Internet dating / chat sites.

LegacyUser

I've been using an irish dating site for the last few months and its okay (i suppose).

I have been having one problem that I was wondering if anyone else having this problem.

There is an IM option or you can send someone a private email on their profile. Now you can see if they got the mail on it and if they've read it and/or deleted it. The thing i've noticed is pretty much all the girls on the site say they want an honest and genuine.
I've seen a few profiles and thought they seemed nice and have at least something in comon with them before I mail or IM them. then I receive a response almost straight away saying:
"this user chose not to respond to you"

Is it just me or are women being too picky no matter what kind of medium you try and engege them by. Now I'm not saying its just women. Girls do you find blokes are the same with you.

I mean whay say "honest / genuine / treats a girl with respect" if they won't even take a moment to get to know you

mutualismo

What girls say they want has no relationship to what they want. That is my experience and the consensus of everyone I've spoken to.

mutualismo

Oh yes, it's also possible that you are sending poor-quality opening messages (although I would bet that girls don't send you opening messages of any higher quality :cool: ). Maybe if you give an example of the sort of message you send we can figure out if that's the reason you are not getting replied to.

Aloysius Flyte

I wouldn't take it personally.

I have never and wouldn't respond to an IM. I don't like it. I prefer contact to be initiated by e-mail. E-mail being, a proper conversation rather than a "how are u?" or something equally as silly. It's so frustrating and it's not just me who thinks that. My friends and I just laugh about them now. I just don't respond to those anymore.

It's nothing personal, but the thought enters my head, well if that's the best he can come up with, it doesn't bode well for the rest of my life. (a bit extreme I know)

LegacyUser

mutualismo wrote: »

Oh yes, it's also possible that you are sending poor-quality opening messages (although I would bet that girls don't send you opening messages of any higher quality :cool: ). Maybe if you give an example of the sort of message you send we can figure out if that's the reason you are not getting replied to.

Generally I say "hi" introduce myself and depending on where they're from or what their interests are i generally try chat with them about that or say that I hope to hear from them or get chatting. I know it sounds a bit cliché but thats it in a nutshell

Craft25

Maybe they've chosen a few guys and have their diary clogged up, or are busy getting to know some guy but are still on site as its still early going...

if you send them a decent e.mail then at least it will hang around on their computer for a while long eneough for them to have a second look at you..

you musn't feel too hurt about these rejections, make clear what you want yourself and don't tailor yourself to them

mutualismo

Web wondering wrote: »

Generally I say "hi" introduce myself and depending on where they're from or what their interests are i generally try chat with them about that or say that I hope to hear from them or get chatting. I know it sounds a bit cliché but thats it in a nutshell

I believe that this is all standard stuff, although maybe you need to inject something extra. Humour, perhaps? After that I guess your profile information could be the problem.

In general, though, you should expect very few replies, no matter how great your preparation is. When I tried it out I think I got 3 replies from 15-20 attempts, producing an average ratio which I believe is approximately average.

As the saying goes: men propose, women dispose!

themadchef

If you read any of the forum posts (if it's POF) on IM, most women will not reply to an unknown and find it rude. I was on POF for a while. I found most of the IM's, from people you hadint recieved initail mail contact from, were a bit mad . No offence, that was my personal experience.

I didint realise there was a live cam in the top corner of the IM box.. got a bit of a shock one night during polite conversation :eek:.

Some of them were really hillarious, funny guys. So much so that you need to put a disclaimer "not into S&M, kinky sex, 3 somes" lol to try and narrow the field.

I really did enjoy the site, but got bored with it very quickly. Im sure there are lots of really nice guys on there that cant swim to the top of the sh1t pile... just keep trying

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I'm a girl and I've been using similar sites for a while now too. I never accept an IM from someone I haven't conversed with before. The way I see it is, if I haven't even had a chance to look over your profile, I've no inclination to chat to you. Also, sometimes I'm just quickly checking my mail so wouldn't have time for an IM chat anyway.

My personal opinion is, do not use IM as your first port of call for contacting a girl. After emailing, perhaps suggest an IM chat but first off, your best bet is to just email, send a pic of yourself with the mail if you haven't already got one up.

As for not responding to every mail. I don't have the numbers on this, but I'll take a guess and say that there are more men than women using these sites and as a result us girls tend to get a lot of mails. It's nothing personal it's just that sometimes it isn't practical to reply to every one.

Do you have a picture of yourself in your profile? This helps heaps. I find that it's difficult to chat to someone when you don't even know what they look like. If you're interested, I can take a look at your profile and give you an honest opinion and advice that may help your chances. The key to online dating is an interesting profile...95% of profiles I see are completely unimaginative and uninteresting.

bloodedrose

I have an account on >dating site<. I usually get about 5 messages a week when I am inactive, if I go on the site for a mooch, I get maybe 8-15 messages right away. Hotties (snk) will get many many more.
Most women on dating sites are being covered in messages all the time.
Now, I'm not looking for anything on this site other than a nice chat, but this is my decision making process for "Will I reply?"

Is the message interesting, or funny, or does it mention something in my profile?
A message saying "Hi, I would like to chat, you seem nice" is boring to me. (sorry) And don't get be started on "hey ther i hav huge d!ck"
Does it have decent spelling and whatnot?

If the message is grand, on to the profile!
Is it funny and interesting? A bit different? Do we have anything in common?

If yes, and the person is still online, I might give them a bell.

Otherwise ... meeeh.



I might be really harsh though.

Some of them were really hillarious, funny guys. So much so that you need to put a disclaimer "not into S&M, kinky sex, 3 somes" lol to try and narrow the field.

Jeez, my profile has disclaimers, and I still get lunatics messaging me will "yay sex in teh butt"

cantdecide

IMing straight away is a big no - no.

If you're a genuine person looking for something special, it's pretty cold place to be at times but how different is that to real life circumstances? There is a huge male/ female discrepency on these sites which exacerbates things and they don't have to tell you FO in person if they're not buying what they think you're selling.

Wasn't it Tommy Tiernan that did a sketch about mustering the courage to approach the most beautiful girl in the disco- 'Would you like to dance'? No, so turn to the girl beside her. 'Would You like to dance'? and on and on...

Even though (I presume) you're intentions are honorable, I swear what you will find yourself doing is nothing short of a mail-shot. Unless you're a tall, rich, handsome celebrity, you won't have a high reply rate. That's why it becomes boring...

cantdecide

A friend of mine, a girl, signed up recently. Now, she had a pic up but she isn't stunning but interesting, educated and clearly wasn't the sex-fiend's type and was telling me how the mail was pouring in.

I haven't been appoached yet. If I wasn't proactive, I would be quickly forgotten! I've asked this before but has anyone any idea of the figures??

anthony4335

Maybe some one here should setup and poll or something listing the sites available to see the success rate of sites that are out there, as there are so many and some just look a little dodgy

LegacyUser

^ good idea

I signed up to one of these sites and just got BORED like cantdecide said.


If I was looking to pull I wouldn't go to a nightclub that had 10 times as many lads as girls.