Lady asks for guy's opinions - Help

LegacyUser

Hi,

i am looking for a guy's opinion to try help me shed some light to a problem i have with my boyfriend.
To cut a long story short i have been going out with my bf for nearly 4 years and we don't have a normal sex life. He's never been even from the start really mad about sex but at least for the first year we used to have sex at least once a week. After the second year it just went downhill from his side. I was very attracted to him and tried to make the first move a lot of the times but after once he said he didn't want i started getting upset about it. My last boyfriend was all over me for the 3 years we went out together so i can't understand how my current boyfriend doesn't want or need sex with me. Last year we had sex twice in a year. I tried to talk to him so many times but he just says that he doesn't think there is anything wrong between us and that its normal that after a while things get like this. But i obviously don't agree. I know he loves me because hes the kind of person that wouldn't stay in a relationship if he didn't. He treats me right and other than that everything is fine.
In order not to suffer i tried not think about him that way and unfortunately i succeeded as i rarely think about sex now. But i know this is not healthy at all. I want to be wanted.
I just want to understand why he doesn't want me
he said he is still attracted to me and that he loves me...What possibly can be wrong with him ? and do we still have a chance to make it work ??

I hope you can help...

Bottle_of_Smoke

THere's a lot of threads on this topic, would make good reading for you, do a search. From what I've read it seems these type of people rarely change.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,
hate to tell you but it won't change. You deserve better hun. Even if ye do genuinely love each other you do need the sex part too.
I wasn't YEARS in that kind of relationship and it was soul destroying.I ended up feeling so unloved cos no matter how often he said he loved me the physical showing of love by sex wasn't there. He wasn't a bad person he just wasn't for me.
OP, sex gets even more important as you get older,have babies etc...if it's not there then it's a brother/sister relationship you have. Do you have siblings? Do you want another one?
Sorry if I'm being harsh hun.

cantdecide

You'll have to be very blunt with him or it'll turn into an Al and Peggy situation. Tell him you feel very undesirable, hurt and unloved and insist that he makes a serious effort.

BanjoSpanner

Twice in a year ?? Something's not right there. Do you have any idea what he was like in previous relationships ?

Don't think it'll ever change either to be honest. He may treat you well as you say but in my view ( I'm a man by the way ! ) he doesn't, because the physical side of a relationship is every bit as important as any other side. If sex is lacking that is a problem because it leaves you in a position where you are craving something from a relationship which isn't forthcoming. Therefore I conclude that he isn't really taking care of you, sorry if that sounds a bit harsh or insensitive.

What should you do ? I don't know. You could continue and try to manage that aspect of your own wants, which ultimately is self deprivation. On the other hand you could make the decision to seek something better, which I guess is a risk.

If I may ask, how important is sex in a relationship to you, on a scale of 1 to 10 ?

Then put other aspects of a relationship on a scale of 1 to 10 for you and see how everything stacks up. Try to do this based on you as a person, not you in this particular relationship.

Good luck whatever you decide, we're all here for you !!