Head Wrecked with girlfriends reaction

LegacyUser

So. Been with my girl friend for just over 2 years now. I had been a bit come and go about where the relationship was going. She absolutely loves me and would move in with me tomorrow if she could! I on the other hand couldn't. We are both still living at home and I have never lived out of the family home, 25 now she is too. Its getting to the stage now where I will be moving out, but I don't want to move in with her, and I know she would be majorly annoyed by this. Anyway, I just feel that we are spending so much time together that I never have any time to do my own thing and im freaking out a bit. I have always been a very independent person and love doing my own thing, what I want to do when I want to do it. I know this makes me sound very selfish but I have always devouted time to her. To cut to the chase, I approached her about it the other day, saying that I need time to do my own thing and that we cant be doing everything together. She totally freaked out and said that she gives me loads of space, started crying and stormed off. People have said to just say it to her and talk about it, but with reactions like that how am i meant to talk to her? Really driving me crazy!

MagicMarker

How long do you usually see her? Does she give you space?

TBH, if you've never lived out of the family home before then I would say it's a bad bad move to move straight in with a girlfriend. You're entitled to move in with whoever you want, if your girlfriend has a problem with that then that's her problem.

However, if she does actually give you loads of space then it's not really on for you to be telling her to give you even more space!

How do you feel about her? After 2 years you should know more than ''a bit come and go'' about where the relationship is heading. It comes across that you don't feel for her what she feels for you?

I may be totally incorrect in saying this and apologise if it's the case, but it sounds like you don't love her very much, there are lots of reasons for me saying this but that's my general overview. If this is the case, you need to break up with her.

JohnGalt

Hi OP! Thats a tough situation you are in. It seems to me that the best way about this is to break up with her. It looks like she is more into it than you are anyway, which isn't good for either of you, so I think you would be better off just ending it. Good luck for the break up mate.

LegacyUser

Well its just things like this.

She says i can go out with my friends when ever I want but she rings me everyday asking what are we doing tonight. You know lads being lads dont make plans til about 5 minutes before they go out. Over the christmas she had to do everything with me. I was out with all my friends as i do every year and she was the only grilfriend there. Had to stick with her for the whole night not getting to talk to anyone. I had to go away over the summer for 3 weeks and she still holds it against me. I rang her every day, if i didnt she freaked out. Then she would be annoyed with me when i did ring her. Its not like it was my fault, I had to do it as part of my course. She keeps saying that when she is out she just wants me to be there and not her friends. I know thats not a bad thing but makes me feel very trapped. When im out, im out with my mates and would rather not have her there. She is going away for 3 weeks in January and I cant go. She keeps saying she doesn't want to go because I cant go with her and she wont enjoy it without me. My friends are going travelling around America for two weeks and she wants to go with me. She would be mighty pissed off if I did go without her................ this is just what comes to mind at the moment. It just makes me feel trapped and that I dont have my own life.

cantdecide

She sounds like an accessory to your life. It's something that can only get worse as time goes on.

Firetrap

She sounds like a nightmare to be honest. She's clingy and sounds very immature for a 25 year old.

I think if you have any doubts at all about the relationship, it's probably better if you break it off with her. Can you imagine what life will be like if you ever do move in together? It could be worse than what's going on now.

XJR

Everyone in a relationship needs time apart from the other half if she cant accept that then it spells trouble for you both.

pfishfood

Sounds like someone needs a sitting down and talking to. Also sounds like shes very insecure its an issue that needs to be addressed before it gets worse and it can get much, much worse.

sounds disastrous, I maintain my earlier point, you don't love her. You need to get out of there, she'll only ever get worse.

LegacyUser

If her response is to start crying and storm off when you calmly suggest that you need your own space and enjoy a little bit of independence then I would venture to say that she is not EVEN ready for a grown up relationship let alone a a serious commitment like moving in together. OP you are right in thinking the way you do. I wish I had of held back when I was 25 instead of jumping into things that ultimately ended in many wasted years with the wrong person.

BraziliaNZ

Deleted User wrote: »

sounds disastrous, I maintain my earlier point, you don't love her. You need to get out of there, she'll only ever get worse.

he doesn't love her - how do you know this? Because he doesn't want to spend every waking moment with her? He's still a young man, hasn't lived out of home, they need to come to some kind of compromise so he has his own time and can do his own thing now and again. Jesus just because it's not perfect doesn't mean he doesn't love her.

BraziliaNZ

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

he doesn't love her - how do you know this? Because he doesn't want to spend every waking moment with her? He's still a young man, hasn't lived out of home, they need to come to some kind of compromise so he has his own time and can do his own thing now and again. Jesus just because it's not perfect doesn't mean he doesn't love her.

if you look back at my previous post you'll see that I apologised if it was not the case. However, can you see any sign of love in the OP's posts? no, infact he says, she loves him but he's a bit "come and go" about the relationship. He hasn't yet corrected me!!!

OP, at the end of the day, if you can't go on holidays at 25 years of age, you will end up resenting this girl, no doubt about it. You can't continue with relationship like this.

maria22

Your 25,say goodbye and move on.Why are you staying in this relationship anyways?Your not married to her,your not engaged,so whats keeping you there if she does not make you happy?Its you who is being unfair to her by giving her hope that theres a future in this relationship.Live your life to the full,enjoy your freedom and independance and when you meet the right person you will know it,it won`t seem like a chore.

Peewee_lane

Oh my god, OP, grow a set.

You sound so immature.

Why do you want the space?

Is it so you can bring random girls home and get whatvers out of your system out?

Do this poor swete girl a favour and let her go for the best.

Hope she meets a man one day.

LegacyUser

Hi you sound like a pretty normal 25year old. It would be really bad for you as a person to have never lived out of the family home. I lived out at that age and I look back at that time as some of the best years of my life. As for the GF only you know if you love her, you don't have to live with someone to love them. Perhaps you can sit down as an adult with her and tell her you're not ready to move in with her just yet.
If she does not give you much space then don't be ashamed to say you need it. Obviously if you want weeks and weeks of space then she may decide to find someone else, but she does not need to see you every single day...a lot of married couples don't see each other every single day!!
If she is very, very needy now that won't improve with time, and in fact will only show that SHE is the one who's not ready to live together.

neuro-praxis

Peewee_lane wrote: »

Oh my god, OP, grow a set.

You sound so immature.

Why do you want the space?

Is it so you can bring random girls home and get whatvers out of your system out?

Do this poor swete girl a favour and let her go for the best.

Hope she meets a man one day.

Lol! I guess your idea of sweet is at polar odds with mine!

LegacyUser

That girl sounds exactly like my ex-girlfriend , and i did actually move in with her which was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I dont know all the details about your girl but it sounds to me like she is very possesive of you and probably very manipulative. Does she use the old emotional blackmail trick on you a lot?

LegacyUser

I had a similar relationship where I was like your girlfriend.

It had never happened to me before, and I still don't fully understand why it happened, Counselling has been of some help. I also moved in with my ex which was in hindsight the worst mistake of MY life (like previous poster). I knew the first night we spent in our place that he was not they type of person I wanted to spend my life with, but having made some significant sacrifices and upheavels to live together I toughed it out for nearly 2 years. Mostly things were ok, I was able to shake the clinginess once we moved in together, but he was never demonstrative or loving on anything more than a superficial level and eventually things were poisoned beyond repair. In short I suppose he wasn't a very nice person. I wasted good years with him.

If you are not fully invested in the relationship then she senses this, despite the time you spend together, and this will cause her to be more clingy and needy than usual if she does love you.

You are very young - at 25 you should be spending more time with friends, at least one or two nights a week and so should she. If you were a little older, or in different circumstances, eg children involved, that might be different. Maybe encourage her to take up a hobby or class so that she has her own interests too?

How is your sex life? My ex was very uptight about sex, and made me feel like a deviant for wanting it more, or at 'different' times, e.g. while attending a wedding I thought it would be fun to have a quicky when checked into our room - he acted like I was a freak for that! Again, made me feel rejected, and more clingy.

I don't see an issue with her asking what you're going to do in the evenings - you're both young and free, and have that freedom to make plans each evening, with or without each other. However, if you are feeling trapped then it's obviously not working for you.

DeCoR18

Peewee_lane wrote: »

Oh my god, OP, grow a set.

You sound so immature.

Why do you want the space?

Is it so you can bring random girls home and get whatvers out of your system out?

Do this poor swete girl a favour and let her go for the best.

Hope she meets a man one day.

Agree with this.

OP you have it good.

AnonoBoy

Even when people are married they need space.

A mature person would realise that spending every waking moment together is a recipe for disaster. How much you love someone doesn't correlate with how much time you spend with them neccessarily. Your girlfriend sounds a bit clingy and immature.

I would advise against moving in with her. You have yet to experience living away from home, jumping straight into a co-habiting arrangement sounds like a bad ida.

[edit]Also even when out with friends and your girl you shouldn't have to attend to her all the time. If she's the sort that demands constant attention from you and can't mingle and interact with your friends by herself then that's a very bad sign[/edit]

jim o doom

Peewee_lane wrote: »

Oh my god, OP, grow a set.

You sound so immature.

Why do you want the space?

Is it so you can bring random girls home and get whatvers out of your system out?

Do this poor swete girl a favour and let her go for the best.

Hope she meets a man one day.

Yeah because it's immature to want to spend time with you friends, minus girlfriend so you can just relax and not have to attend to her every need constantly. Everyone needs alone time, REGARDLESS of age or whatever you seem to think of as "maturity". A person who gets annoyed at their other half for going to a foreign country as part of a college course sounds to me to be childish, not the OP.


And when you say "grow a pair", do you mean, "grow a pair, get out of yer auld pairs & move in with the woman?" - if you do, I agree with the moving out part - 25 is WAY TOO old to be living with them, but if you anyone has doubts about their relationship or other half, moving in with them would be utterly retarded and only cause more problems. Also how do you know this girl is "sweet"? Admittedly we only have the OP's description of events, but a sweet picture they certainly do not paint - more a clingy insecure demanding pictograph :P

Reflector

hi OP,
I'm in a simlar relationship but have to say that the other person is very understanding. I just like doing my own thing and it doesn't mean I don't love them any less. I think you absolutely need to move out and on your own. It'll be a freedom that you need to experience. Somewhere near the cc and you'll have a great time. Your girlfriend can stay over too so it'll be great for her as well. I would say just do it and let her follow suite and if she doesnt like it then you may need to cut chord.

Beta Ray Bill

Hi OP

I was in theis exact situation about 4 months Ago

She kept tabs on me the whole time and we HAD to do everything together and when we didnt I was the Bad Guy

My advice is to finish it with her.
No point in you being unhappy.

I did with mine and it was one of the best decisions I have made in a along time.
Obviously you dont want to hurt her, so breaking up with her is whats best for the both of you.

Hope this helps
G.

John_Mc

You keep saying "she'll go mad" or something to that effect, and the title suggests that you're scared of her reaction.

How about you tell her you need space, regardless of her reaction - STICK TO YOUR GUNS. If she can't deal with it, set her loose and start enjoying the single life!

Pub07

I went out with a girl that was almost exactly like, wanted to talk on the phone everyday if we weren't together, which basically consisted of her moaning about work crap. Also got pissed off if I went out without her and when I told her living together mightn't work out she started crying. I also missed out on alot of nights out with friends over her.

Well i'll never put myself through that bullsh|t again. I did move in with her and it was crap. There's nothing worse than a clingy woman, Id advise you to get rid of your gf op, she's not gonna change at 25, if anything she'll only get worse, whatever you do don't move in with her or you will have your head seriously wrecked beyond what you even thought possible. Life is stressful enough without a clingly needy woman moaning and throwing guilt trips on you. If you do dump her, I guarantee you'll look back in a few months and wonder why you put up with so much crap for so long.

partyguinness

She needs to grow up and get some prespective...I think she needs to chill out and go abroad for awhile..

Problem here now is the OP has become the centre of her life...not good...the OP wants a balanced life and she is stiffling him...I have met plenty of women like this...its all about attention..me me me

You must stand your ground and if she keeps reacting like this you will have no problem dumping her..she will make it easy for you in the end..
Has she any life of her own?

partyguinness

Peewee_lane wrote: »

Oh my god, OP, grow a set.

You sound so immature.

Why do you want the space?

Is it so you can bring random girls home and get whatvers out of your system out?

Do this poor swete girl a favour and let her go for the best.

Hope she meets a man one day.

I think we have our token bitter little femdom here...

OP do not listen to this cheap shot..thats what it is.

fmhickey

i suggest you take a break from each other for a month or two. she will hate you at first but thank you in the end. who knows while your apart you might realise that you do love her and want to stay in the relationship.
i was in a similar situation a few months ago, we took a break and now its better then ever before. we see each other when we want and go out with our mates when we want.
at least this way you find out, if your better together or apart.
i would also sit down with her and explain, even if she cries, what you want.