What is love?

LegacyUser

There's this girl I've known for about 6 years at this stage. We've only met in person a small number of times due to living in different parts of the country but for a long time keep in constant contact. Daily communication and the like.

About 2 years ago we started off a long distance relationship but I couldn't continue as long distance wasn't for me. We told each other we loved each other and a few days later I ended it because of the distance. (obviously I regret that stupid decision).

We meet up a few months ago and slept together but she decided to get back with her boyfriend instead of starting a relationship with me (we live a lot closer now).

Basically for the last 3 years or so, she's constantly on my mind. I think about her when I'm laying in bed waiting to fall asleep and I think about her the next morning when I wake up and give myself 10 mins or so of laying in the bed before I fully get up.

I imagine her there beside me and I imagine her warmth snuggling into me. I even sometimes kiss my bicep pretending its her mouth. I have imaginary conversations with her in my mind and often whisper "I love you" to fresh air.

During the day I will sit in a lecture and my mind will wander and it will wander onto her. I often find myself lost in my thoughts and start smiling thinking of her.

She's the only girl I've ever been with, and my failure to say "I love you" the second chance I had with her blew it for me, I'd imagine.

I'm very skeptical on the whole love thing, or at least I was.

Question. Do I love her? Is the above love? or should I stop pretending?

Call Me Jimmy

The concept of love that you're referring to is entirely fabricated out of human arrogance. It doesn't exist. There are no lines that can be drawn that seperate love and lovelessness. It's all in your head whether you love her or not. If you want to, you will. If you don't, you won't.

[/gimp response]

LegacyUser

I think you really need to move on. 3 years is a long time. What you are doing is nuts. You are holding on to the memory of a relationship that went nowhere, maybe that was your fault. I don't know. If she has been with someone else for a considerable amount of time then what you had is over. Accept it. Move on. Try to replace the love you want to give with someone who actually does want to be with you - it'll be a lot less painfull.

Wibbs

Romantic love requires two people. If you don't have that it's like playing tennis against a wall. yes you'll get exercise, but it's not really tennis is it?

SarahSassy

You love the idea of her... You had he for a small while, got to know her a little bit but in the years since you broke up its highly likely she has changed... You may not love her if you were in a relationship with her now... You are paralysed and not willing to move on but you should understand that you are in love with a memory and not a real live person.

wylo

23male wrote: »

She's the only girl I've ever been with

I think that explains it, shes the only one you can associate those feelings with, maybe if you try and meet new women your opinions may change. I dont think its her that your obsessing over, its what she represents, i.e. that feeling of being crazy about someone and them giving you happiness.

I dont think saying the words "i love you" the second time would have made much difference to be honest.

Snowie

dude let go of her...

Your hurting your self more then any one... Like because you continue to hold onto these feelings you cant let go, how do you expect to be with any one else? I take it you do want to be with some one else.

It doesnt do you any good to be in the mind set you are in it doesnt sound like your in love with her, its sounds like your fanatickle about her....

There's more women out there... Some time's You think you meet some one and there like :eek: everything you ever wanted and things dont work out....

at the time it may seem cruel but give it a few years and ule meet some body cooler, and well it takes a while to meet someone whos right for you, but its not allways the person you think it is... and can take some time.........


all i can say is let go..... Its not doing your self esteam and mentle health any good holkding onto something thats not there.....