Break-up

LegacyUser

Sorry for the long post in advance. Just trying to clear my head.

Going un-regged for this. Broke up with the girlfriend there yesterday. What a start to the new year. We were only together 8 months but I felt so much for her. I loved her more than I have loved anyone before. There was always something though. People spreading rumours and eventually this got too much for my girlfriend, that's why she finished it.

I'm just finding it really hard because she's telling me now she wants to cut all contact as she thinks it'll be too hard for her to be friends with me. Like yesterday we were fighting then we made up and she was cuddling me, kissing me and we even had sex, then she just went weird on me and said she had to go. Then she texted me saying it's completely over. I thought she was an amazing person and would have loved to stay close friends with her.

We did have sex a few times unprotected (silly I know so please don't post to tell me I'm an idiot because I know it wasn't the smartest thing to do). Should I get checked out for STI's? I was reading the stickey and saw the places listed. Do I just walk in and is it free of charge? Cash is a bit tight at the moment.

Thanks for reading. I'm just finding this hard and thought it would help to write stuff down.

Thanks

jellie

in the long run cutting contact is best, otherwise its very easy to end up in a cycle of what happened yesterday - make up, etc, then fight, then make up then fight..

spend time with other friends & try stay busy, it does get better.

[Jackass]

Sorry to hear about that OP.

It seems a lot of people are having difficulties with break ups at the moment, must be the time of year.

Regarding STIs there's no harm in getting checked, see sticky at top of forum.

Regarding the break up, did she give a reason? Rumours? What does that even mean?? Text her and say you'd like to talk about it. Just see where she is and what is bothering her. If you really like her don't be afraid to fight for her.

Maybe a couple of days down the line she could change her mind again. I mean it's pretty mental to have sex with someone in the same night you break up with them (and not break up sex, proper sex I presume.)

Meet up with her, talk through the issues, reassure her and comfort her. It's early days, no damage that can't be fixed has been done.

Best of luck OP.

LegacyUser

Thanks lads for the replies.

Jackass yeah I think this time of the year causes stress for couples, resulting in breakups.

When I say rumours I mean things being said to her about me that never happened. This on top of other things got too much for her she said. I've been in contact with her today she wants to meet up tonight and said she doesn't wanna lose me so I'll see what happens.

LegacyUser

Yea, happy new year!!! Break ups are hard. I know some people find it easy to stay friends but if you do still have feelings I think the best thing is to end contact otherwise as someone above said you just get into that vicious cycle of jealousy and arguments. Dont even bother trying the whole we will be friends but still be with each other malark, only asking for trouble there. Maybe break contact and if you really do still want to be friends then a few months down the line when you have both moved on then maybe get in touch.

banshee_bones

sorry to hear about the break up op but believe me it is the hardest thing in the world cutting all contact and im sure your ex gf didnt take this decision lightly. It will be hard but you just have to do it and respect her wishes for space, and also to stop that vicious circle of make up break up thing going.
keep the chin up it will get easier

Snowie

I dont get it whys the Op's ex is getting, rummers spread about her what's she done that so wrong,, thats cuased people to dispite her rummer's ?

the fact that you had sex then she went weird sugest's some sort of guilt.

Sanjuro

My friend, I have been on both sides of the coin. I've been the dumper and the dumpee. And the one thing I have learned from both experiences is that cutting contact is the best thing to do. On both occassions, I wanted to remain friends. But the hurt that is caused to both the person doing the breaking and the person being broken up with cannot be avoided by staying in contact. In almost every situation it makes things worse.

I understand that you don't want to cut contact. It's very difficult doing that when you've invested a great deal of time and emotion with somebody. But for your own peace of mind, cutting contact is the best thing you can do. Things will get easier on you. But not while you try to remain in contact with your ex.

Best of luck!

LegacyUser

Op here again.

Just though I'd give an update to see what people's opinions are. We've seen each other everyday since the break-up and have gotten on like a house on fire. Again there was the kissing, cuddling, etc. but each time she says she doesn't know if she can be with me. She has really apologized about this as she doesn't mean to be confusing me (which she is) but she can't help how she feels. She told me tonight that she needs space. What does this mean? Should I stop contacting her and meeting up with her until she decides what she wants? It's really fúcked up I think how great we are together but she doesn't know if she wants to be with me...

LegacyUser

She's sounds like an immature cow. Move on. My ex did same. Walk away with your dignity cos before you know it, she will be making you out to be a stalker. People like her and my ex are extremely selfish and self centered.

shellyboo

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

I dont get it whys the Op's ex is getting, rummers spread about her what's she done that so wrong,, thats cuased people to dispite her rummer's ?

the fact that you had sex then she went weird sugest's some sort of guilt.

The OP has said that people were spreading rumours about him, and that's what his gf can't deal with. I presume it's to do with him cheating, which he obviously denies, or something to that effect. So there wouldn't be any guilt on her part - except for her feeling guilty about sleeping with someone she's just broken up with.

hurt wrote: »

She told me tonight that she needs space. What does this mean? Should I stop contacting her and meeting up with her until she decides what she wants? It's really fúcked up I think how great we are together but she doesn't know if she wants to be with me...

Yes, you should stop contacting her and definitely stop meeting up with her. She's confusing you, and you meeting up with her is confusing her. Space is what you both need - particularly her so that she can sort out what it is she actually wants. It's really hard to break that instinctive affection you have with someone, even if you've said 'we're broken up'. So don't call her or text her or see her. Reply to her if she contacts you, but be careful - you need to protect yourself from getting even more hurt here.

Das Kitty

OP, your girlfriend needs to grow up and stop listening to rumours. There are a total of 2 people in your relationship, what others think or say should not matter to her. She should come to her own conclusions instead of listening to others (even if it was the case that you were a cheat she needs to find that out for herself).

A good friend of mine was a bit of a wild child in her teenage years and early 20s and had a bit of a rep around her town. When she started going out with her now husband everyone was telling him not to trust her that she's a slut etc. She however was completely mad about him (and he about her) and cheating was the last thing on her mind. They broke up for a few weeks until his brother sorted him out and told him to ignore the bull being spread about her. He then realised that he should be angry that people are saying terrible things about the woman he loves and he quickly shut them up.

When I read your post it reminded me of them.

If you both are mad about one another what the hell business is it of anyone elses?

LegacyUser

Das Kitty wrote: »

OP, your girlfriend needs to grow up and stop listening to rumours. There are a total of 2 people in your relationship, what others think or say should not matter to her. She should come to her own conclusions instead of listening to others (even if it was the case that you were a cheat she needs to find that out for herself).

A good friend of mine was a bit of a wild child in her teenage years and early 20s and had a bit of a rep around her town. When she started going out with her now husband everyone was telling him not to trust her that she's a slut etc. She however was completely mad about him (and he about her) and cheating was the last thing on her mind. They broke up for a few weeks until his brother sorted him out and told him to ignore the bull being spread about her. He then realised that he should be angry that people are saying terrible things about the woman he loves and he quickly shut them up.

When I read your post it reminded me of them.

If you both are mad about one another what the hell business is it of anyone elses?

Das Kitty, what you say about the good friend of yours is kinda the situation I'm in now. I have a bit of a bad reputation from my younger years and sadly this is following me around. I can kind of understand how she doesn't want to look stupid at the same time I wish she'd just ignore the nasty rumours.

Das Kitty

What's in the past should stay in the past. I really feel for you, but I hope the girl sorts herself out sharpish because if your feelings for each other are as strong as you say she'll really regret losing you, which she will, there's only so much on-again-off-again a person can take!

Good luck dude.