Need a guys opinion on this.

LegacyUser

Have to go unreg for this,

Would the embarrassment of coming too quickly during sex, as in, almost before it even started, be enough for you to stop seeing a girl even if you really liked her?

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

Have to go unreg for this,

Would the embarrassment of coming too quickly during sex, as in, almost before it even started, be enough for you to stop seeing a girl even if you really liked her?

Why would you do that? So you can repeat the same thing with the next girl?
There are other ways of working on it and if you have a nice girl who's understanding you can both do something about it, don't run away from it

edit: well yes, unless she's going to react extremely badly, that wouldn't help ;s

LegacyUser

Her or him?

Her- no way- if anything it would be a bonus

Him- not unless it was a problem for her

MagicMarker

Unregistered wrote: »

Have to go unreg for this,

Would the embarrassment of coming too quickly during sex, as in, almost before it even started, be enough for you to stop seeing a girl even if you really liked her?

It all depends on the girl's reaction.

If she was really nice and understanding about it, I'd defo want to see her again, as it's shows she has a heart.

If she laughed or something, then I wouldn't want to see her, not really because I'd be embarrassed but because she's a bitch.

TheBlock

Unregistered wrote: »

Her or him?

Her- no way- if anything it would be a bonus

Him- not unless it was a problem for her

OP You won't get better advice than this. Try again and if you have the same problem talk to her and explain why.

LegacyUser

Sorry, should have explained myself better. I'm the girl, and I was seeing a guy for a while. We got on really well and were very attracted to each other. I stayed at his house a bit and though we never had sex we did everything else really. He said that he didn't want to have a full sexual relationship straight off and I was totally fine with that, it was nice to kind of take things abit slower. I did sense that he was a bit shy about stuff like that. Anyway, when we did eventually have full intercourse after knowing each other for a few months, he came very quickly. I didn't mind at all, it's not that important to me and I kind of thought it was just nerves. The next morning the same thing happened and he got a bit pissed off about it. I tried to kinda say that it's not the be all and end all, but to be honest I didn't really know what to say to make it better because I so didn't want him to think that it was a big deal. But as I am not a guy I don't know how this would effect him.

Anyway, (sorry it's taking a while to explain) next time I stayed over we didn't have sex, I could sense that he was a bit stressed out by the thought of it so I kinda just snuggled up an went asleep. After that night, we meet up once during the day, he was really weird with me and I asked him if anything was wrong and he said no. A week and a half went by and I didn't hear from him so I rang him and asked him to meet up. We meet up, he was weird again with me and I told him I was pissed off that he hadn't contacted me. He said he didn't want to see me any more, and when I asked him why or if he was even going to bother contacting me to tell me this, he just said nothing really, there was no explanation.

Thing is, I have really fallen hard for this guy. It's been a couple of months now since I've seen him and like a total idiot, I'm still thinking about him.

I have a job I really like, a great family, great friends, lots of hobbies, so why can't I get over this guy?

Craft25

If you're a girl asking if a guy that you thought really liked you, that you slept with and who came prematurely is avoiding you purely out of embarrasment -

DEFINITELY MAYBE

if thats what your instinct tells you, its probably right, text or e.mail that you wanna see him again if thats what u want

LegacyUser

If you are easily offended then maybe scroll down a bit

You are forgetting that you have a major part to play in all of this too. Why not rub one off before you go out with her so it doesn't happen so quick the second time. Al la There's Something About Mary. Well maybe not exactly the same!

Maybe your foreskin is too tight, get that seen to. Alternatively, when you rub one off really grab it, you need to desensitise your lad a bit. It sounds as if your overcome (no pun intended!) by the whole sexual thing, you need to relax. Every guy has maybe cum a bit earlier than one would like but if this is your first time, relax you'll be fine and be safe.

LegacyUser

Craft25 wrote: »

If you're a girl asking if a guy that you thought really liked you, that you slept with and who came prematurely is avoiding you purely out of embarrasment -

DEFINITELY MAYBE

if thats what your instinct tells you, its probably right, text or e.mail that you wanna see him again if thats what u want

Yes, you have just summed it up exactly, thing is I really feel for this guy. I just wrote a big long reply a few minutes ago to try to explain it all but I don't think the mods have posted it yet.

At the time I made my feelings clear, well I think I did, that I really liked him and that I thought it would be a big mistake for us to not see each other ever again. But if he's not into it then there is nothing I can do really. I have sent him a text since and he did reply (eventually) but maybe that was just out of politeness. Maybe it is just a case of "he's just not that into you" "get over it" thing is my gut instinct thems me different and I can't seem to shut it up !!!

implausible

OP, I'm assuming you're a girl and this guy hasn't contacted you?

Yep, a fella would get mortified over this and reckon that the best thing to do is avoid the girl, ridiculous I know, unless you made a big deal of it.

I'd agree with Craft25, email or text him to show you're still interested.

Propellerhead

Unregistered wrote: »

Have to go unreg for this,

Would the embarrassment of coming too quickly during sex, as in, almost before it even started, be enough for you to stop seeing a girl even if you really liked her?

Understanding and affection, funny enough, goes a mighty long way towards a future successful sex life if the potential is there. It very much depends how the immediate aftermath was handled. I am assuming from the OP that the one who came too quickly was the male.

Any hint of ridicule or making a laugh at the male's expense then no chance whatsoever.

Dilis

Hi, am in very similar situation myself. met a great guy last week and ended up in very similar situation. Befor e this night we were cinstantly texting and flirting by text etc. Since this night I have heard very little and am quite confused. Should I just move on if he has basically stopped texting?

LegacyUser

I would say as a male, id be quite embarrased if it happened me. If you really like him, then just text him and meet him for lunch or something non threatening and talk it out.

If your kind and understanding I see no reason why it cant work out. But ya id be morified if i happened me.

Boskowski

Unregistered wrote: »

Have to go unreg for this,

Would the embarrassment of coming too quickly during sex, as in, almost before it even started, be enough for you to stop seeing a girl even if you really liked her?

Like that's what happened to him and now you think he stays away because he's too embarrassed?
- If the guy is young or inexperienced (likely) or shy then I wouldn't rule it out. Guy may need a little encouragement so that he knows it's not that bad.

Or like that's what happened to you and now you're too embarrassed to contact her again?
- No, I mean it's not going to be like that forever, right? And also you'll have to start learning eventually.

My money is on (a) but I couldn't be a 100% sure from your post...

Adam

with all due respect, please bear in mind that many men are ****, and as such may have walked away thinking to themselves 'mission accomplished!', and not be embarrassed at all. or care for that matter.

Dilis

Right well what happened to me was - met guy, very drunk, he spent the night but no sex, just kinda fooling around, as was agreed before he spent the night. Then follows 2 - 3 weeks of texting and lots of flirting by text, with him asking me out after about a week an a half. Went out, quiet nite, few drinks, he stayed the nite again, as he lives very far away. More "fooling around", not full sex. He made sure I had a great time, but when I went to return the favour, he says - no, he wouldn't be able to after drinking, but next time definitely!! Texts have gotten very few and far between since. I should take the hint, yea?

Mirror

Mirror wrote: »

with all due respect, please bear in mind that many men are ****, and as such may have walked away thinking to themselves 'mission accomplished!', and not be embarrassed at all. or care for that matter.

Judging from the description the OP gives, that doesn't really seem to be the case.


OP; If you like him, definitely, definitely get in contact with him. Explain nicely that you don't mind and see where it leads. It can be very embarrassing and he probably thinks that after it you went home and started telling all your friends, etc. so he'd naturally feel embarrassed. Explain to him what you said in your second post here and everything should be fine, i reckon.

Craft25

Dilis i think you need to post your issue in a separate thread.. but no by the sounds of it dont give up without getting a reason (unless you suspect he's already involved with someone)

OP.. the reason you havent let this guy go from your head is because he's worth holding on to.. you can do it..

don't tell him "oh its ok sex doesn't matter that much" it's so cliche, patronising and not true...

just tell him you're not going to give up so easily on what the two of you have started, you seem to know him pretty well already so tell him you know that the two of you have a good connection, good chemistry and in no time at all you will be having great sex.. if he will not be so hard on himself, and share the responsibility for having good sex with you... he is not a robot, so just give it a chance..

you will have to tread carefully, trying not to emasculate him completely by taking over everything... but dont give up if you like him that much

oh and when you do get around to having sex... dont go stage 1. foreplay, stage2. mount up its time for the sex now..it will feel like an exam to him... lie under the covers completely naked, mess around whatever.. get him hard, fool about, let it mess about down there and get you going without having to completely penetrate... try and blur the lines between the touching and the sex if you get me? obviously there does have to come a point of entry, but the less obvious a deal is made of it the less he will worry

i doubt it is anything to do with foreskins or sensitivity.. its psychological

Musashi

It sounds to me that he was so turned on by being with the OP that he came very quickly. How is that a bad thing?

Same thing happened me the first time with my now wife. I was embarrassed as fook!

So we took it handy the next few times, learnt to enjoy the touching and that, sounds ghey but being with another person is more than just "shagging".

Eventually we learnt each other enough to get the most out of our sex life, at least I think we do? Get in touch, take it easy almost like starting to go out from the start again. This is a new phase, there is "going out" and "going out with a good chance of making the love later" in any relationship.

It is very embarassing, but would he rather start over every time and never learn or practice with a partner to get very good indeed?

That sounds like TaeKwonDo training, but it's a bit similar. No-one is born a good lover, you learn from your mistakes and don't let them mess up the big picture. The big picture is a happy life with a loving partner and both of you enjoying your lives together, including the sex, as part of a complete life.

I would recommend Bio-Oil and mutual back rubs, baths together and sleeping nekkid. The first time (and lots of subsequent times) can be a big deal! Get into a rhythm and enjoy yourselves. Then you can try new things or vary stuff, the basics done well are the best though! (Grasshopper!)

cloudy day

Maybe you should just do nothing.

If he's in your social net work, chat him away like a buddy. to re-connect first. then if he really wants to try again with you he will.

if you keep after him you just might wreck his head, ya know, it's fresh in his head and it will stay there for a time. After a while he will forget and it'll pass. but if the friends connection is still there, there's a chance.

It's a shame cos you sound like a decent girl and ye coulda worked it out. Cos the bestest ever sex isn't the be all and end all in a relationship.

Relationship signs are so hard to read.

If you were involved with a guy and ya thought it was just fun, Cos you thought that's what he thought ( confusing i know ) and you kinda messed it up by being afraid to attach incase you ended up getting hurt, but in hindsight ( such a wonderful thing) you realised what a mess you made of it, cos he was serious, but he was still answering the phone to talk, but cooled off on the getting down to it ( kinda like, chat buddies). What would you do, give it up, even though you had a real connection and a lot in common, kinda soul mates.

Or what.

Advice please.

LegacyUser

OP, speaking as a guy, we really get mortified about this kind of stuff. I've never really had a problem with premature ejaculation, but once or twice in the past I've had problems finishing myself off during sex - alcohol and stress being culprits - and even that was very, very, very frustrating to me. The one thing I didn't want to do was make my partner feel like it was her fault, but at the same time I found myself getting irritated with her for even noticing. It felt like I was being patronised when she offered to do things to help.

I'd imagine a lot of similar feelings are tied up with early ejaculation... With us men, these kind of things are linked to a lot of primitive stuff which goes to the core of how we feel about what it means to be a man. There is a good chance that this is what he's worried about imo.

How you should proceed depends on how hopeless (or not) you think everything is. If he's still somewhat responsive to what you're saying, it's probably best to probe the issue gently: ask him what the problem is, reassure him that you want to be with him. I don't quite know what the best way of broaching the issue is, sorry... but I do know you probably shouldn't say anything like 'the sex doesn't matter' - because deep down, for him, that will become 'it doesn't matter that you're a man who can't really please me', which will become 'it doesn't matter that you're not much of a man'...

If on the other hand it looks like he might never speak to you again, it can't hurt to make one last ditch attempt that addresses the issue directly. Ask him 'is this about what I think it is?' See where it gets you, you never know.

Maybe the best suggestion you can come up with is that you should bang his brains out until he becomes less sensitive to the idea of sex with you in general? It can be put more subtly than that, but seriously. This is, when all's said and done, a problem that he has to address for himself somehow, but I can't imagine him still coming too early when it's something you guys have done 20 times before.

sardineta

Unregistered wrote: »

Have to go unreg for this,

Would the embarrassment of coming too quickly during sex, as in, almost before it even started, be enough for you to stop seeing a girl even if you really liked her?

Maybe he's just not that into you.

wylo

To answer your original question OP, its very very possible alright. If you really think he liked you then I reckon that's the very reason hes not keeping in touch.
I had a bit of problem like that when I was younger, not quite as extreme but it was still awful.
Its a horrible thing to happen and hes probably very down over it, there is NOTHING you can say unfortunately that will put his mind at ease , that's the problem with a situation like this.

All you can do is emphasize how much you like him. Hopefully he'll realise that you dont care.

CDfm

Don't obsess about it. Your guy is probably thinking he is Gods gift by now:pac:

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Have to go unreg for this,

Would the embarrassment of coming too quickly during sex, as in, almost before it even started, be enough for you to stop seeing a girl even if you really liked her?

no way man.
you wont come as quick the second time or third.
no harm in being overxcited

LegacyUser

as a guy, it has and sometimes does still happen for me. ok i might get in and have a few thrusts but it's all just built up so much that i do cum too soon, and yes, it has put me off seeing girls who i like, and who i know liked me. of course this doesn't always happen and there are times when i'm wanting to cum but still go for ages without cumming.