Boyfriends mother is the problem!!

LegacyUser

Iv been with my boyfriend 3 years. He lives withhis mother, last weekend she came home drunk. She came in slaming doors and shouting abuse at her son. This uaually happens at least once a month where she says really hurtful things to him. This was the first time she started on me by saying iv been with him 3 years so its about time we moved in together!! I said to his mother that I had no intention of moving out with him yet, She started fumming and calling me names and pointing in my face. She said she was sick of me beening in her house and she wanted me to get out and that im not welcome. I spend no more than 2 nights a week in his house and I rarely stay overnight. Through all of this my boyfriend kept telling his mother to stop shouting and said leave me out of it that id done nothing wrong. She told me I was being cheeky with her which I wasnt. Im 23 years old and I couldnt belive she was speaking to me like I was a child. Today my boyfreind told me Im no longer allowed in his house. I was really hurt by this and its so childish. Iv been with him 3 years and she has never said anything to me before,I havent seen her since lastweekend and I havnet been near his house, I dont know what to do, any advice?

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

I dont know what to do, any advice?

I think it's pretty obvious. Just never go near the house again.
Why are you over there twice a week anyway?

MagicMarker

Can he move out?

I think you should just forget it, I wouldn't call not being able to go over to that house any great loss tbh. I mean do you still want to?

Forget about his mother, don't talk to her unless it's to say ''apology accepted''.

BenGunn

Beruthiel wrote: »

I think it's pretty obvious. Just never go near the house again. Why are you over there twice a week anyway?

Hang on a minute, I think the point is that he should have stood up for his gf, told his ma she was being a tool, and not to talk to his gf like that. I'd say he should threaten to move out if she can't come over but since his mother was suggesting that I guess it wouldn't be much of a threat. He should probably be thinking about moving out soon enough at his age anyway.

Beruthiel, what's wrong with being in your boyfriends house twice a week. People going out a few years are generally in eachother's houses a bit y'know.

LegacyUser

Im over there seen him and watching tv. He would love to move about but doesnt have the money

MagicMarker

BenGunn wrote: »

Hang on a minute, I think the point is that he should have stood up for his gf, told his ma she was being a tool, and not to talk to his gf like that. I'd say he should threaten to move out if she can't come over but since his mother was suggesting that I guess it wouldn't be much of a threat. He should probably be thinking about moving out soon enough at his age anyway.

Beruthiel, what's wrong with being in your boyfriends house twice a week. People going out a few years are generally in eachother's houses a bit y'know.

He did stand up for her.

MagicMarker

Unregistered wrote: »

Im over there seen him and watching tv. He would love to move about but doesnt have the money

Is he in college or something? Does he work?

LegacyUser

Yes he is in his final year in college he only has a parttime job!

Beruthiel

BenGunn wrote: »

Hang on a minute, I think the point is that he should have stood up for his gf, told his ma she was being a tool, and not to talk to his gf like that.

Read the OP's post again, he did stand up for her..

what's wrong with being in your boyfriends house twice a week. People going out a few years are generally in eachother's houses a bit y'know.

It's not his house, it's his mothers.
I understand she acted very badly and handled the situation in a dreadful, drunken manner. Very poor judgment call.
I am betting however, that after x amount of years of the OP going over to her house twice a week has worn thin.
Perhaps that's been on the boil for some time and has now come out because of the drink.

Time for her son to fly the nest and leave his mother to her own devices and so he can live his own life without interference.

January

Unregistered wrote: »

Iv been with my boyfriend 3 years. He lives withhis mother, last weekend she came home drunk. She came in slaming doors and shouting abuse at her son. This uaually happens at least once a month where she says really hurtful things to him. This was the first time she started on me by saying iv been with him 3 years so its about time we moved in together!! I said to his mother that I had no intention of moving out with him yet, She started fumming and calling me names and pointing in my face. She said she was sick of me beening in her house and she wanted me to get out and that im not welcome. I spend no more than 2 nights a week in his house and I rarely stay overnight. Through all of this my boyfriend kept telling his mother to stop shouting and said leave me out of it that id done nothing wrong. She told me I was being cheeky with her which I wasnt. Im 23 years old and I couldnt belive she was speaking to me like I was a child. Today my boyfreind told me Im no longer allowed in his house. I was really hurt by this and its so childish. Iv been with him 3 years and she has never said anything to me before,I havent seen her since lastweekend and I havnet been near his house, I dont know what to do, any advice?

I don't see what the problem is... if she doesn't want you in her house, she doesn't want you in her house, end of... Maybe it's time your boyfriend started coming over to your house two days a week??

She could have told you in a better way, but that's the upshot of it...

sexmag

Unregistered wrote: »

Iv been with my boyfriend 3 years. He lives withhis mother, last weekend she came home drunk. She came in slaming doors and shouting abuse at her son. This uaually happens at least once a month where she says really hurtful things to him. This was the first time she started on me by saying iv been with him 3 years so its about time we moved in together!! I said to his mother that I had no intention of moving out with him yet, She started fumming and calling me names and pointing in my face. She said she was sick of me beening in her house and she wanted me to get out and that im not welcome. I spend no more than 2 nights a week in his house and I rarely stay overnight. Through all of this my boyfriend kept telling his mother to stop shouting and said leave me out of it that id done nothing wrong. She told me I was being cheeky with her which I wasnt. Im 23 years old and I couldnt belive she was speaking to me like I was a child. Today my boyfreind told me Im no longer allowed in his house. I was really hurt by this and its so childish. Iv been with him 3 years and she has never said anything to me before,I havent seen her since lastweekend and I havnet been near his house, I dont know what to do, any advice?

kick her in the nuts,that should sort it out

Beruthiel

sexmag wrote: »

kick her in the nuts,that should sort it out

Banned.

Bottle_of_Smoke

I don't think anyone would get annoyed over you coming around 2 evenings a week unless she had a serious problem with you, or is pissed off about something with her son/herself.

Coming home drunk once a month and having a go at her son is the behaviour of a troubled person.

Life's too short to worry about people like her, don't go over there without an apology. Will probably sort itself out when your bf finishes college and moves out.

zoey

Okay unless you are totally taking over her living room, eating all her food, making noise when she's asleep....., I wouldn't be rushing over with an apology. Personally I think it should be her apologising to you, she's obviously the one with the problem if she can't be adult enough to discuss her problem with you sober!

Wagon

Your boyfriend sounds like he's in an awful situation. Don't go to the house again, he stood up for you so we can tell he doesn't take that crap from his ma lying down. but someone like her can be well ****ed in the head, and convinced that they're right. And my god, you are only over two nights a week! That's nothing!

seamus

There is a chance that your boyfriend is saying that you're "not allowed" come over because he's afraid that his Mum will get drunk and hassle you again if you're over. Easier to say that you've been "banned" rather than admit that he's embarrassed and afraid of his mother.

The mother clearly has problems which she doesn't talk about, so they manifest when she gets drunk. I don't think drinking is problem so much as the fact that she's clearly unable to express herself to her son when she's sober.

I would perhaps recommend going over there at a time when you're sure that she'll be sober and your boyfriend won't be there. Don't tell him you're going over. Just say that you're concerned because clearly she has a problem with you, so you'd like to find out what that is and sort it out for the sake of your boyfriend. Don't apologise, you haven't done anything wrong.

The mother herself may be shocked that she said these things.