So confused!

LegacyUser

Ok, so this may seem stupid or immature to a few ppl but its something that's been on my mind for a while and just wanted others opinion...

So my issue is, Im just gone 20 and still a virgin and wondering is this normal? I know everyone is different and it'll happen at the right time and all, but at 20 its starting to feel like everyone has been there but me! Now, without coming across arrogant, I would consider myself to be fairly attractive, have no problem chatting and flirting with guys and have had some sexual experiences in the past but never gone all the way. Haven't been in a serious relationship either. I have always believed that I'd wait for the right person, and wouldnt just give it up to the first one that came my way. But now Im thinking maybe I should just relax a bit and have some fun. I don't mean become a total slut but stop hunting for that Mr. Perfect! Also, from a guys perspective, would still being a virgin at 20 be a turn off? Should I tell a little white lie and say Ive been with someone before or tell the truth?

Also, Im not looking for "how to meet a guy" advice, just some thoughts on the above! Appreciate it guys!

Kevster

Hi,

I am male, 25 years old (nearly 26), and have only had sex once (at 21, I think). Even then, it only lasted a few seconds and I did not enjoy it; and I know people in their 30's and even later who are still vrgins. My point is that not everyone is having sex all of the time, because people simply have different priorities in life. Try not to feel let down by it, because it really is an unimportant issue. Just stick to achieving your personal goals in life and things will work out for you.

Take care,
Kevin

cornbb

Unregistered wrote: »

I have always believed that I'd wait for the right person, and wouldnt just give it up to the first one that came my way.

You need to find a middle ground between "the right person" and "the first one that came my way". Big difference. You could spend your whole life searching for the right person.

But now Im thinking maybe I should just relax a bit and have some fun. I don't mean become a total slut but stop hunting for that Mr. Perfect!

Good idea. It shouldn't be hard to find someone who is not "perfect" but someone who is nice, someone you can trust, someone you think is special and thinks you are special in return, and someone who is willing to show you the ropes.

Also, from a guys perspective, would still being a virgin at 20 be a turn off? Should I tell a little white lie and say Ive been with someone before or tell the truth?

Definitely tell the truth, I don't think it would be a turn off for anyone. Possibly the opposite in fact You'd be better off not trying to hide it.

Last word of advice - the first time can be a bit of a let-down for a lot of people, so don't have momentous expectations. Find someone who you wouldn't mind practising with, someone patient, and you'll be having the time of your life in no time! :pac:

LegacyUser

Yes its fine to be a virgin at 20, but not if its causing you grief. Sex is great, but its not some sacred thing that you have to build up in your mind and become fixated on. If the idea of having numerous sexual partners makes you uncomfortable, you shouldn't do it, but neither should you be obsessed with finding Mr. Right, or having everything be absolutely perfect the first time.

Tell your first sexual partner that you are a virgin. The sex will not be perfect, and you are bound to be nervous. If you don't tell him, then he may assume that you are experienced but just terrible in bed.

Terodil

- Tell the truth, for reasons stated above.
- More people are virgins > 20 than you believe.
- You set your own priority on sex vs. affection. I couldn't do it without, others can, your pick.
- I can understand your curiosity but do not let that influence your decision or you will regret it. Don't become desperate. Sex is great fun, yes, but don't underestimate the fact that you need to be in the mood for it. You need to feel comfortable for that, not primarily desperate or curious. You need to have that burning feeling in your stomach.

LegacyUser

Don't stress about this OP.

I was a virgin til I was 21. It wasn't a moral decision, I wasn't, like you, waiting around for Mr Perfect to sweep me away, the opportunity just didn't arise to have sex with someone I was sexually attracted to before then. A late starter, if you will.
I wasn't in a relationship for my first time but the fire was definitely there, and I decided that was enough for me at the time.

You're right in your attitude to just have fun - sex is supposed to be fun for both parties, but it's not something you need to get worked up about - I know I was the exact same about losing my virginity - but in the end I realised I'm a woman with my own urges and needs and I just wanted to start fulfilling them.

Don't panic, this will happen for you. And definitely tell. It was a big turn-on in my case!!

LegacyUser

OP,
I have felt like you do now in the past..
The media, magazines films etc, and even friends, can make it seem as though everyone is having sex except you. I hadnt had sex until i was 21, despite having a few different relationships. I did feel in "love" and ready at that time. But ive since broke up with that person and am now 23 and in a long term relationship. Me and my partner have discussed sexual histories, and we had both only ever slept with one other person. Sometimes i wish i had waited until i met him, but in another way it was nice not to be as nervous with him as i was first time. Im so happy that we havnt had loads of sexual partners, as in my opinion it makes it more special. No man who loves you is going to be put off by inexperience, as sex is more about knowing what your partner likes than knowing all the "moves", so no matter how experienced you are, when you're with a new person for the first time you will still have loads to learn.
one other thing, when i first had sex i felt embaressed (stupidly, i realise now) to tell him that I'd never done it before. A huge mistake, as he had no idea to be extra gentle.

Best of luck, and dont stress over this, it will happen when the time is right.

Nyree

I'm 35 and have never had sex, how's that for something to be ashamed about ! And to make matters worse, I've only had one relationship in my life at age 30 which lasted just 4 months. How sad is that ? I never meet anyone, no matter how hard I've tried and now I've just resigned myself to the thought that I never will. I know part of the problem over the years was that I was a bit shy and a bit reserved but I know other people who are like that and worse and they all ended up with someone. I'm not that bad, I just wasn't into standing in the middle of a crowded nightclub snogging some total stranger because everyone else was doing it. I want it to be with someone I've developed feelings for or else it doesn't mean anything for me and I'm a little old to be looking for a bit of fun ! I want to have a long-term serious relationship which hopefully leads to marriage. I would sleep with someone but only if it was someone I loved and was in a serious, long term relationship with, I mean a relationship of at least 2 years, not 2 weeks.

Anyway, my point is - not having had sex in your early 20s or even late 20s doesn't matter. What matters is that when you do have it, it should be with someone you love and not because everyone else is doing it.