Help with marriage issue

LegacyUser

Submitting this post in the hope of getting some help and clarity. I am considering speaking to a professional but thought I would give this a go first.

Some background – I have been married for 3 years, together for 8, no kids. My husband is loving, very good-looking, smart and charming. We have good jobs, lots of friends and to many outside observers, the perfect marriage – but this is not the case.

For the past six months I haven’t felt the same about my husband. Going through the motions, getting irritated by stupid little things etc. I ignored these feelings, just pushed them away and carried on with life.

A recent event has brought this issue to the fore. One a night out, I kissed a work colleague. There were a few drinks taken but I cannot use that as an excuse because at some level I wanted it to happen. I have known him for a while and have always liked him but I never thought anything like this would happen because we are both in relationships.

I am now feel my whole life is up in the air. I feel very guilty, confused and depressed. I am trying to understand why I did this. On other nights out I have flirted with guys but never crossed the line - I guess enjoyed the excitement and fun of it. I know this is not normal behaviour for a married person and I am ashamed of myself. For the first 7.5 years I never behaved like this – had only eyes for my husband.

My husband has sensed I am not myself but I do not want to hurt him by telling him about the above. I do accept that we will have to discuss this but before we do I am trying to understand what my feelings for him are. I keep trying to start loving him again but I can’t – I just have a numb feeling towards him. I really want to do the best thing for both of us. I wish I could snap out of this but I can’t seem to.

MIN2511

Right, you need to sort out your emotions.
It seems to me that you are bored, in need of some excitement. It may be a phase but if it isn't then it's something you need to discuss with your husband. Put yourself in his shoes, how would you feel if he did this to you?
Don't tell your husband about the kiss of flirting but you need to talk about what the future holds.

LegacyUser

ok first of all do not tell your hubby about the kiss this will only make matters worse.

We all go through stages where our partners iritate us so much we want to scream and no one has a perfect relationship. Id say 90% of women have been tempted to cheat even if it was just a kiss. The though of something new and exciting is very easy to get carried away with.

The question you need to close your eyes and ask yourself is can you live without him?

If you woke up tomorrow and he wasnt there would you miss him?
And if he said he has kissed someone else would you be sad???

LegacyUser

Thanks for the help.
When I asked myself if I could live without him, worringly, the answer was yes. Yes I would be sad if he wasn't around;a break-up like this will be brutal and painful but I feel I would get over it.
When I thought of him telling me he kissed someone else, my main feeling was relief. Relief that perhaps he could be feeling like I am.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the help.

When I asked myself if I could live without him, worringly, the answer was yes. Yes I would be sad if he wasn't around;a break-up like this will be brutal and painful but I feel I would get over it.

When I thought of him telling me he kissed someone else, my main feeling was relief. Relief that perhaps he could be feeling like I am.
any advice?