Best Drunken rant you've ever heard?

Riddle101

What's the best drunken rant you ever heard?

Mine would be at a Christmas Party two weeks ago. We were in a pub for it and this man sat down beside me and started ranting about the Leinster rugby team, that they were shi*e and that if they got all the men from Finglas, Blanchardstown, Tallaght and Balleyfermot then Cork would s**t themselves and telling me to spread the word to my friends and other people on a Rugby team(Although i don't play rugby)

Peared

The Dublin rugby team?

monkeyfudge

The weathercheck grey haired men in Tomangos rant.

AckwelFoley

Dublin rugby team? Im thinkin u were not listening to him.

im putting 20 on gaa

Peared

€20 on Leinster.

Shacklebolt

I seen a video of myself drunkenly ranting about the characteristics of the various regions of Ireland and listing off the nicknames and stereotypes of each county. Whenever I came to one I didnt like I got very abusive. :pac:

Another time after I got dumped in a particularily nasty fashion I suggested to my friend (who had once suffered a similiar problem) that we should follow the idea from Strangers on a Train and kill off each others ex's-Im still not sure how serious I actually was

Peared

Shacklebolt wrote: »

I seen a video of myself drunkenly ranting about the characteristics of the various regions of Ireland and listing off the nicknames and stereotypes of each county. Whenever I came to one I didnt like I got very abusive. :pac:

Another time after I got dumped in a particularily nasty fashion I suggested to my friend (who had once suffered a similiar problem) that we should follow the idea from Strangers on a Train and kill off each others ex's-Im still not sure how serious I actually was

Wow you sound like husband material.

Shacklebolt

snyper wrote: »

Dublin rugby team? Im thinkin u were not listening to him.

im putting 20 on gaa

Peared wrote: »

€20 on Leinster.

I would say the references to Cork as the enemy, and Finglas and Blanch as places to find good players means it was probably GAA.

Mr. Incognito

Mel Gibson.

Hands down.

"Are you a jew.........

Four-Too

Guy complains about people from another town not respecting him when he goes out in it. Then he complains about the bus he was on not stopping for him. "This bus is a pile of ****e. I was lying on the road and it drove past me one night. I was lying in the gutter, and them people wouldn't help me....I'm intitled to my opinion, this is the free-state, am I not entitled ot my opinion? If I was in Belfast I wouldn;t be entitled to my opinion." lol

Kold

I bumped into a guy who worked in a campsite in Amsterdam and he said that of the many mushy rants he'd heard in his time, mine was the funniest.

Made me feel good tbh. I can't remember most of it but it had a lot of elements including my then girlfriend being the variable to my somewhat constant life, the water cycle, nitrates in my piss and my envy at my friend's spiritual guide and it all climaxed when I stood up, pointed at my girlfriend who was talking gibberish to herself and asked "Are you the f*cking antichrist!?" Then I sat down and said "I'm ok..." He said somehow I said all that and more and somehow it kind of made sense in the end and he laughed about it for weeks.

happyoutscan

In Galway walking by this guy (always across from Front Door and always locked) and he mutters 'I won the lotto twice... worst thing that ever happened to me.'

SoupyNorman

Enda Kenny

thefinalstage

monkeyfudge wrote: »

The weathercheck grey haired men in Tomangos rant.

I have been on here too long. I remember that one...

GAAman

In my local there is a guy called "ra mick" cos when he gets drunk its plastic paddy all the way.

"Dev shoulda listened to me in the gpo the silly cu*t, i told him what we shoulda done"

ra mick recently celebrated his 47th birthday..........

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

I had a pretty good one a while back, ranting about how I hated my parents and they didn't give a **** about me, and they were middle class ****, which eventually, after many twists and turns turned into ranting about how I hated myself because I own too much stuff, which is completely immoral in a world where poverty exists. Which then turned into telling my sister no, she cannot fucking have my stuff so. During all this I got my sisters name wrong. I don't remember any of this but I know it definitely happened coz my mam was taping it (see she IS a wanker).

And over Christmas one of my friends had a few classic ones on the subject of another friend having come out....she threatened to kill him if he ever shifts a boy in front of her, bit harsh

AlmightyCushion

I remember one guy trying to tell me that we were in a different timezone to the uk because their news starts at 6 whereas ours starts at 6:01. He also said there was 8 days in the week because Sundays papers were delivered on Saturday night so the week didn't end on a Saturday, it ended on a Sunday. Yeah, I know, nuts doesn't even begin to describe it.

Run_to_da_hills

I found the best place for drunken rants were at the back of the church at midnight mass. This has all changed since they brought the times foreward not to clash with pubs closing early.

One occasion an old woman hobbled in late and left the door open at the back of the church. someone shouted across the floor during a lul in the sermon "mam, will you shut the fu*kin door" everyone in the church heard it and couldn't hold it back.

Another time someone stood up at the back of the church and shouted at the top of his voice thanking the Provisional IRA for the work that they did over the previous year, He was frog marched out by members of the public.

Terry

A former neighbour once told us that Ford had a car which ran on water, but the designs were buried by the American government.
Other buried things included the cure for both AIDS and cancer.

I've come out with some beauties of my own, mostly when I was younger. Most of which are lost in the haze of drink.

I had been drinking in town with a friend when I was 17. We ended up in Crown Alley and my friend decided to let some street vendor put braids in his 1 inch fringe.

While waiting I sat next to a homeless guy and told him the end of the world was immenent. He ended up walking away.

A few years back I ended up in my local with an English guy who worked with a friend.
I set about educating him on the horrors of the famine. I did it in a friendly way and he was quite interested in what I was telling him. Note that I covered the fact that some Irish people were as guilty as the British.

Then one of the bar flies butted in and started ranting about the IRA. The bar man told us to change the topic, but the bar fly kept ranting about how the English were ***** and so forth.

Myself and the English guy ended up moving to a table with me apologising profusely for the actions of the bar fly.
What made it mildly amusing was that the English guy was a 6' 4" tough as nails Geordie and the Irish guy was a scrawny little ****er.

gerky

I was close enough to hear a drunk guy sitting on the ground try explain to a security guard why "the blacks" just aren't as advanced as whites.
Now what makes this strange to say the least was that the security guard in question was black.

Some of the memorable comments were (Its not dat yis are bad er anything yis just haven't advanced as much as us) the security guard was just grinning at me and leading this guy on.
So then the guard says how do you mean more advanced, the guy says (ya see I learned history and the Africans or the Arabs never advanced, living in mud huts while us whites were buildin palaces and cathedrals)

The guard then says what about the pyramids, to which the guy says (Don't be bull****tin me they weren't in Africa that was Egypt)

What could you do but facepalm.

Riddle101

snyper wrote: »

Dublin rugby team? Im thinkin u were not listening to him.

im putting 20 on gaa

My bad now that i think about it, it proberly was the Leinster Rugby team. I just thought that when he started naming Dublin areas he was talking about a Dublin Rugby team and when he talked about Cork. All i know is he started saying that if they got people from Blanchardstown, Finglas and Balleyfermott then everyone would S**t themselves

david

<3BeingIN6th wrote: »

A former neighbour once told us that Ford had a car which ran on water, but the designs were buried by the American government.

Not entirely impossible IMO

Like the Ford Ka Olga Kurylenko (sp?) drives in Quantum of Solace? The one that supposedly has a hydrogen fuel cell.