Black Eye

Gallant_JJ

Lads, woke up after the new years festivities with a thumping head and th makin's of a black eye. Got a crack right on the cheek bone thanks be to God.
I think I was rescuing two old ladies from a handbag snatcher at the time!!!! The bruising hasn't spread to around the eye yet, but the cheek is fairly swolen under it and its only a matter of time. I'm sitting here with a bag of peas on my face. Any one any advise or reccomendations as to stopping the brusing spreading to my eye or if/when/hopefully not it does spread how to get rid of a black eye in a jiffy? Anything worth a sh1te in the chemist to be got?

Thanks Lads

trout

You need two steaks. Large steaks. One frozen, and one fresh.

Strap the frozen steak to the afflicted parts (in this case, yore eye).
Cook the fresh steak, serve with chips, onions, garlic, onions, chips, onions and garlic. Season to taste.

Eat the steak.

At this stage, you should start to notice the frozen steak thawing out ... reducing the swelling and generally improving yore demeanour.

Once fully thawed, you may now cook the second steak.

Repeat as required.

Mr. CooL ICE

Make sure you have some cold beers at hand to put on your eye should the steak thaw out too soon. Also, ignore the pain and start enjoying drinking some of said beers - it will make you more of a man

siochain

get a tube of arnica it will speed up the healing.

Gaspode

siochain wrote: »

get a tube of arnica it will speed up the healing.

Post reported for giving a serious answer!

Arnica + Steak + Beer = Cure