Friends boyfriend may have a STD

Helpneeded1

Im worried about a friend of mine y. About see months ago she started to seeing a guy x. Now x happens to be a casual aquaintance of mine. I happen to know that he quite frequantly uses prostituites. Not escorts but prostituites. The forign nationals who hang about the main street in the town we live in, offer sex to guys coming out of nightclubs. I decided not to tell y at the time. I thouht they wouldnt last. But met the two of them out new years eve. Im worried that x may of picked up a std of one the girls, and I concerned for my friend there is no way he would of told her paied girls for sex. Ordinalrly I would of told y about x’s inderetions and advisder to get a STD test. But we have some history and im worried if I do tell her Im not sure she will belive me. She thinks hes the oon and stars. Im worried shell just think im being petty and bitter. Should I wait for them to break up and tell her then. Tell her now, she might not belive me and I loose her forever as a friend. But I really am concerened about her health. Also I know for definate that up until six months ago he was using prostituitst I dont know that he still is, and in all likelyhood if shes gonna catch something she probably has it by now. WHAT TO DO

MagicMarker

Why the hell didn't you tell her when they first met!? So what if it wouldn't have lasted long? They only need to have sex once!

Fair enough, people are responsible for their own sexual health. But you were in a position to warn a friend of a possible risk before it happened!

There will probably be people telling you to stay out of it, but when there's a person's health at risk you really have to intervene. Just tell your friend to get checked out.

biko

You should advice her to get a STI check done even if they're using condoms.
He and her can get printouts so they can show each other. Don't mention the prostitutes.

Or do mention them, she's bound to hear it sooner or later from someone and you should be first to let her know.

LegacyUser

oh my god she needs to know and now..

I know it would be difficult for you to tell her now, so why not send a letter to her explaining what you know (without telling her who you are) and attach some numbers for her local testing cinic.. At least you have then done your bit and its up to her to follow it up.. I would....

dudara

This may sound controversial, but what right do you have to go poking your oar in on her relationship? It sounds a bit cold, but interference is often not welcome.

Are you 100% sure that he paid these women for sex? And can you be 100% sure that he has an STD? You will come across as someone making a lot of accusations, so be sure of your facts if you decide to go down this road.

LegacyUser

There in is the problem. I know he paid for sex. But I dont know if he has a STD. If I knew for a fact he did. Id tell her staight out. I cant send a letter. She’ll know it was me. I havent spoken to her in months. I had some things going on in my life when they hooked up. To be honest im not sure if shell even belive me. Whats more if I do tell her I think it will break her heart. She thinks this guy is it. Whats more im not even sure that my reasons for anting to tell her are pure, and it isnt any o my bussinees. Shouldnt I just be happy for her, if shes going to pick something up surely she will of by now. Should I say it to her sister and get her subtly mention it. That x and y should get tested. Just for kicks ? I know she gives blood quite regularly . Do they screen donated blood, for STDs. Please tell me they do. It would be a weight off my shoulders

Bottle_of_Smoke

It's his business. If you're that concerned you could take the less cowardly option of confronting him and asking him if he's been checked.

You don't know he's caught anything, and more importantly you don't know if they've already discussed it & been checked. Do you really think she's going to be comfortable discussing this kind of topic?

Mr. Incognito

Firstly, spellcheck.

Secondly, you sound like a jealous little ex.

You are putting two and two together and getting ten.

Mind your own business.

implausible

You could confront him with your worries and tell him to get checked or you'll tell her what you know about his past. In fairness, he may have been careful and there's no point in causing hassle if you haven't got the facts. Is he an ok guy otherwise? Maybe it's something in his past that he wants to move away from...

LegacyUser

Incognito this thing has been eating me up for that last while. So forgive me if i dont spellcheck. I dont see anyvalue in that pointing out. I dont think im putting 2 and 2 together and getting 10. I think I should be conserned about a friend whos BF used to take romanina girls back to his home to give him a bj for e 20 or a ride for e60. What a filth bag
I dont think im going to say anything, I just wanted someone to support me on it. But its been tearing me up inside. I think it would break her heart and thats the last thing Id ever want to do. But at the same time i cant not be worried about my friend. Im sure they must do some sort of check on donated blood [Hopefully]. In the event they do break up Ill say it to her. But not until then.

Thanks guys I just needed someone to back me up on it

AARRRGH

Firstly, we don't know if the prostitutes have STIs.

Secondly, we don't know if he had sex with the prostitutes. We don't know what they did together.

Thirdly, prostitutes use condoms.

Fourthly, you can catch an STI from anyone. Diseases are not limited to prostitutes. And the average drunken one night stand probably doesn't involve a condom. IMO that is riskier sex.

Fifthly, we don't know if he has an STI.

Sixtly, we don't know if your friend has an STI. Is she an angel? Should he be worried...?

Sevently, interfering in other people's relationships is generally a bad idea. You probably won't get the reaction you hope.

Eightly, is it really any of your business?

Ninthly, I just wanted to say ninthly.

girl_friday

stillcantlogin wrote: »

I think I should be conserned about a friend whos BF used to take romanina girls back to his home to give him a bj for e 20 or a ride for e60. What a filth bag

How do you know the prices?

stillcantlogin wrote: »

I dont think im going to say anything, I just wanted someone to support me on it. But its been tearing me up inside. I think it would break her heart and thats the last thing Id ever want to do. But at the same time i cant not be worried about my friend.

You are right in that you should possibly be concerned for your friend but why come on here if you are then going to refuse to do anything more about it? As has been said you do not need to go to her about it, you can confront him...

stillcantlogin wrote: »

Im sure they must do some sort of check on donated blood [Hopefully].

They check for HIV/AIDS and hepatitis as far as I know - nothing more!!

stillcantlogin wrote: »

In the event they do break up Ill say it to her. But not until then.

why say it to her at that stage?? as others have said it will be too late by then if she has caught anything. Do you hope you will be seen as the white knight rushing in to save her from the big bad guy??

I don't mean to be harsh but your posts aren't making sense to me. You want to help her but you don't want to upset her. You think she should know but you are not willing to tell her or ensure her safety in any other way at this point. You need to decide what your priorities are. Many STDs/STIs are symptomless but can cause damage to a woman's reproductive system if not caught in time. By leaving it too long you could cost your friend her fertility or more - will she thank you for that?

Nevyn

Look all you can do is talk to your friend about going to get tested.
If she won't then it's her own health and her own look out and that's that.