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Slighty confused?

  • 26-12-2008 4:39pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Iam a bit confused over this situation I've landed myself in.
    Met a really cool guy about a month ago, we clicked from the start. As we were chatting he tells me that he was a few months out of a long term relationship. However we ended up kissing each other at the end of the night.
    So we arrange to meet up again, during this meetup he explains that he isnt looking for a relationship at the moment due to his recent break up. But would like to continue to be friends. At this stage I thought the night would end, but we ended up hanging out for the rest of the night until closing time. We have kept regular contact ever since and have met again since the last meeting.
    Here is were iam a little confused! To be honest I thought he was just trying to B.S me and that would have been the last I would have seen of him. But Iam surprised that he has continued to keep in contact and want to still meet up with me. The other factor is, I find myself attracted to him.
    I dont know were to stand now. He is a really cool guy, who I appreciate his friendship. But I dont want these feelings of attraction to get in the way as, I dont know how he feels.
    thanks


Comments

  • #2
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    Unregistered wrote: »
    Iam a bit confused over this situation I've landed myself in.
    Met a really cool guy about a month ago, we clicked from the start. As we were chatting he tells me that he was a few months out of a long term relationship. However we ended up kissing each other at the end of the night.
    So we arrange to meet up again, during this meetup he explains that he isnt looking for a relationship at the moment due to his recent break up. But would like to continue to be friends. At this stage I thought the night would end, but we ended up hanging out for the rest of the night until closing time. We have kept regular contact ever since and have met again since the last meeting.
    Here is were iam a little confused! To be honest I thought he was just trying to B.S me and that would have been the last I would have seen of him. But Iam surprised that he has continued to keep in contact and want to still meet up with me. The other factor is, I find myself attracted to him.
    I dont know were to stand now. He is a really cool guy, who I appreciate his friendship. But I dont want these feelings of attraction to get in the way as, I dont know how he feels.
    thanks

    There's your answer. Believe it or not it's not unheard of for a guy to have a plutonic relationship with a girl.

    He doesn't want a relationship with you, that's that.


  • #3
    Bottle_of_Smoke
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    Do you ever kiss or anything? If not he prob just wants to be your friend


  • #4
    Firetrap
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,442 ✭✭✭Firetrap


    Well, he's told you that he doesn't want a relationship. Methinks you're getting ahead of yourself a bit here and figuring that in time, he might change his mind. I take it that since that first night, he hasn't come on to you. That sounds a lot like he just wants you as a friend, not a girlfriend. Unfortunately, you can't make someone fancy you (the PI board here would be half the size it is..) so methinks you'll either have to stay just friends with him or cut contact.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    thanks to those who have replied. I suppose the answer was in my post. I just feel kinda stupid now, for getting a little ahead of myself for thinking that things were a little more than what I hoped for.


  • #6
    UrbanSea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,335 ✭✭✭✭UrbanSea


    Unregistered wrote: »
    thanks to those who have replied. I suppose the answer was in my post. I just feel kinda stupid now, for getting a little ahead of myself for thinking that things were a little more than what I hoped for.
    Don't be,you never know it could happen. Continue to hang out with him and see over time how he feels. Dont push the idea of a relationship but once you guys get closer it may well happen:)

    Good luck with it anyway:P


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  • #7
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    greetings wrote: »
    Don't be,you never know it could happen. Continue to hang out with him and see over time how he feels. Dont push the idea of a relationship but once you guys get closer it may well happen:)

    Good luck with it anyway:P
    I completely disagree.

    He either wants to be with her or he doesn't. The OP should not just wait and hope, that's nothing to base a friendship on.

    If she really does want to be with him then she should just tell him. If she's happy with friendship and only friendship, then that's all she should expect by hanging out with him.


  • #8
    John Mason
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    greetings wrote: »
    Don't be,you never know it could happen. Continue to hang out with him and see over time how he feels. Dont push the idea of a relationship but once you guys get closer it may well happen:)

    Good luck with it anyway:P

    rubbish - he has made it perfectly clear he doesnt want a relationship. stop trying to see things between the lines that are not there :rolleyes:


  • #9
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Basically you've been friendzoned. Now his reasons could be true as he may still be attached in his head to the ex, but even so they're usually they're excuses and platitudes to take the sting out of it. He liked you enough to hang around. One night doubtless after a few ales, his blood flowed in a southerly pants direction and snoggage happened. The next day, while he still liked you as a person, he wasn't up for the romance. It happens.

    The thing is 9 times outa 10 if he was feeling the mad headrush of lust/attraction for you, his previous relationship wouldn't come into it, or at least he wouldn't be so vague in his actions.

    OK so where does that leave you? Well you could keep hanging around and he may even try to get the leg over some night(do NOT go for that), but it's not a good place to be for you. Nip it in the bud now, while it's still relatively easy to do so.

    Reduce contact with him and go out and flirt/kiss/have fun with others.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #10
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks to all for taking the time out to reply,
    I suppose the thing that bothers me the most, is i've had a pretty rough year. With a unexpected breakup of a long term partner, trying to get over a long spell of depression, battling with loneliness due lack of a social circle/friends and failed attempts to get back on the dating scene . So you can imagine when a cute guy comes along and you (think) both click, that it gave me some hope that things could be finally going my way.
    He did state to me that as it was so soon out of his previous relationship that he did want some time to himself and not to be getting involved with another person just yet.
    I suppose the point of the whole thing is Iam more frustrated at myself, rather than him. due to my current personal situation and this feels like another hurdle that I have to try to get over.


  • #11
    Trinity
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,662 ✭✭✭Trinity


    Unregistered wrote: »
    Thanks to all for taking the time out to reply,
    I suppose the thing that bothers me the most, is i've had a pretty rough year. With a unexpected breakup of a long term partner, trying to get over a long spell of depression, battling with loneliness due lack of a social circle/friends and failed attempts to get back on the dating scene . So you can imagine when a cute guy comes along and you (think) both click, that it gave me some hope that things could be finally going my way.
    He did state to me that as it was so soon out of his previous relationship that he did want some time to himself and not to be getting involved with another person just yet.
    I suppose the point of the whole thing is Iam more frustrated at myself, rather than him. due to my current personal situation and this feels like another hurdle that I have to try to get over.


    I think the key is not to take it so personally and try to see the positives. You may not have found a partner but you have found a friend, and widened your social circle. It may seem like a knock but he didnt say he didnt want a relationship with YOU, he just doesnt want a relationship.

    I also think it would be a lot harder on you in the long run if he had strung you along, shagged you whenever he felt like it and built up your hopes, its a really good thing that he was honest.

    If you are remaining friends in the hope something will develop, then i wouldnt do it. Its not impossible, but its not a given either and again you are setting yourself up for a fall if you do not get the desired result. My OH and i Started out as friends and he said he wasnt ready for a commitment, but I accepted that despite the fact i felt rejected and ended up having great fun and having a good friendship with someone that liked me for me. He never took advantage, no kissing, nothing other than a platonic friendship and it was refreshing for me.

    If you can be just friends then do it but he has made his feelings clear its up to you if you can handle it.


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