about being in a relationship i like my own company i hate when someone continues to text you when your out its total bliss being single!! I love it yeh fair enough i have my 3 kids and the dog but i can feck off when i want and with whom i want at the end of the day and dont give a damm about walking on someones toes like having to be back at home at a certain time ! My friend is also in a relationship but their child is mthe only thing keeping them together ! I'd rather be happy and single than Depressed and in a re;ationship!

St Bill

I'm seriously considering becoming a nun....I'm halfway there already (due to circumstances beyond my control ).
So Sr Bill it is then