So I told her

LegacyUser

so long story short, i being madly in love with this girl for nearly a year. i met her travelling..we spent alot of time travling together. she is the closest person i made traveling and i would be one or hers. anyway im back a couple of months she back one...I have missed her soooo much...I think bout her everyday!!!all day!! she really is the most amazing person in thw worls (sounds mushy but she is)

we have met up just once she's back..we talk,txt facebook all the time.she being busy with other people..anyaway I finaly came out a told out straight 3 days ago(in a txt while i was pissed i didnt have the balls) i got told she loves me but we just "pals" its being a few days...i cant bear to talk to her..but yet i just wanna be with her, hold her..and stuff.

got a txt today just as if nothing happened....she being off have fun the last few days while i have being in bits...

anyway the next day i have booked flights away again, in 2 weeks...another year maybe..if i cant be with all the time I cant handle just once or twice a week as friends..I need to just get over with it.thinking being 1000's of miles away will help.

emmm dont know what i want people to say but as alot of us on this page just want to tell someone......................happy xmas

Kirnsy

Unregistered wrote: »

so long story short, i being madly in love with this girl for nearly a year. i met her travelling..we spent alot of time travling together. she is the closest person i made traveling and i would be one or hers. anyway im back a couple of months she back one...I have missed her soooo much...I think bout her everyday!!!all day!! she really is the most amazing person in thw worls (sounds mushy but she is)

we have met up just once she's back..we talk,txt facebook all the time.she being busy with other people..anyaway I finaly came outa told out straight 3 days ago(in a txt while i was pissed i didnt have the balls) i got told she loves me but we just "pals" its being a few days...i cant bear to talk to her..but yet i just wanna be with her, hold her..and stuff.

got a txt today just as if nothing happened....she being off have fun the last few days while i have being in bits...

anyway the next day i have booked flights away again, in 2 weeks...another year maybe..if i cant be with all the time I cant handle just once or twice a week as friends..I need to just get over with it.thinking being 1000's of miles away will help.

emmm dont know what i want people to say but as alot of us on this page just want to tell someone......................happy xmas

you probably should have gone for a slightly more romantic way...maybe she thought you just said it cos your drunk.

moving thousends of miles away doesnt necessarily mean youl forget bout her but cutting contact will defo help.ie no facebook/text/calls etc whether its here or in another country.

merry xmas to you too

LegacyUser

"....she being off have fun the last few days while i have being in bits..."

Girls feel "love" in a different way mate.

They "love" social status, wealth, the envy of other women.

You'll get over her, merry christmas !

fits

^ what a pile of crap

Sorry to hear it OP. Unrequited sucks. No doubt about it. I think everyone experiences it at some stage. Whatever you do you need to cut contact with her for a while, and actually 'check' yourself and tell yourself off when you catch yourself daydreaming about her, cos thats all it is. Dreaming. The reality would be something very different.

You can be friends with her in future, and this passion of yours will probably die, but you do need a break from her now to get your head straight. That doesnt necessarily mean going abroad either.

MIN2511

Are you running away because she 'rejected' you?

You can't keep running away, travel if you must but not because you got rejected!

mp3guy

Girls don't like their male friends in a relationship forming or sexual way, and find it weird that their male friends find them attractive. Simple as.

madmik

mp3guy wrote: »

Girls don't like their male friends in a relationship forming or sexual way, and find it weird that their male friends find them attractive. Simple as.

damn!

mp3guy

mp3guy wrote: »

Girls don't like their male friends in a relationship forming or sexual way, and find it weird that their male friends find them attractive. Simple as.

I know lots of friends who've ended up getting together.

She just doesn't like you, but in a little while you'll meet someone new and wonder what all the fuss was about this girl. Trust me on that one.

Wibbs

mp3guy wrote: »

Girls don't like their male friends in a relationship forming or sexual way, and find it weird that their male friends find them attractive. Simple as.

I would say they don't like it if it's done in a dishonest way. IE you're just hanging around and "being there for her" hoping to get more. Essentially the more is getting the leg over.

IMHO in most cases the woman knows the friend is into her. She may not admit it to herself or others but she knows somethings afoot. I've seen this up close many many times. I can only think of once in my life where a woman I knew genuinely seemed not to know that a bloke we knew was into her. My take on this is that women are used to being hit on. From a pretty early age. They are approached all the time. Mosty by guys they wouldn't be pushed on, but approached nonetheless. They know the subconscious clues. Far more than men do. How many women out there get frustrated with guys they're into that don't pick up on their signals? Their signals are often very subtle because that's how they operate and they assume men operate the same and will see this. Men aren't nearly as subtle. A guy can stand there oblivious while a woman gives him the come on and every woman in the room will spot this. Few enough men will.

I would say if you find yourself in this situation state your case. She may say yes, she may say no, but she will value your honesty and confidence over some guy who mopes around after her. Moping like that is a major turnoff to women. They may like you, but they know something is missing. That spark she needs. That spark is usually based on confidence, being clear about what you want and the emotional excitement of her not quite knowing what's next. Of course she may simply not like the look of you, but IMHO that comes further down the list. Certainly when compared to men.

OP you fell for her, but didn't make that clear to her face early enough. You got well stuck in friendzone, then compounded it by the txting. This statement that she's the best in the world would have come out in your mannerisms and general dealings with her. As I said I reckon she knew this for a while. She liked you, but she was also getting an ego boost too. Fair enough we all like an oul ego boost. No good for you though. What you basically told her was that you were less than she is. You put her on a pedestal. Again another major turnoff for women. Respecting and admiring a woman is good, but not at the exclusion of your own self respect.

OP remember this, she may have been very nice, she may have been what you thought was the right woman for you, but trust me the world is full of women and full of women who would be better for you than her. In any case, she was the wrong woman for you for one simple reason; she's not with you and doesn't want to be.

Move on and learn from this. On your travels if you meet someone or several someones, make your intentions clear early on. Certainly be her friend. That's a good thing, but go down that road after you engage her romantically/sexually.

LegacyUser

thanks for ur comments.some good ones...

I know it was a crapy way of doing it..not romantic at all,

im not running away cuase she rejected me really..I want to go back, she was the only reason I was staying.nothing for me here in Ire.

"I know lots of friends who've ended up getting together"
I aways tought that was us. just wasnt the time when travelling

For ages I tought about it if I do tell her will it ruin our friendship. I dont want to lose her. but I always wanted more. I do need to make my intensions clearer in the future and not fall into the friend trap but when I do this sometimes its too obvious. its hard to get the balance. I want this pain feeling to stop, its going on too long

Wibbs, some good points thanks..
I think she must have known since the start, women do pick up on signals far better than men. I would hate to think I was a ego boost. I dont think so.

I was up all last night over this. Thing is she is part of our group of friends I made travelling. My only real group of frineds at the moment. I leave v.soon. how do I fix this so we can be at least friends. I'd rather that than nothing.

she txt on xmas as if nothing happended really. I txt back to her 1st txt but not her 2nd txt..this would be the longest we would talk,txt r fb in a long time.

she would be the closeist person I have. Just 2 other mates (male)that I could trust wit anything.

Im sure i'll see her before I'll go, ill have a leaving night wit my friends she is part of the friend group.she would want to and so would I. should I come clean in person (prob tone it down a bit) just so we can move on. leave on a positive.

on a plus side guys, I was asked out by a sober girl (a 1st) and she was v.cute a few days ago. might meet her tomo, I know nothing will come of it, Im leaving, but it did make me feel better.

Bottle_of_Smoke

mp3guy wrote: »

Girls don't like their male friends in a relationship forming or sexual way, and find it weird that their male friends find them attractive. Simple as.

I'd disagree. 99% of the time they know the guy is interested.

They like the attention and the fact that someone wants them(who doesn't) so they'll generally flirt back to varying levels.

If they feel the heat is getting too much they'll say something like "oh I love you like a brother so could never be attracted to you" which translates as "I'm not attracted to you but I'm feeling guilty that I led you on a bit and my version sounds nicer"

This is why the girl from the OP is acting like nothing happened, if she acknowledges the drunken text she'll have to deal with the guy becoming resentful/bitter.

Now I have no sympathy for the guys who fall into this trap, they never make their initial intentions clear and expect that if they're really nice the girl will see that as good enough in itself for a relationship.

OP, I'd say your best off shutting her out, you're never going to be satisfied with this girl as a friend and it will kill you when you hear about other guys having her.

Use it a as a learning experience, in future if you like a girl don't pretend to be the shoulder to cry on and actually approach her as a potential partner.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Unregistered wrote: »

Im sure i'll see her before I'll go, ill have a leaving night wit my friends she is part of the friend group.she would want to and so would I. should I come clean in person (prob tone it down a bit) just so we can move on. leave on a positive.

on a plus side guys, I was asked out by a sober girl (a 1st) and she was v.cute a few days ago. might meet her tomo, I know nothing will come of it, Im leaving, but it did make me feel better.

I think that's a really good idea, you'll be surprised how much closure you get. Just don't go accusing her of leading you on or anything along those lines. You might not want to leave then.

fits

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

you're never going to be satisfied with this girl as a friend

No I definitely think it is possible, once the op has moved on mentally himself and accepts that nothing will happen.

and it will kill you when you hear about other guys having her.

weird expression...

pfishfood

I would say get over it it isnt going to happen as she thinks of you as just a friend. Find someone who'll reciprocte your feelings. Dont agonise over this as she wont. get on with your life

Snowie

Unregistered wrote: »

so long story short, i being madly in love with this girl for nearly a year. i met her travelling..we spent alot of time travling together. she is the closest person i made traveling and i would be one or hers. anyway im back a couple of months she back one...I have missed her soooo much...I think bout her everyday!!!all day!! she really is the most amazing person in thw worls (sounds mushy but she is)

we have met up just once she's back..we talk,txt facebook all the time.she being busy with other people..anyaway I finaly came out a told out straight 3 days ago(in a txt while i was pissed i didnt have the balls) i got told she loves me but we just "pals" its being a few days...i cant bear to talk to her..but yet i just wanna be with her, hold her..and stuff.

got a txt today just as if nothing happened....she being off have fun the last few days while i have being in bits...

anyway the next day i have booked flights away again, in 2 weeks...another year maybe..if i cant be with all the time I cant handle just once or twice a week as friends..I need to just get over with it.thinking being 1000's of miles away will help.

emmm dont know what i want people to say but as alot of us on this page just want to tell someone......................happy xmas

How do you know your in love ?

You where travelling, you fall out of contact with people because your travelling does not mean you r going to be friends for ever, your beack in the real world...

you think about her every day? I take it you fantisise about how things could be, how you and her could be such a great couple....? Why is she the most amazeing person in the world? Ive even said that a bout girls and to be honest looking back on it there far from amazing....

Right so you texted her a message when you drunk saying your my world and I love you more then any one else or something to that nature... ?

She's not feeling it, I mean an act of expressing one's love for another person is bye no means a text message its impulsive emotionally imature, can you really blame her for acting like nothing has happened... ?

Ok so you cant deal with it because you dont know how to so you book an areoplane and run far and fast away from all those nasty feelings. whats it to prove... because when you get to where ever your going that pain will still be there.. You can have the most amazing time ever yet on the quiet self reflecting moments that hurt will be there and you know what that hurt is still going to be there....

grow up...

all your doing is pittying your self....

dlofnep

Ah ya poor fella

LegacyUser

I know the txt was a real bad way of doing it. It was a cowards wayout.

Maybe if was meant to be it would have but I think I txt cause I wanted to know so I can move on cause it was wreaking my head so much. This thread has actually really helped. Im pleasently surprised.


Snow-Monkey
Some strong comments but they have some merit.
I know I luv her cause I have spent so much time with her, we have loads of fun. People have said r we together, why arent ye together.I know her inside out. She has told me that I know her better than anyone else. And I dunno, can anyone explain love?????

"you think about her every day? I take it you fantisise about how things could be, how you and her could be such a great couple....?"

Im miss her, I just wanna spend time with her. I fantisise about how things were and yes how we could be a couple.

I know now she not feeling the same so I can start to move on. the txt was imature, 100% right.

I have always wanted to go back. Im not home that long, I dont see myself in this country. I still havent learnt enought about myself. I was holding off cause I would miss her too much.

I'll try "grow up". Most people arent experts in these things, U have to learn from ur mistakes. I have done it wrong. Sucks though.......

What sould I say when I c her?????????

Snowie

You no what mate the reason i was so hard on you because I see me in your post's 100%...

Everything you said Ive done not once but twice. so like im talking from experence here ive also went of and travelled its never done me any good because I used to see my self as oh ireland and me dont work where its me isolating my self from people allaround me... what id say is that yes its great to travelle.

you see new cultures new life's etc which is perfectly fare... But I would say why are you falling for some one you hold dear in your persoanll life itsa pretty serous staet of affairs to be in ive lost one friend from it and i would fight like a dog to change it..... if i could but i cant.....

trust me mate you dont want that..... ande your allready starting to see it...

my advice would be dont push the issue pretend it never happened. make shore you meet other women and dont show of the fact let her see that it was more of a drunken out burst then make an effort to rekindle a friendship....