BF and family fighting - can't take any more

LegacyUser

I had the worst Christmas and New Year's ever. I live with my BF of 3 years. My family hate him. It has come to a point where they do not want him at their houses anymore. We live together. I am 30 and he 34. There was alot of tension over the last year. My family got very upset over the fact that he had borrowed money from other people - I am taking sums of 20-50€. He paid these people back - but my family are very upset about this - he was out of work for 3 months last year and found it hard to get a job. He has been in a steady job now since Feb 08 (please god it continues). Other (s*it) things to happen in 08 included him needing an operation and being out of work for 5 weeks. So things have been so hard.

My older sister has now told me that she suspects him of stealing money off her. She has no proof, but the hate is there. He denies it and is very upset. After a disasterous 08, we were looking to start a new year. I cant eat, sleep am so upset.

My ex (we broke up 3/4 years ago) text me this morning and tells me that he got married last year and is now expecting a baby. I am delighted for him but so sad for myself.

I am considering breaking up with him. I do love him, but as I was told the otherday, all this controversy is going to put my father in an early grave. My other sister told me that she has cut me out of her life.

He is not perfect, and I am not defending him, but have my family gone too far? Noone will talk to me. I feel such a failure and have spent the last few days in bed crying my heart out. Do I choose my bf or family. Why cant I have them both? He says he will never speak to them again after being accused. My family say they will never speak to him again. He even went so far as to call to my sisters house to talk this out but she wouldnt talk to him. Anyone any advice please cause my heart is breaking.

MagicMarker

In what way is he not perfect? Because what you're saying doesn't add up.

He was out of work, not exactly an offense! He had to have an operation, he borrowed a small amount of money which he paid back.

Other than the stealing accusation, none of this really explains why your WHOLE family hates him. There has to be something you're not mentioning?

Is this a case of a girl being with a complete waster but blinded by love? Whose family tries to help but eventually just gives up out of frustration?

LegacyUser

Hi OP, you poor thing stuck in the middle. Your BF if I understand has borrowed off family members? This isn't a crime but will not endear him to them at all no matter how small the sum was. Looks like they are worried about you ending up in poverty. The stealing thing was very bad accusation though,not surprised he's upset about that. If she has no proof and you trust him then I would not let her say it again. They want to protect you so maybe tell them you respect this. The BF needs to stop borrowing especially from you relatives. Only you can decide if he's worth it in the long haul.

Teddi

I have to agree with Magic Marker OP..

It doesnt really add up in my head either as to why your WHOLE family hates him..ok.I'd understand maybe one family member hating him as say personalities clashed...but you defended everything supposed negative about him...

So...to me he doesnt seem like a bad guy?..am I missing something?

is there a large sum of money he hasnt paid back?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

Have been in hell the last few days but couldnt get on the net.

My family are very close nit-at least they think they are.

When my sister first suspected him on stealing, she didnt say it to him or to me, it was to my other sister who went mental.

They discuss amongst themselves what is going on-I have never ever done this to them.

He is completely heart broken-he wont eat. He has lost weight and is gaunt looking.

Not one of my family will talk to him. He has tried to approach them to defend himself but they keep telling him to f off, not to speak to them or never darken their door again.

Not once have any of them asked if I am ok or what is going on-I see this as not caring. My dad gave him a loan which he paid back, but there was huge controversy over it at the time-my dad actually gave it to him-he didnt ask for it. They speak in whispers amongst themselves-never openly. I actually havent eaten myself yet today-only managed a cup of coffee. I am back to work tomorrow and welcome the distraction. If I do break up with him, it has to be on my terms, not on theirs. I have spoken to my mothers about this, just about the only one I can talk to and she is shocked all this is going on. Broke my heart to tell her but I needed to talk to someone. Families are great when they are functioning properly, but it looks like mine are turning their back on me.

herya

Well if your dad gave him a loan and you can discuss it with your mother it looks like it's only your sisters who hate him. Can you work it out with your parents and forget about the sisters if they are so silly? Unless you keep something from us your BF does not look like a villain here.

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

My older sister has now told me that she suspects him of stealing money off her. She has no proof, but the hate is there. He denies it and is very upset. After a disasterous 08, we were looking to start a new year. I cant eat, sleep am so upset.

My ex (we broke up 3/4 years ago) text me this morning and tells me that he got married last year and is now expecting a baby. I am delighted for him but so sad for myself.

I am considering breaking up with him. I do love him, but as I was told the otherday, all this controversy is going to put my father in an early grave. My other sister told me that she has cut me out of her life.

I dont know if you have ever heard the phrase " my family put the fun into dysfunctional" but its a fun one and puts this in perspective.

I think that your being emotionally blackmailed by your family and the reason they are doing it is because they can.

Your father is not going to die because of your b/f and I doubt if your sister had any money go missing either.

The big issue they have is in telling you how to live your life but are using emotional blackmail, guilt and deceit to do so.

I would stick with your b/f if you love him but would not react in any way to this. I wouldnt call my sisters or whatever and I would just relax and enjoy the new year.

If my sister repeated the same stuff about the money I would ask her to put it in writting so I could hand it over to my solicitor. If your father thing came up - I would ask can you go with him on his next doctors appointment to ask the doctor if your relationship has any affect on his health.

When you see how silly these assertions are in reality - it makes things easier.