Time Travellers Wife - Did he take advantage of Clare

oxygen_old

Minor spoilers ahead

Im currently reading this, apologies, Im about 3 years behind the hype. Anyway, it was suggested to me by some girls I know who swore that I would like the sci-fi-ey time travelling aspect. The time travelling was cool, and the romance part didnt take away from the sci-fi element too much.

Anyways, from a guys opinion on the book. I seem to be the only only person I know who has this opinion. He seemed to take advantage of Clare. He started to travel back to her mostly when he hit his 40's. While it was involuntary, he did decide to meet her there. He had a large part of her upbringing, educating her, beating on her scumbag dates etc. So much so that as a teenager she said something like "your changing me". He often told her they would marry in the future.

This just seems to me to be grooming a little girl to be his future wife. With no timetravelling she was still 8 years younger than him. How do either of them know, if she had of met him for the first time as a 20 year old, she would have any interest in him. She was clearly not as impressed with his 28 yr old self than his 40 yr old self. The author (so far in the book) doesnt even suggest this point.

metrovelvet

Thats really interesting. I read the book about 5 years ago. Makes me want to read it again and get back to you. From what I can remember of it, yeah its possible.

oxygen_old

Yea, it's one of the first things that struck me about the book. By definition he groomed a child for an adult marriage. If there was no time traveling aspect and a 40 year old man started a relationship with a child that he wanted to eventually marry, there would be no question. I think the point that she would marry her when he was younger doesn't effect this point

seamus

I think the whole concept behind the illness though was that he travelled within his own life. So it was his life, he just didn't live it sequence the same way as the rest of it did. In his 40's, he was married to the woman already and just had the oppotunity to encounter her younger self.

I felt that the author was very careful to downplay the idea that he may have "groomed" her and goes out of her way to show that he avoided any kind of sexual contact or sexual suggestion until she was at the right age.

Indeed at various parts in the book, the time-traveller laments the fact that he doesn't seem to be able to change anything by travelling back in time, so there's an argument to say that since it was inevitable that they would be married, then his time-travelling back to the past was immaterial.

It's academic really because the very concept defies our social norms. Would it be "wrong" to discuss sex with a 14-year-old girl, if you had travelled back from the future and you knew she was your wife? It's a concept which can't really have our social values applied to it.

oxygen_old

I agree with your point of his circular life, when it comes to stuff like meeting a doctor he can use as a geneticsis, or teaching his younger self to fight, or pick locks, or advising Gomez to buy tech shares.

But if his life is circular as he calls it, and I fully understand it is, he was inevitable to marry Clare regardless of whether he meets her in the past, why socialise with her as a child. He didn't travel back and shoot the breeze with his mam or dad, why not just not travel back and not meet Clare.

As a 40 year old man, if you could travel back and meet your wife as a child, would you? Most people would not, its not the person they married, they have a life yet to lead, and experiences to live, without you influencing them. He knowingly had an emotional relationship with Clare when she was too young. His circular life can take into account marrying Clare because he was able to influence her as a child.

Malari

In a way, it would seem that he took advantage of her in that he

knew at the time of her first visit from him that he wasn't sure what would happen after his 43rd birthday.

In other ways, she could easily have treated him like an uncle - an adult male she knew all her life, but it seemed she fell in love with him independantly of his telling her they were married in the future. In fact, I would say that as a man married for 10 years or so, he wasn't in the first throes of passion and lust when visiting. That side of things seemed to come from her for the most part.

seamus

oxygen wrote: »

But if his life is circular as he calls it, and I fully understand it is, he was inevitable to marry Clare regardless of whether he meets her in the past, why socialise with her as a child. He didn't travel back and shoot the breeze with his mam or dad, why not just not travel back and not meet Clare.

Well, he didn't have much of a choice, and that was a bit of the premise. The way I saw it is that he was supposed to meet Claire when both of them were young, the way a lot of us would normally do, but because he didn't live his life sequentially, he just happened to "meet" her near the end of his life instead of at the start.

He knowingly had an emotional relationship with Clare when she was too young. His circular life can take into account marrying Clare because he was able to influence her as a child.

I don't recall completely, but from what I remember, he very much avoided going the "emotional" route until she was of that age. He just ended up near her house with no clothes on, so to an extent he was unable to avoid meeting her.

oxygen_old

To put it in a non time travelling way, which I probably shouldnt, say your wife had a little sister that you knew since she was 7 years old(I think that was the initial age of Clare) and you visited say once a fourthnight, and took an interest in her upbringing and education.

If you and your wife split up when she was 18, and you meet the little sister when she was 22, and she was infatuated with you, wouldnt you at some stage think this is a little unfair, you would be a father figure to her. Now put into the equation that you marry this girl, and then choose to back in time for those fourthnightly visits.

Things Henry didnt do in the past: visit with his mother, warn his father

his excessive drinking would ruin his career

, try to prevent any major political issues, 9/11 coming to mind first etc, etc. Very much in the vain of if its happened its happened. But yet he educated and mentored Clare, I just think its a big hole in the story.

If anybody could meet their spouse as a child, frequently, most people would not.

John

oxygen wrote: »

If anybody could meet their spouse as a child, frequently, most people would not.

Have you done a survey on this?

I really don't get the impression of him grooming Clare at all. I can see where you're coming from but it doesn't gel for me. I thought the tone and the implications of the writing steered the reader away from that but that's just my view.

oxygen_old

John wrote: »

Have you done a survey on this?

I really don't get the impression of him grooming Clare at all. I can see where you're coming from but it doesn't gel for me. I thought the tone and the implications of the writing steered the reader away from that but that's just my view.

Yea, I've been asking around the office all morning would they like to meet their spouse as a child. People have been giving me funny looks and HR want to talk to me later.

I might give up on this argument, as I seem to be the only person with this take on the situation. In any case its just my opinion, and it doesnt take away from the book, still a great read.

John

Well your own take is the most important one, otherwise why read the book

And you've spurred me on to re-read it to see if I still think what I thought when I read it first.

St Bill

Same here. It's been a long time since I read it, due a re-visit now. Op, I can see where you're coming from and it's very possible that the writer might've used the idea as a springboard to write the book

:|

oxygen wrote: »

But if his life is circular as he calls it, and I fully understand it is, he was inevitable to marry Clare regardless of whether he meets her in the past, why socialise with her as a child. He didn't travel back and shoot the breeze with his mam or dad, why not just not travel back and not meet Clare.

It was only inevitable he was going to marry Clare because he visited her when she was young. He couldn't change anything in his life by time traveling, and he already knew he had talked to Clare when she was younger so he knew that talking to her wouldn't change who was she going to be.

Also I think his traveling back in time to visit her wasn't as big a deal to him as it was to her, for him he was sort of just passing time as he was stuck in the past so he definitely wasn't intentionally grooming her.