Partner wants to know my password

LegacyUser

Hi,

This has been an issue on more than one occasion for myself and my girlfriend of 2 years.

I have an important password i use for some sites including e-mail, online shopping, paypal etc, and naturally I want to keep this to myself. The problem is sometimes my girlfriend would sometimes need to log into my ebay or something and I would just type it in for her. She asks me why I dont give it and I say its because peace of mind and I would just rather type it in for her. We've had an argument in the past about it and I thought it was settled and we understood each other.

Just tonight we had another argument about it and I'm sick of it, she thinks I don't trust her and considers it keeping a secret from her, which has really annoyed me. It's like i'm being put under pressure to tell her and I don't want to I think it is my choice and my personal information, she might be fine with sharing hers but I'm not.

Any advice?

kwinabeeste

set up 2 accounts on the computer, one for you and one for guests (her)?

i do this as the flatmates use the computer. I hate havin to put in new passwords for all sites so i am automatically logged into them when i go to that site.

If she wants to use ebay etc, she should really have her own account tbf tbh

I definitely wouldn't tell her. She's just being demanding and unfair asking you to tell her. It seems like it's some kind of test more than anything else.

You have a right to your privacy; what would happen if ye broke up on bad terms and she had access to all of your personal online information? Disaster.

DON'T TELL HER!

littlebug

Is there a reason why she can't set up her own e bay account

I find it strange that your girlfriend would want your password and not in the slightest bit strange that you are reluctant to give it to her. Does she know it's the same one for your email etc?
I assume you know you shouldn't have the same password for everything:)

Curvy Vixen

If you don't want to give it to her then that should be a good enough reason not to.

Many people get together and think that they need to 'merge' into one person, reading each others mails, letters, knowing every ounce of personal business.

I think there is a huge difference between privacy and secrecy. Passwords are private...I think that this is her issue not yours..

Mr E

If you have her email address, create an account for her on any of the sites she is interested in (shopping, ebay etc)

Problem solved.

miju

obvious answer here why not just have a slightly different password for your ebay account so you can give it to her?

my partner of 8 years doesnt know my password for my personal accounts and nor would she ask for it / expect to know it.

GF needs to cop the fook on TBH everyones entitled to a bit of privacy even in a relationship

kwalshe

-JammyDodger- wrote: »

I definitely wouldn't tell her. She's just being demanding and unfair asking you to tell her. It seems like it's some kind of test more than anything else.

You have a right to your privacy; what would happen if ye broke up on bad terms and she had access to all of your personal online information? Disaster.

DON'T TELL HER!

I agree 100% with this. She is the one with the problem. Ask her what her password are and then setup the accounts for her

D_murph

Dont give her the password. Its your private one and youre entitled to keep it to yourself.

Sounds like a pretty unreasonable request from her in the first place anyway.....

littlebug

kwalshe wrote: »

I agree 100% with this. She is the one with the problem. Ask her what her password are and then setup the accounts for her

but then she's got the fact that he knows her password to use against him:p Help her set up her accounts if she needs it but ask that sets the passwords privately herself as you don't want/ need to know them.

MJOR

tell her to feck off! No way would I be giving out those details to her. You nothing to hide! Be firm on this!

banshee_bones

probably doing it so she can access your email, see if your up to no good maybe?

Dont give it to her. Set up a guest A/C on your computer

The_B_Man

Ye, logic would indicate that you need to create a separate account or password, but as we all now when it comes to women, logic can go out the door!

tbh, you're just going to have to find out why it is that she wants your password. If its just for less hassle when using eBay then your simply gonna have to change ur ebay/paypal password. If its so she can get into your email and stuff, then you'll jsut need to convince her somehow to back off.

Silverfish

Here is what I would do.

I would change my ebay password only. I would give her this password only.

I would leave my email, paypal, whatever else as a separate password.

If she so much as hints at it not being the same password used for email, paypal, whatever else, I'd know that SHE was the one who couldn't be trusted.

Oh, and in the meantime, I'd tell her to set up her own account as well.

But what I would do is not what most normal people would do. The normal person response is 'No, this is my password. Mine, for me. I do not give it to ANYone.'

The_B_Man wrote: »

but as we all now when it comes to women, logic can go out the door!

Don't generalise.

challengemaster

Let her get her own ebay account. They're not exactly hard to setup..

cashville

I would be the same - no way is anyone getting my password. I think it's unfair her making a big deal about it. Some people have different views on stuff like this, maybe she isn't bothered and would give hers out but she should respect the fact you want to keep yours private.

Stand firm on this one buddy.

Dublinstiofán

Silverfish wrote: »

Here is what I would do.

I would change my ebay password only. I would give her this password only.

I would leave my email, paypal, whatever else as a separate password.

If she so much as hints at it not being the same password used for email, paypal, whatever else, I'd know that SHE was the one who couldn't be trusted.

Oh, and in the meantime, I'd tell her to set up her own account as well.

Perfect, what silverfish said is exactly what i would do. Just saved me typing it.

Don't entertain any of her ****e anyway. Passwords or PIN numbers are PERSONAL numbers for the one user only. Tell her to **** off and open her own accounts and use do magairlí

MysticalSoul

I wouldn't give out my password, and I am a woman

She should really set up her own ebay account. She is only your girlfriend, is not as if you are married. I can't understand why she would fight you over this, as there is so much in the media these days about identity fraud etc. Also, some people are more careful about their personal details than others (eg bin it, or shred it).

indiana jones

she's being completely unreasonable. i can see both sides as i am in a 5 yr relationship with trust issues and i get crazy unreasonable during that time of the month but ive never gone as far as to ask for my boyfriends email password. sounds like she doesnt trust you.. and has trust issues. poor dear. give her lots of reassurance while telling her nicely to cop on.
its like when someone reads your mobile messages even if you have nothing to hide your still mad at them because its private.

Local-womanizer

If your bank account is robbed the bank will ask you if you are the only person who uses the card,if not they wont refund you the money.Banks say only the person who the card is issued to can use it.Iam sure it would be the same with paypal.

Tell her to cop on.If she dosent trust you that is her shortcoming.

I wouldent give the pope my password!

Freddie Cork

Tell her to f*ck off, but nicely. It's your password FFS! I have been married 2.5 years - but was with my wife for 8 years before that. I only gave her my password after we got married, and it was never an issue before that. Ask her if she'll let you take nude photos of her & see what she says - same premise: if you split up, you both have something personal & potentially damaging belong to the other, and if it's a bad break, you'll regret it. I know it's awkward discussing "but if we break up, etc", but this is reality and it happens.

You've only been with this girl for 2 years - she's being unreasonable.

daftdave

before you know it you will be driving the banger and she will have that lovely audi that you paid for, nip this one in the bud before she starts to try control you !

b3t4

I'm about to be harsh so brace yourself.

Grow a pair.

Tell her in no uncertain terms that you will not be giving her your password. You're wishy, washy, answers in the past have meant that she feels she can push the subject. Make it clear that the subject can not be pushed.

Be clear, Be firm and mean what you bloody well say!

To those that suggest all the work arounds well they're only going to set you up for worse to come.

A.

Wibbs

Have to agree with b3t4 on this. She's pushing for control and if you give it to her to "make her happy" 9 times outa 10 it'll have the complete opposite effect.

I've given my password out to ex girlfriends and they've given me theirs. It was no big deal and usually came about out of some real need for us to know each others. Other exes it either didn't come up or they pushed me for it for no good reason. The latter were told to take a long walk off a short pier.

kingcantona

wow that is really an unreasonable request from her tbh! Tell her to set up her own. End of. Seriously man it shouldnt even be an issue!

TouchingVirus

Just going to chip in with Wibbs & b3t4 on this one - man up and put the foot down. It's completely unreasonable, you're not comfortable giving it out, so make it clear in no uncertain terms that you won't be giving it out. End of story, like it or lump it

SheRa

Have to say that I also think that your girlf is being really unreasonable. I needed to access my Boyf's laptop so asked him to type in his password for the log in as I wouldnt dream of asking for it, god never mind for ebay or anything else.

After a few times Boyf just gave me his password, which I thought was lovely , but I certainly did not expect it. I trust him and dont feel the need to have access to every facet of his life. The way I see it is there's somethings that you just want to keep for yourself and Im like that with my laptop.

axer

do people not trust their other halves anymore? maybe i'm just a little naive in thinking that my girlfriend is not going to rob me blind the first chance she gets.

TouchingVirus

IMO she's not been with the OP long enough to get that level of access, especially considering just how much damage one could do with a password these days, especially a paypal/ebay password

metamorphic

just ask her to respect your boundaries. Gotta have a few, even just to see if she expects you to let her overstep them.

Rb

I don't get why you wouldn't want her to know your password, unless you're hiding something.

My girlfriend and I know eachothers passwords but respect eachothers entitlement to privacy.

dinneenp

There's no harm in her knowing it but I understand not wanting her to have it.
I've nothing to hide in my e-mails or text messages but at the same time wouldn't expect my woman to look through them.....

littlebug

A password is only as good as it's keeper. The more keepers there are the more risky it is, especially if there's money involved. I don't think it's about keeping secrets or hiding anything it's about the whole meaning of a private password. I couldn't count the amount of times i've sat down at a pc in uni to find that the person who was there before me hasn't logged out. the same happens in internet cafes, librarys etc. Or someone's wallet/ bag / coat gets stolen and the password happens to be written down on a piece of paper in it.

Zulu

Rb wrote: »

I don't get why you wouldn't want her to know your password

He doesn't need to explain himself.

unless you're hiding something.

Do you extend that to diarys aswell? and if not, why not?

My girlfriend and I know eachothers passwords but respect eachothers entitlement to privacy.

Well bully for you guys, you're just great. Every person is different, and every relationship is different.
Me and my gf don't feel the need to share everything with each other. This partially comes from respect and partially from self-security (as opposed to insecurity).

OP, if you don't want the confrontation, you could try lieing. Give her a fake password. "Timbucktoo", but as "T1m8o0ktOo". She'll try if and get it wrong. She'll try it again after you tell her it's "T1m8Ooto0", and get it wrong again. She'll get fustrated; you'll feign fustration and just type it in for her.
Issue resolved. Kinda.

(But you do really need to just put the foot down really)

TouchingVirus

The OP's refusal to provide his password does not mean he has anything to hide, nor should it arouse unfounded suspicions that he does - it simply means that he's not comfortable giving his O/H his password at the minute. What if the OP has nothing to hide but has a feeling his girlfriend will spend, spend spend if she got her hands on the password?

Regardless of the reasons for not wanting to, she shouldn't push the issue and is wrong to do so. He is his own person, it's his password and his choice. Presumably his name on the credit card used for paypal and ebay and its his name on the emails that's received to his inbox.

Obviously you're comfortable with your girlfriend knowing your password and she's happy with you knowing hers..different strokes and all that but it would appear from the posts so far (not an ideal sample I know) that you're outnumbered

Nobody knows any of my passwords nor will I tell anybody my passwords while I'm around (I have something in place to give my parents my passwords in the event of my demise) The telling policy I have could change, but not for a 2 year old relationship, think more like 8+ years and marriage

littlebug

TouchingVirus wrote: »

This could change, but not for a 2 year old relationship, think more like 8+ years and marriage

8+ years and marriage and we still don't know each others passwords. Nobody's hiding anything. It wouldn't even cross our minds to be honest.

smileykey

If you trust her and trust your own judgement then I don't see the harm in telling her. Me and my GF both know each other's passwords for convience sakes e.g.if i'm not near a computer but want to check if an important email has come through and get her to check it, etc. Its handy actually.

Having said that though I can't understand her obsession with knowing it. If my gf had told me she didn't want to share hers with me I'd be fine with that (And I am a woman so its not her gender that renders her illogical). You've clearly stated that you don't want to tell her it and she should respect that.

You have the right to your boundaries however you chose to set them. Just because she's happy to tell you hers doesn't mean you have to be. However one thing I think is wrong is to lie to her about it or to change that and test to see if she tries to check your email, etc. Thats where this trust issue become a problem of deception and gives her a legitamite reason not to trust you.