I still love him

LegacyUser

My ex and I broke up shortly before Christmas. We had been going out almost a year and had been away for a holiday together just before the break up. We had an intense relationship, a whirlwind if you like. We were crazy about each other. Spent alot of time together and we consumed each other's lives. We went through some really hard times as well but it made us stronger. Like every couple we each went through some doubts. However, my ex couldn't get past a doubt he had in the last month of relationship and he broke up with me. He said that he had fallen out of love with me. My world fell apart at the time. It was a tough time of year. I felt betrayed. We tried to stay in contact and do the friends thing but all we did was argue. I called him everything under the rising sun and insulted him. It was horrible. Everything became so mean. We started questioning what we had ever seen in each other. It hurt like hell. He was my first real love even though i'm now in my late 20s. I don't think i'll ever stop loving him though. When we broke up i thought maybe i had never loved him and that perhaps we were always just friends. However, i now know i loved him with all my heart. I have no interest in being with anyone else. We are currently not talking because we fell out during yet another pointless stupid arguement. Do you ever truely get over your first love?

Karen_*

You will of course get over him. Everyone eventually gets over a break up and although some people might look back fondly at memories of a first love they are still able to get on with their life and in the main meet someone else who they love jsut as much if not more.

OP its not long broken up between you so you haven't had a chance really to get over this. It might take some time but you WILL be ok.

Have a look at this fabulous brilliant (in my opinion:D) site. Its all about break ups and different circumstances and there's some really helpful stuff there that you might relate to.

LegacyUser

Time is a great healer...but I've never been in this situation before. He hurt me beyond belief in the end but I still care about him. He meant and means so much to me. We went through alot together. What makes it harder is the fact that the break up was very messy. I'm up and down and I find it really hard to deal with his distance. Anytime I tried to have a chat with him, he'd give me very short answers etc... I understand that it was hard for him to break up with me and that he felt he had to step back so he could deal with it...but that hurt me further and I started to lash out at him. He has lost respect for me because of this. It's a horrible situation. I wish it could have ended better but it didn't. This is something I will always regret but it's hard to control your reactions when you've been hurt so much. I still adore and admire him. I don't think he'd say the same about me now...do these things fix themselves over time? Do people forgive and remember the good things? I really miss him and I would love to have him a part of my life in years to come. But does that ever happen? At this stage, I don't think he does because i've said some awful things to him. He's not a bad person. I'm not either.

Caryatnid

Karen_* wrote: »

blah

+1 (but I think you forgot the link)

LegacyUser

When my girlfriend broke up with me I was devasted and just like you we tried to stay friends but everything just turned into arguments. Ended up getting extremely messy and even though we had mutual friends we had to avoid going to the same places on nights out etc. Was a mess for about 6 months, always thinking about her and showing no interest in other girls but seriously time is a great healer and eventually you cop on and get over it. Now I wonder why I was such a mess and acted like an idiot. My skin may be a little tougher now when it comes to relationships but life goes on and there are plenty of other people out there and one of them may make you even happier but wont have that chance if your hung up on an ex.

MJOR

i think that you need to give youself time and a bit of distance from this guy.

MagicMarker

You have to stop trying to be his friend. You will never be his friend, you will always be his ex.

I tried this with my last ex, tried to do the friend thing, but we just fought, I was short and a little snappy with her and after only a few instances of ''hanging out'' I knew I had to distance myself from her because we were never going to be just friends, and to be honest I didn't want to be her friend.

The sooner you cut all contact with the guy the the sooner you can move on.

Maybe in a couple of years you might just about be able to start a friendship.

weekendtripper

I agree - cut off contact with him. You have to be ruthless about protecting your own sanity at this stage!

Snowie

Hey Op yeah you do, it take time some people quicker then other's...
When you've broken up with some one and thing's become destructive I.E argument's Its best to leave each other's life...

I know it isnt easy, But deleting that person's number, social networking site's, email etc... and moving on his the first biggest step.... It can just take time... For you to heal...

In the mean time, Nurture your self, treat your self good, fruit, chocolate, spoil your self, take up some sort of new hobby or just go swimming as its a cleansing act which is good for you...

its difficult to do at the beginning but you can do it... It just takes time don't loose hope that you wont meet another person but right now that wont help. What will help is finding your feet and Excepting the fact that the relationship didn't work it's bye no means a indication that you are incompatible but just incompatible with that person and it does happen I think it's one of the learning things you have to go throw with relationships so when you do meet that special some one it works you appreciate it all the more....I hope this helps

SamuelFox

OP, if you search you'll find a lot of people in similar situations - myself included (right down to the lenght of relationship and time since breakup) so you're not alone. Obviously I'm not at all sorted myself yet but having allowed this break-up to dominate my life since it happened I've come to the conclusion that I have to try and ignore my feelings and get on with things, cheifly by cutting all contact with my ex. All that rowing with the guy will achieve is to sour the memories of what was probably a great relationship. Give it a month or two and then reassess your feelings, things will look a lot differently then (hopefully) Best of luck!