Potential for the future? What to do?

foolish

I met this girl in October. We started seeing each other in Nov.. Got on great. Mutual attraction on every level, etc.. She split up with her ex last August. I said to her that I didn’t want to be her ‘rebound’ & she said that we would wait then until after she came back from her travels. She’s travelling in Feb to get her head sorted out. Anyway, to cut a long story short, we ended up getting together (at her instigation, NOT mine) before Christmas. I met her again on New Year’s Eve & she was really nice & affectionate & said some really nice things. We then went out & she bumped into her ex & proceeded to get very drunk & upset. She said that she was over her ex (which is true, actually, but that she just “too low” for a relationship at present). I said that that I respected that but just not to close her mind to the future. I’ve since spoken to her & she said that she needed to get her head together. I also asked her whether she meant all the nice things she said to me & she said yes she did. Anyway, it culminated in a few texts. I said to her that I thought there was potential in the future if we both felt like it, not now, because of the attraction & similar sensibilities & the respect that was there between us. She responded with “Yes you are right, maybe it’s a timing thing. However I will not pursue more because of where I am & for fear of causing pain to us. You are special & much more moved on than me” (she’s referring to the fact that my last relationship ended 3 years ago.). I then said that I missed her & that she had a beautiful heart, etc & reiterated the thing about potential for the future. She said “That’s lovely. All will be ok. Trust me. This year will be great.”

My heart & head are in a mess. Keep feeling tears well up inside of me. What should I do? What can I do? I know there’s no point in forcing the issue but this is someone I feel there could be a potential future with. I’ve met a lot of girls over the last year – just on dates (not relationships) & I really felt that there was something special with this person. I haven’t seen her for a week & I miss her so much already. She used to phone me everyday & text & e-mail me. It’s literally after we slept together that she’s got frightened of the intensity of feeling that can lead to, I guess. Should I give up hope? She wants to see me before she goes away at the end of January.

Sorry for the long post & appreciate any advice for coping I guess. I’m seriously down about this.

miders

You poor little chicken.in my opinion id say she wants to move on with you but is not ready or emotionally able to.you might be coming on a bit strong so maybe relax a little and stop looking for answers of her.
hang in there.whats for you wont pass you.

homerun_homer

It's horrible being in the situation of uncertainty with a relationship, you just want to skip into the future to know how it pans out to put your mind at rest but if only it was that easy.
All the signs are good, she really likes you and seems to want more in time so maybe you should give her the space she needs when she travels and keep yourself busy & distracted until her return. Don't build yourself up for a fall but remain hopeful. The time will hopefully do her good.

Giggy

I know that feeling of just wanting to text and get in contact, like it's all you can think of and you feel like you're losing control. But I think that is the worst thing you can do at the moment. She needs time and if you keep contacting her she will lose interest in my opinion. Give her the space she needs even though it's the hardest thing for you to do. Be strong because it sounds like she really does like you. You just need to have patience and it will get easier with time. I definitely agree with miders, what's meant for you won't pass you by.

foolish

Thanks so much for all your responses & for taking the time to read the thread. They have certainly cheered me up a bit. I suppose my fear is coming from the fact that if we don't see each other, anything that was between us might dissipate on her side (could that happen?) ...or that she might even meet someone else, though, truthfully, I don't think that would happen. I guess I just need to be brave.

spacetweek

I defo think that when someone says they're interested, they really mean it. Whether or not it leads to anything is to play for. You need to get back to her on it when she's ready - problem is, when's that.

I'd defo meet up with her at the end of January, so you can test that water and make sure things are kosher. Don't contact her while she's away or for a week or two when she gets back, then go for it. Some people take a long time to move on though.

foolish

spacetweek wrote: »

I defo think that when someone says they're interested, they really mean it. Whether or not it leads to anything is to play for. You need to get back to her on it when she's ready - problem is, when's that.

I'd defo meet up with her at the end of January, so you can test that water and make sure things are kosher. Don't contact her while she's away or for a week or two when she gets back, then go for it. Some people take a long time to move on though.

She left it in her last text to me during the week that she would speak to me "tomorrow". I didn't text her back but she hasn't been in touch with me. Would it be a bad move to text her myself (with something innocuous) ? Last thing I want is to appear desperate or to turn her off. I've always been a believer in keeping the momentum of communication going but at the same time, don't