Confused about him wanting a "break"

LegacyUser

Hey
I am very confused and upset so I apologise if this post doesn't make much sense.I have been with a guy for over a year now.All was well we have been on holidays together are very relaxed around each other and make each other laugh. Then tonight I emailed him asking him how his day was.He replied that it had not gone very well and that he thinks we should take a break because he wouldn't have enough time to see me for the foreseeable future. He has had some financial issues to deal with (family ones as he looks after his parents ) I was shocked as I had just spent the night with me on Monday and I was talking to him on Tuesday,arranging a date to the cinema (his suggestion)
I replied to his email saying that I understood he was under stress but that I felt I didn't deserve to be told this over an email ( the fact that he wanted a break).He basically said in his reply that there was nothing he could do as he didn't have the time. After a year I thought a 5 minute phonecall wouldn't be too much of an ask.He told me things got bad today and that it couldn't be helped.I asked him what had happened and he said he would prefer not to say.I emailed him then to say I would give him back the things he left here .I also thanked him for the time we had together .His replys were just ....cold. Then about 3 hours later he sends an email quoting a film character saying things are always going wrong for just when he thought they would go right.
I don't know what I am asking here.But I really thought that he would have at least had the decency to make a phone call. I have tried to ask him what has happened bt he just won't say. Now I don't know what to do or say.If he is in a bit of bother then I would like to help but he just says I can't
Sorry

MagicMarker

He broke up with you.

He doesn't want you to help, he wants you stop sending him emails.

I think you should just try and move on.

Kidchameleon

Hi,

I agree, he should have had the courtesy to say it to you face to face, he's not acting like a man. I think its very strange that all of a sudden he comes out with this. I would suggest that you leave him to cool off for a few day's and then call and get the explanation you deserve.

Good Luck.

MJOR

That was a rotten way to finish it with someone. I'd say stop contacting him and move on. You deserve better.

banshee_bones

MJOR wrote: »

That was a rotten way to finish it with someone. I'd say stop contacting him and move on. You deserve better.

+1

LegacyUser

I'm going against the herd here.

He had a bad day.

He dealt with it badly and said something he will probably regret.
You don't just break up with somebody just like that.

Let him know you're there for him and give him a few days or a week.

0utshined

All this was over email? How do you know it was even him? Use the phone and call him. If it turns out that yeah it was him and he does want to break up then yeah, a phone call wouldn't have been too much of an ask but at least you know the kind of person you're dealing with now and try and move on. Best of luck.

Wibbs

Unregisteredere wrote: »

I'm going against the herd here.

He had a bad day.

He dealt with it badly and said something he will probably regret.
You don't just break up with somebody just like that.

Let him know you're there for him and give him a few days or a week.

Quite possible.

m83

Either he's a coward or he's being genuine. Either way, you deserve more than an email.

LegacyUser

Go over and talk to him.
You have to get face to face with him, and read his body language

zoey

Unregisteredere wrote: »

I'm going against the herd here.

He had a bad day.

He dealt with it badly and said something he will probably regret.
You don't just break up with somebody just like that.

Let him know you're there for him and give him a few days or a week.

Could very well be, but in the OP's situation I would be seriously thinking if I really want to be with someone who asks for a break over e-mail as soon as he has a bad day.

That_Guy

It sounds like it's over between you two.

Asking for a "break" is a way of delaying the inevitable break up and it's horrible to be strung along like that always wondering when or if things will go back to normal.

It's a bit crap to be told this through e-mail especially given the length of time you've been together.

Best thing is to try and get him out of your system and let him deal with whatever troubles he's going through.

Just don't let yourself get strung along for an emotional rollercoaster ride. It's not fair on you.

Good luck.

Insect Overlord

A friend of mine was with his girlfriend for about two years when he started college last year. He started feeling the pressure of meeting course-work deadlines while holding down a job pretty quickly. Shortly after they celebrated the anniversary, he contacted her by phone saying his head was a mess and he needed a break for a few weeks, just to see if he'd still feel as strongly about her after some time apart.

Like the OP, my friend's GF felt she deserved more than just faceless discussion, and arranged to meet up with him to talk about things in person. I was unlucky enough to pass them, mid-argument, on the footpath near the college. She split his eye-brow wide open with the butt of her mobile phone.

The moral? If he wants a break, sometimes meeting up with him will bring out the very worst in her.

LegacyUser

I like to say that all these phrases like 'just move on u deserve better' etc. to me it might be jumping the gun a bit.

Yeah sure it mightn't be the best way by email, but everyone makes mistakes. The main point I'd like to make is.....there's always two sides of the story. U've got ur side, now maybe try and find out his and then make a better judgement on things. Maybe not right away, maybe let him cool off for a time.

I'm just saying that maybe smth really bad happened to him and made him irrational. U don't know. Life's is a very complicated manner and there's no simple rules that apply to every situation. If he's just being an ass then fine. But sometimes u just hv to give things a chance.

My advice.....give him time to cool off, then try and find out what made him take this approach. If u find it's best to leave him be.....then do so, if u find out that he needs help .....maybe offer what u can and if he keeps on in the same manner.....then so be it.

I don't think there's any harm in doing these things. It's not like beat u up or smth. This is not necessarily to salvage the relationship, but to be a person to another person. Esp a person that u had good times with and and a person that has treated u well in the past as well (I presume).