Bog Manners

TheBlock

First post in here and not sure if it's the right place but this is a question for the lads. When in a strange boozer (not your local) and nature calls whats the etiquitte at the urinals? Do you make converstaion when some fiend starts to talk to you while holding his lad or just mumble the usual "alright hows it goin".
Just that some mad man started to talk to me about the recession and the economy when i was having and almightly 3 pint piss earlier (he was just standing there no piss needed) and I found it a it strange. I'm sure he was thinking **** sake that's one almighty piss that lads having.

Also whats the rule regards shouting " get it out of ye" when some lad obvoiusly has the trots in the cubicle? Coz this fiend thought it was the thing to do when we heard the scuts and gt the bang.

Hagar

Sorry, I thought this was about eduacated culchies...

TheBlock

Hagar wrote: »

Sorry, I thought this was about eduacted culchies...

As if there was such a thing :rolleyes:

trout

Treat it like a military operation.

Synchronise watches.
Know yore role.
Get in and out, job done, before anyone notices.
Complete radio silence.
Never leave a fallen comrade behind.

That is all.

Tom Dunne

I personally prefer the zombie method.

Fixed stare, no eye contact. One destination, no deviation.
During proceedings, the only sound will be of fluids flowing. Plus the occasional *parp*. Tap discreetly. Only during hand-washing is there a possibility of initiating conversation. Exit promptly.

trout

Military Zombie style is probably best when flying solo :cool:

TheBlock

Tom Dunne wrote: »

I personally prefer the zombie method.

Fixed stare, no eye contact. One destination, no deviation.
During proceedings, the only sound will be of fluids flowing. Plus the occasional *parp*. Tap discreetly. Only during hand-washing is there a possibility of initiating conversation. Exit promptly.

Thats what i'm talking about...even with blokes i'm drinking with if we happen to cross swords paths in the jacks theres no talking till we get back to the bar.

Tom Dunne

trout wrote: »

Military Zombie style is probably best when flying solo :cool:

How cool would that be? Probably has night vision goggles too.

TheBlock wrote: »

Thats what i'm talking about...even with blokes i'm drinking with if we happen to cross swords paths in the jacks theres no talking till we get back to the bar.

That's the way it should be. Think of the men's toilet like a library - a haven of serene silence, where all forms of communication are verboten.

So when you leave, you may speak.

Steve

I have to agree that the silent military style approach is always the best. Engaging in conversation can often lead to embarrassing and awkward situations.

For example, in a hotel bar a few years back, I was in the mens room having a sit down, making room for more beer if you will, when I heard a guy enter the stall next to mine (there were only two).

Anyways, he sat down and began to go about his business when next thing I hear a loud "Hello?"

I thought nothing of it at first but a few seconds later he repeated his greeting, louder this time - "HELLO?"

Now, I wasn't really sure of what to in this situation and due to me being half full of beer, something compelled me to answer. Curiosity maybe, who knows. I reply in a somewhat embarrassed manner - "er.. hello".

Next thing I hear - "Hi... How are you?"

Me - "er, OK I guess.."

Him - "Good, good.. what are you up to?"

At this point I was so embarrassed and confused but was past the point where I could stop the conversation so I thought I'd better continue..

Me - " just er you know making some room I guess.."

Him - "Wow, that sounds really good, how about I come over and join you? We could, ya know, have a bit of fun together.."

Me - "What??? sorry, no, I don't do that kind of thing!!"

Him - "Ah, that's lovely, I can't wait to see the little fella and play with him"

On hearing that I involuntarily finished what I was doing and overcome with the wierdness of the suation replied angrily -
"LOOK, I TOLD YOU I'M NOT INTERESTED YOU SICK F*CKER, NOW P*SS OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!".

Then I heard him say nervously -
"Listen, I'll have to call you back Mary, I'm in the jacks and there's some nutter in the cubicle next to me who thinks I'm talking to him and keeps answering me....can't wait to see the new dog...bye."

Needless to say, I remained in situ for about 10 minutes after I heard him finish up and leave...


The moral of the story?
Don't talk to anyone in the bog - ever.

Doctor DooM

Tom Dunne wrote: »

I personally prefer the zombie method.

Fixed stare, no eye contact. One destination, no deviation.
During proceedings, the only sound will be of fluids flowing. Plus the occasional *parp*. Tap discreetly. Only during hand-washing is there a possibility of initiating conversation. Exit promptly.

*Points to sig*

Toilet time is the only time you will catch me advocating zombolific activities.

I recommend you eat a steak after every toilelt trip just to make sure you haven't developed a desire for brains whilst in there.

Tom Dunne

SDooM wrote: »

I recommend you eat a steak after every toilelt trip just to make sure you haven't developed a desire for brains whilst in there.

I can do that.

Any excuse.

Jazzy

wash ur hands. its simple and u wont be a spaz if u do it.

Latchy

Ah the urinals habits of the rural Irish male ..... Fascinating stuff .

more Urinals Here

Tom Dunne

Tom Dunne wrote: »

.....a haven of serene silence, where all forms of communication are verboten....

Surely the intermittent rumbling as a trouser cough is released can be considered a form of communication, akin to that of the almost sub-sonic bellow of two mastodons calling to each other across the primeval swamp?

Will

You go to the toilet for 1 reason, and 1 reason only. You aren't in there to make friends, you're in there to do the business, get it over with then continue drinking. Simple as.

Men who go in and have a chat should be ashamed of themselves. We aren't women, we don't share toilets, talk, fix make up (ocassional boxer fixing but thats about it), talk about what the other men are wearing or anything of such nonsense.

In, do the business, Out. Simple.

Don1

I use the cubicles as I don't like to show off!

As for conversation, hell no! A nod of the head if you accidentally make eye contact while leaving.

Latchy

I just look at the wall and go '' Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ''

Don1

The wall above the urinal whislt taking a leak I presume?! Not just standing in the corner of a lads' jacks going; "ahhhhhh"?????

Steve

latchyco wrote: »

Ah the urinals habits of the rural Irish male ..... Fascinating stuff .

more Urinals Here

I was actually in this one, it really is kept as clean as in the pics.
Truly an exceptional leaking establishment.

I think it was 50p or something to have a piss, damned stingy Scots!

Latchy

Don1 wrote: »

The wall above the urinal whislt taking a leak I presume?! Not just standing in the corner of a lads' jacks going; "ahhhhhh"?????

The most common sound to be heard from the men's jack is ''aaaaaahhhhhhh'' when it's bouncing off the urinal .The only thing in the corner I stand looking at is the hand dryer for all of 10 sconds but nope, i dont say '' ahhhhhhhh' there .

SteveC wrote: »

I was actually in this one, it really is kept as clean as in the pics.
Truly an exceptional leaking establishment.

I think it was 50p or something to have a piss, damned stingy Scots!

I came across that site purly by accident

newmills

No noise except for the occasional "brrrrrrrrr" from having the piss shakes when you are finished your slash!!

Steve

newmills wrote: »

No noise except for the occasional "brrrrrrrrr" from having the piss shakes when you are finished your slash!!

'piss shivers' man... 'piss shivers'.

There was an entire thread on AH about this recently

tony 2 tone

Never cross streams, and just cos they are called cakes doesn't mean you can eat them!

FlutterinBantam

Never hold back when unloading your lumber in the cubes.

Some men try to squeeze it out to avoid the splutther,but I'm informed that this can be detrimental to health.

Thing to do if you make eye contact with a dude at the uris is to nod politely,walk confidently into the cube, shut the door firmly.
After undoing the constraints and easing the buttcheeks on the pan an "Aaaaaaaagh" is permissable.

From then on it's all business,unload with abandon and don't worry about accoustics,evacuating the gut is far more important.

Secondary effort may be needed,don't hold back as this evacuation may sometimes be difficult.

Survey the scene,note any anomalies,flush,do up,open the door, wash hands,nod to any urinees.

A "that bitch nearly done me" comment may be ok depending on area.

In more upmarket areas "Bottom falling out of the market isn't it" may be more appropriate.

Important thing is be confidant and unload without fear or favour.

Captain Darling

Strange bog etiquette?

Never make eye contact, speak only when spoken to, short sharp replies, do the biz and gtfo.

Slutmonkey57b

Never ever talk in the bogs. People on phones in the bogs are fair game for being flushed headfirst or "jogged" accidentally into the urinal.