boyfrien problem..not so much A problem as it ia MY problem

LegacyUser

ok be prepared there is a rant coming...

my boyfriend ran after me for years..he is not exactly someone every girl would think is "HAWT" or a "fine thing" and lets just say many of my male "would be suitors"/ "friends" have questioned my choice since. but anyway from once he stopped trying so god damn hard and stopped embarressing himself infront of everyone and me i actualy got to know him and his personality won me over and now is quiet hot in my eyes anyway atleast! i love him to bits, we get on like a house on fire we are brilliant together, we've been going out for two years now he treats me brilliantly. not to say there arent areas capable of improvement though...

Firstly, he has a very expensive hobby (rallying) and it drives me crazy because he has absolutely no sense of responsbility. although his father is made of money he isn't and he doesnt seem to realise this. anyway im kind of sensible for my age and i can see myself in the future being ****ing bankrupt because of him.. i know i know its his money to spend and i havnt tried to stop him doing it i just kind of asked him where he gets all the money to do it and he has loans from two banks alone to finance this for just 2008... and im talking thousands of euro...his dad paid for it every other year but alas there is a recession now and he made his money from the building sector so he is suffering. Anyway he knows he isnt getting the funding from his dad now but stil he persists and he'l have to get more loans for this year to keep it going..

anyway our difference in opinions on that front kind of set me off on another tangent... to whether or not we are really alike as people.......

like, i know where i want to go in life and i have had to work for it at everystep where as he has been told what he was gonna do in life by his father, he was forced into college, a course he hated and was too hard he barely passed it, he was told recently by his dad that he had to take time off his first ever paid job (started last june at 21 years of age) to go on a course for this new Building Energy Rating thing so he can make his father more money...

Like im very independent and he has to be guided through every thing basicaly he doesnt have his own mind he is a bit of a follower!! and all of this has kind of lead to a slip in our relationship, not in any way in how we get on day to day but rather our sex life!!!!!!

Like i know its all me that is the problem... i am just not aroused by him anymore and i just cant imagine it as a good thing having sex with him anymore. i have kind of got this loser mentality/impression of him in my head now and he just doesnt do it for me anymore. like i feel so bad he brought me away on a really romantic trip for my birthday a couple of months ago and it was great for him but not me...like it was like i was just there to pleasure him he didnt seem to realise that i wasnt that interested in having sex with him but i couldnt refuse especially after he going to all that effort and expense. Another thing was where he brought me(PAris) i wouldnt have picked it for myself which makes me wonder if he really knows me at all after this time... its like as if he is being told what should impress a girl and doing it rather than taking my personality into account...

I am entirely confused about where i want this to go. I want to stay with him because i really do love him to bits and i couldnt imagine myself with another person, well i could in bed but not outside of the bedroom. im not the type to cheat at all but my mind has been wandering lately. i dont know what to do..... i want to stay with him and i could see the relationship going very far into the future and we would be very happy but just not in the bedroom.... i dont know......

Please tell me if im being a stupid arrogant bitch!! i feel awful for the way i feel.....

implausible

You both sound quite young and your entire post sounds like ye are just growing apart. You're realising now how different you are, which is fine if these differences are good. It sounds to me, however, like the differences are driving you mad!

Why not take a break for a while and see how you get on? It's very easy to say "I couldn't imagine myself with someone else" when you are still with someone. Only a while apart will tell you if this is really true.

LegacyUser

I'm only on for one second, and half asleep, so I won't answer in any great depth.

But, just to say that you are not stupid or arrogant or a bitch. What you have described are perfectly valid reasons for questioning a relationship or your attraction to somebody. Their ambition, drive, self sufficiency and maturity all strike at the heart of who they are. There is no right or wrong attitude to all this, but if their attitude is incompatible with yours, or is something you find off putting, that doesn't make you a bad person.

I don't have any advice more than that - that you are not wrong for having these issues. How big an issue they are is up to you.