Am I selfish?

LegacyUser

Hey guys,
I am in a long distance relationship for 1 1/2 years now. We lived in diffrent countrys so we couldnt see each other as much as we wanted to and phone calls are very expensive so we just had the internet to stay in touch with, which was grand. But 4 months ago i decided to move to the same country he lives, so we could spend more time toghter. I hoped that we would spend christmas or new years eve toghter but thats not what he has on his mind now. I am kinda upset about that cause he said before i moved that he would want to spend as much time as possible with me. And would call me everyday since the calls are for free. But now if i wouldnt text or call him i wouldnt hear from him for ages. Am I right to be sad and upset about this? Or am i just selfish? And the thing is that i will have to move back to my country in the summer because of work. I just thought we would use those few month which I am here to spend time toghter. So far we have seen each other just 2 since I am here. I really dont know if i expected too much. Would be nice to hear some of your oppinions.
Sorry in advance if i wrote it too confusing for you.

metrovelvet

You've seen him twice in two months?

"I am kinda upset about that cause he said before i moved that he would want to spend as much time as possible with me."

Promises promises. People say a lot of things. This here should tell you that there is not much follow through going on.

Have you told him how you feel?

Firetrap

I think it's fair to say you should feel hard done by. You moved to his country in good faith, believing that you would have a normal relationship at last. He would ring, he'd call over etc.

It's clear that he's not as enthusiastic about the relationship as he once was. If he was mad about you, he'd be calling over to see you all the time and you'd run up enormous phone bills from texting. I can understand why you feel aggrieved.

Monkey61

Twice in four months and you live in the same country?

Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh...but on what level at all do you think you're in a relationship with this guy? I've got a closer relationship with my dry cleaner then you have with this guy.

How far apart do you live? You aren't being selfish, you just seem to be unwilling to admit to yourself that your (seemingly nonexistent) relationship is over.

LegacyUser

oh right, i havent been clear about the moving part. Sorry. I decided 4 months ago to move but then i had to found work here firth and a place to stay and so on so that took a little while. I moved 6 weeks ago and i have to say that he was busy latly with college stuff. So we have seen each other twice (for a weekend). I do think he loves me cause when we actually are toghter he would do everything for me, just that if we dont see each other that i have the feeling he doesnt even miss me or think about me or whatever. he usually contacted me daily (most of the time), so i dont know why that has changed now. and we are living 1 1/2 hours away right now, which is still far i get that but since he is off now for i think 6 weeks it wouldnt be a problem to come over for a day or a weekend, right? i would visit him every weekend if that would be ok with him, but it just worked out twice so far.

Firetrap

Was he enthusiastic at all about you moving? Because I get the impression from reading your posts that you're the one doing all the chasing.

Being blunt, I don't think that he's that keen on you. I know from personal experience that if a guy is interested in you, he will make it his business to stay in touch. Lads who aren't that pushed about you one way or the other won't be too fussed about whether they text you back or when they'll meet up.

It's the way he behaves when he's not with you that's the key. He's not bothering to come see you or to invite you to stay. The clincher for me is that he's off for six weeks yet you're not seeing a lot of each other.

Don't bother with the time that you stayed in touch over the internet. I don't care what anybody says, that is not a personal relationship. You are now practically on his doorstep but you're not seeing or hearing much of him. Be honest with yourself. Do you want to waste your time running after someone who's tolerating you? Be glad that you'll be moving again in the summer.

eth0_

OP - No on is THAT busy, even if they are in college.

Honestly? He's not interested in you. Dump him before you are hurt any more.

funloving

Don't waste other time ...
DUMP HIM...
He's not that interested in you so walk away before you get too much hurt and make the most of your time in Ireland till next summer...
Good luck

LegacyUser

thanks, i guess i hoped that i am too selfish. it hurts to read what i was afraid of, but yea thanks again. i guess i am all allone now in a country which i dont really know, that sucks. but i guess your right.

Me to you

No you are not being selfish, dont start self hating thinking ..."oh what did i do wrong, was it something i said?"

Clear and simple he sounds like a plonker, get rid of em, have more respect for yourself, you sound like a very giving person, moving for him, you'll meet somebody who will appreciate that.

Good luck and happy mending on your heart.

Firetrap

OP, no you are not selfish at all. If anything, it's your boyfriend who's selfish and not fit to lace your boots. You're the one who upped sticks and moved, the one who tried to give the relationship a go. It's a shame that it's not working out but I know you'll get through this.

eth0_

We all make dumb mistakes in life OP.
Join some clubs and try to make some friends there. You might really enjoy Ireland :-)