St. Stephen's night disaster

LegacyUser

Hi - another thread on a personal problem that has developed more serious over Christmas.
Was out Stephen's night (which by the way was ridiculous as everyone was so drunk and acting stupid) and boyfriend got thrown out of a club (he was fairly drunk - just thrown out for being too drunk). I was in the loo at the time. I came back and he was gone and I asked the group we were with (his friends) where he was. Everyone was so pissed noone knew what had happened. So I walked around the club thinking he was still in there. Eventually he texts that he has been thrown out. I go outside. An argument, if you can call it that ensued. It was basically him being verbally abusive to me. He stormed off. I was fairly cut up so I didnt follow him. I thought he would calm down and come back/ring.

He didnt. So I was outside the club (at 1.30) everyone was still inside.I couldnt get back in. People were fighting. One guy throne a glass. It took me 2 hours to get a taxi. I live about 20KMs from city). I couldnt contact anyone I knew in the club and was too embarassed to call/tell my family/friends what happened. Eventually I spotted someone I knew and literally jumped in the taxi he was in - I was so desperate.

So I get home and he is not there. No word from him. I was exhausted and so cold so I went to bed. Got up - hes still not there. At midday I decide to ring him and he says he is on his way home. 3 hours later I discover that he is in the pub. I meet him and tell him am moving out and that we needed a break. I met him this morning and he is all sad and upset. Asked me to come home - I went to my parents. I said no I need more time - that what he did was disgraceful.

He has had something to deal with the last few months and has become very grumpy - even more so when he is drinking. I told him under no uncertain circumstance was I going to put up with him taking things out on me. I know he has alot to deal with but its not fair. I still love him to pieces - I would like to try work things out. My sister thinks I am mad and wont talk to me. We are together 3 years and living together for 2. I feel so hurt - like I didnt/dont mean anything to him. I guess I am just trying to vent my feelings....

Tim06

i dont rally know what your looking for here. You say that you love him to pieces and that you want to work things out but after he gets kicked out of a club for being too drunk and goes drinking you leave the house?? was there more reasons than this, where did he stay on stephens night? i think that everyone has drunken arguements at one time or another, your together 3 years, surely you didnt have to move out after this incident?

evercloserunion

A guy gets drunk and says some stupid things, and regrets it later. It's not exactly a completely unprecedented occurrance, and it's not te end of the world either. He shouldn't have done it but if you're going to use that as an excuse to leave him after 3 years it's obvious that this has been on your mind before.

Matt3

evercloserunion wrote: »

A guy gets drunk and says some stupid things, and regrets it later. It's not exactly a completely unprecedented occurrance, and it's not te end of the world either. He shouldn't have done it but if you're going to use that as an excuse to leave him after 3 years it's obvious that this has been on your mind before.

I'd agree with that.

People do downright stupid things and things we've regreted while pissed, most of us have been there...but you can hardly be contemplating leaving him just because he was an idiot after a night on the tear?

....you must have high standards?

Karen_*

He's had alot to deal with and is behaving badly and especially when drunk. Can you not deal with the fact that you take the good with the bad? If not then find someone who is always in a good mood and lavishing attention on you and preferably someone with no family or friends who might have a fall out or tragedy.

Kirnsy

Katie186 wrote: »

No offense lads... but all guys are assholes when they are drunk! Maybe thats a broad generalization but hey!

bit harsh?

OP i think you over reacted by moving out, in my opinion you would have done better to stay put and give him a piece of your mind when he returned.

by moving out youve shaken the core of the relationship and i guess things have become more serious than they had to.

my advice would be to talk things over with him asap.

Nevyn

Nothing wrong with having standards one of the reasons I have broken up with people was thier inability to behave on a night out like a grown up. After 3 years together he should know that such behaviour is not acceptable and you have to consider do you risk him ever behaving like that again and if he does can you bear it.

Such things tend to be the straw that breaks the camels back.

Katie186

Kirnsy wrote: »

bit harsh?

OP i think you over reacted by moving out, in my opinion you would have done better to stay put and give him a piece of your mind when he returned.

by moving out youve shaken the core of the relationship and i guess things have become more serious than they had to.

my advice would be to talk things over with him asap.

Some lads are assholes when they are drunk

SoupyNorman

Its unfortunate because not withstanding his behavior the night before he had the chance to make good the next morning, or even attempt to. The fact he did not check to make sure you were ok or got home ok is pretty lousy but a bigger issue is that you had to go chasing him the next day, you left it until lunchtime to ring but it begs the question, when would have he contacted you?

I'll happily admit that I've been an idiot to my Girl before, both drunk and sober...It happens from time to time when you live together but when I am a little bold I make sure my apologies surpass the deed that was done (now I'm talking about petty rows and drunken revelry and the like!!!).

IMO it's how you react after that tells the bigger story. The story I see in the aftermath...

Boyfriend knows he's in the pooper, avoids you like the plague, goes to the pub to use booze to surpress his fear. You offer up a serious ultimatum, he turns on the waterworks to make you feel guilty, you say dont ever do it again, he says he wont..You're inclined to give him the benefit of the dont as you live together and it'll be a messy affair breaking up.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

The things is that it happened about 3 days before that too. He asked me to collect him from a Christmas work do (he collected me the night before from mine) so I said no problem. I arranged to collect him at 2.30. So he rang at 2.30 and said "Will you give X a lift home?" I said no, that it was too out of the way at 2.30 in the morning and that I was tired (I had a 30-40 minute drive in front of me). So again he went ballistic. Called me every name under the sun.

Honest it shook me. So he apologised the next day - and bongo 3 days later it happens again....so Im sorry if it seemed harsh to leave him, but even he agreed that it was for the best-that he needs time to sort himself out. He is going through somethings at the moment-I cant help him, I can support him, but I wont be subjected to his verbal abuse, drunk or not.

I would love for everything to be ok and go back to normal but it is going to be hard. I am sick of always feeling like a victim. I stood up and said "no more".

pfishfood

It seems all you can do is give him time and space to sort himself out. If hes going through a tough time and taking it out on you drunk or not is totally unacceptable. Question can you imagine this happening again if things get tough or is this the life you want to lead?

zuroph

refusing to give the mate home was a bit mean. if you asked him to drop one of ur mates home wouldnt u be a bit embarrased if he turned around and refused? especially if ud (probably) mentioned it to the mate already.

Setun

I'd be quicker to talk to him about giving up the drink than anything else. His behavious is out of order in my opinion. If he's had a tough year, fair enough, but the drink clearly isn't helping him.

cantdecide

zuroph wrote: »

refusing to give the mate home was a bit mean. if you asked him to drop one of ur mates home wouldnt u be a bit embarrased if he turned around and refused? especially if ud (probably) mentioned it to the mate already.

+1

I suspect you aren't being as supportive as you could be. Wouldn't that explain how he has turned against you all of a sudden? That's the name of the game. If you are seeing hm for 3 years and btw, he has issues to deal with, I think that's very telling.