Funeral dilema

LegacyUser

Hey going unreg for this one.

Just found out this morning that the father of a friend passed away. However I haven't been talking to this friend in quite a while and I know that several people who I'm not exactly on speaking terms with will be attending the funeral. I'm having doubts about attending myself now as a result.

Any advice? Should I attend or keep my distance?

Beruthiel

It all depends on one thing, do you care about this friend you are not talking to?
Have you any intention on becoming friends again?
If so, go.
As for other people, that shouldn't make any difference to your decision.

LolaLuv

Don't worry about the other people, but the friend whose father died...would he appreciate you being there, or did you part on such negative terms that you being there would be a disturbance? Personally, I think you should go and show your support. It would be a nice thing to do, and it's a good time to extend the olive branch. Life's too short.

LegacyUser

The fact you have posted this thread is a sign that you are a decent person and you care.

If you think your presence will cause hurt for the person who's father died, don't go. If you think, it will cause a fight amongst others who attend (verbal or physical), don't go.

It depends on what you have done or what has happened in the past...If it's a falling out that won't cause anyone there upset, then you should go and pay your respects. It will be appreciated and perhaps will help you to reignite your friendship with these people. The basis of all friendships is respect after all and you will be showing them that despite what has happened between you, you respect them in their time of need.

There are times when pettiness should be left at the door. And funerals are indeed one of those times. Having gone through it myself, it is amazing how you will be alert to who is there and who isn't, despite your grief. You appreciate everyone who makes the effort.

Good luck.

NewFrockTuesday

I agree. People always remember who attends when a member of the family dies. It doesnt sound like its unexpected or devastatingly awful like a young person, so solid support by just being there is enough. You dont need to be smack in the middle but you cant take awknowledgement away whereas you dont wantto be wishing in the future that you had gone. Death is a leveller anyway and feuds are uusually put aside for a while.

Go I say.

LegacyUser

I think you should go, its the right thing to do. My mum passed away a few years ago, a girl who I had not spoke to in a long time turned up, we had fallen out badly but she came to show her respect and I appreciated that. We actually ended up meeting up a while after and chatting about things, although we will never be the kind of friends we once were, if I saw her now, Id stop and talk and not walk the other way which I may have done before.

jdivision

Go, you'll regret it if you don't. Sit on the other side of the church to the people you don't get on with. People make up at funerals all the time.

lilminx

Similar thing happened to me a few months ago. Fell out with a very close friend a number of years ago, and had very little to do with her since.

Found out her dad had passed away very unexpectedly from a taxi driver on the way home from a night out. I went straight to her house at 4 in the morning. Knocked on her bedroom window and just hugged her.

Went to removal and funeral and called her a few times after that. Haven't heard anything from her since but that was part of the reason we fell out in the first place.

But regardless, I was there for her sincerely and without expectation. She told me she appreciated it and I know her mother certainly did. In fact she said as much at the graveyard. As I said - I wasn't expecting a big Hollywood reunion - Just wanted to be there for her in as much as I could.

Regardless of any outcome, I think if you care about this person you should just show up and be there for them. Just knowing you're thinking about them is enough. If you feel it's not in yours or their best interest to actually attend, maybe send a card just letting them know you have them in your prayers or thoughts.

MIN2511

Go to the funeral, regardless of the issue ye had you still care for this friend. Sometimes situations like this reunite friends...

LegacyUser

Went to the funeral this morning, my friend seemed to appreciate me coming.

Thanks again for all the advice.

lilminx

Glad you made the decision and I'm sure your friend really appreciated it.

Firetrap

That's good news. Maybe you'll make up again, maybe you won't. But at least now it's maybe put your falling out to bed.