Unsettling attention

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

I'll keep this short. I'm a single woman, early twenties, and over the last few months have lost two stone in weight. I've done it through working out and eating healthily, so I'm pretty confidence and happy at my new size, but am finding it hard to deal with the new attention.

I guess I would be considered attractive (not blowing my own horn, just trying to be honest here!) and would have gotten a bit of attention before the weight came off (I was never hugely overweight, but now I am quite slim and in good shape) but I've found I'm getting a new level of attention now, and it makes me nervous a lot of the time - double looks on the street, the head-to-toe stares, smug smiles, and blatant checking me out mid conversation.

Don't get me wrong, I like attention, and I appreciate when people congratulate me on the weight loss and understand that they will look, but this is a pretty CONSTANT thing that can get a little unsettling.

Any advice or any ladies learned how to handle this?

Thanks in advance

Kevster

Hi,

You WILL get used to it eventually - don't worry about that. I can relate to your situation in certain ways: I was never overweight but I was kind of a slob when I was a teenager. Luckily, I decided to shape up before my metabolism slowed down in my early twenties. I'm now 25 and am considered a handsome young man. It took a while to get used to people making such comments straight to my face, but you will get used to it.

I suspect that many of your female friends are very jealous too, so I would advise not discussing this issue at all with them.

Take care,
Kevin

St Bill

Unregistered wrote: »

double looks on the street, the head-to-toe stares, smug smiles, and blatant checking me out mid conversation.

Op, there's nothing you can do about double looks on the street or smug smiles, but the head to toe stares and checking you out in mid conversation is just blatantly rude. If you catch someone doing it again, call them on it by saying 'That's very bad manners'. By saying something neutral like this (ie it's something that can be said about both sexes) you're cutting out the possibility of being labelled as frigid/stuck up/or any other responses that some men like to use when they don't get what they want.

Zebra3

OP,

Firstly congrats on getting into shape and enjoy your new found confidence.

Don't worry about the attention unless one individual is overdoing it. Sounds like you're cheering up a lot of people when you pass by them.

GirlInterrupted

Many congratulations on your sucessful weight loss.

There's nothing you can do about other peoples behaviour, only yours. Let the stares and comments wash over you and don't react to unwelcome attention. You'll get used to it over time, and ultimately it means nothing.

Big Knox

Kevster wrote: »

Hi,

You WILL get used to it eventually - don't worry about that. I can relate to your situation in certain ways: I was never overweight but I was kind of a slob when I was a teenager. Luckily, I decided to shape up before my metabolism slowed down in my early twenties. I'm now 25 and am considered a handsome young man. It took a while to get used to people making such comments straight to my face, but you will get used to it.

I suspect that many of your female friends are very jealous too, so I would advise not discussing this issue at all with them.

Take care,
Kevin

lol

Wibbs

Big Knox "lol" is not an acceptable answer in this forum. Please read the charter before posting here again. Next time it's a banning.

seahorse

Kevster wrote: »

I suspect that many of your female friends are very jealous too, so I would advise not discussing this issue at all with them.

Take care,
Kevin

What a stupid thing to assume! I hope you don't pay any attention to this OP; your female friends and sisters, if you have any sisters, would be the first port of call if you need to discuss feeling a bit intimidated by this new level of male attention.

As for what you can do about it, well you certainly cant avert it, so the only thing to do is change how you deal with it when it happens. Personally I'm very direct; I had some arsehole behind me in a packed supermarket queue recently start muttering in my ear about how big his feet were and telling me: "You know what they say about men with big feet?". I sorted that out by asking him at the top of my voice: "NO, I HAVEN'T A CLUE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT MEN WITH BIG FEET, YOU'LL HAVE TO TELL ME - WHAT DO THEY SAY ABOUT MEN WITH BIG FEET???" You'd want to have seen the feckin face on him, lol.

I guess my advice in a nutshell is that you'll have to grow a thicker skin and learn how to stick up for yourself if anyone goes over the line and makes you uncomfortable.

LegacyUser

Hi guys

Thanks for the advice. I guess it does just take some getting used to really. I suppose because this is a relatively new thing to me that's why it seems a bit overwhelming, I certainly never expected getting slimmer would alter people's perceptions of me.

Kevster, you're right about the friend jealousy thing - that's something I've to deal with now as well. Only a handful of my girl friends have actually reacted positively to the weight loss - the reaction seems to be either 'you're too skinny' (which I certainly am not, nor would ever aspire to be) or they say very little but I can sort of feel their discomfort. But I guess I do look a lot different now and weight loss is always a biggie for females, so maybe with a bit of time that will pass too.

seahorse

In that case it sounds like you need to make some new friends OP. It doesn't sound to me like these people were genuine friends at all.

A close friend of mine lost 50lbs in the last year and got nothing but support and encouragement along the way from her female friends and nothing but good-will and congratulations when she reached her goal. None of us were put out by her acheivement and if anyone had been I'd be advising her they weren't her friend after all.

LegacyUser

I've been in the same sitch as the OP, got nothing but resentment when i lost weight from the girls in my life even family. The male attention did make me feel very vulnerable at first but I tried to sort of take it as a compliment unless they were really being OTT about it.. nothing you can really do if someones being rude except end the conversation and move away. The thing with my friends hurt tho, it was like they didnt trust me anymore. I put some weight back on a few years later and they all loved me again, go figure. I guess it weeds out your true friends from the ones you can do without.

You'll get used to it. I'm not tooting my own horn, but I've gone through my whole life since I was 13 or 14 with people looking at me in the street. It used to make me really paranoid and irritated, as I wondered what on earth they were looking at, but in time I've realised they probably think I look good (I used to think they were staring because I was ugly/badly dressed/had something on my face!) - whenever I wear nice clothes and make-up instead of my usual jeans + converse I get even more stares. The people I'm with notice more than I do at this stage unless it's mega obvious (like the guy on O'Connell St this afternoon who turned his head and stared at me and walked into an old lady). There's nothing much you can do about it really so there's no point in getting upset/annoyed.

Snowie

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi guys

Thanks for the advice. I guess it does just take some getting used to really. I suppose because this is a relatively new thing to me that's why it seems a bit overwhelming, I certainly never expected getting slimmer would alter people's perceptions of me.

Kevster, you're right about the friend jealousy thing - that's something I've to deal with now as well. Only a handful of my girl friends have actually reacted positively to the weight loss - the reaction seems to be either 'you're too skinny' (which I certainly am not, nor would ever aspire to be) or they say very little but I can sort of feel their discomfort. But I guess I do look a lot different now and weight loss is always a biggie for females, so maybe with a bit of time that will pass too.

Hey congrats op go you...

as for your friends who are giving you some level of disscomfort about how you look now..

Its probably down to the fact that you worked hard to acheave your goal and maybe its jelousy/alphafemale/self reflection on there part Now you look better then them you take care of your self have pride in your self...

where as they may not, dont let it bother you as so many would say insted of letting them get all (b;tchy) invite them to come to the gym with you or what not and let them see the work you put in eather theyle respect you or shut it because there to lazy .....

fareplay

Nevyn

Unsettling is a good term for it, it will take you awhile to adjust but while you will have to
do that you do not have to put up with people being rude and who have no cop on or socails skills.

Don't let them knock your confidence, be who you want to be for yourself
and don't worry about your 'friends' insecurities they are their own issues and as for those who can't seem to controll themselves or refrain from being so obivious well that is their lack of manners it can be hard at times but don't let them cow you.

I would be a big fan of making them feel more embrassed and uncomfortable then they are starting to make me feel but that is not always possible but you just need a different type of armour, shítty that it has to be that way sometimes but sometimes people are shítty.

Overheal

oggling is one thing - but get yourself a tin of mace.

Silverfish

Overheal wrote: »

oggling is one thing - but get yourself a tin of mace.

Overheal, Mace is illegal. Please read the charter and do not advocate illegal or violent behaviour.

miss no stars

Maybe the OP is only noticing the attention now due to the loss in weight. Maybe the attention was always there but now that she's lost weight the side effects of the problems that weight loss can bring about is that she EXPECTS the attention...

This thread could actually be the cry for attention of a very insecure person that needs their appearance validated because in reality, when they get those stares, there's that tiny little voice in the back of their head going "They're looking because you're ugly".

OP, see a councillor.

hupyago

I can imagine it can be difficult being a good looking woman as its idolised by men and women
people look at each other n e way if you look like someone they know or they are interested in you
simple advise would be ignore it and it'll go away
the more self concious you are the more people pick up on it
my cousin has been living in china the past year and was irratated by all the attention a medium sized westerner can get in a city of 3 million mostly short asians who have never seen a westerner before except through the movies etc.
(an old man told him he looked like brad pitt after standing staring at him for a while)
his way of dealing with it was to learn the language so he could fit in well
the less attention you pay it the less it will latch onto you
I find if someone is focusing their attention at me just look them in the eye or deal with them directly or ignore them and it just withers away( the attention)
also I don't think a 'councillior' would help unless you wanted roadworks or development works done
maybe a 'counsellor' might do the job
simply minding your own business works most of the time
thats what most well known people have to do
also you could use it to your advantage in some ways
good luck , good lookin'

Overheal

Silverfish wrote: »

Overheal, Mace is illegal. Please read the charter and do not advocate illegal or violent behaviour.

lost in translation

<-- location :rolleyes:

no pepper spray? nothing? women have only their purse and their stink eye to protect them on a night out?

anyway op - think self defence as well.

Silverfish

Overheal wrote: »

lost in translation

<-- location :rolleyes:

I am assuming the OP is in Ireland, as is this site.

The use of Mace is illegal. I do not care where you are located.

Back on topic.

beks101

Yeah I think you do expect a bit of attention when you've worked so hard to get in shape, but more of the 'you look great, you've lost weight!' variety rather than having your friends turn on you.

OP, I had a similar experience a few years back when I came back to college after summer about three dress sizes smaller. I got concern, jealousy, hostility and interrogation from other females, friends included, with one or two genuine congratulations thrown in. It's all down to their own insecurities, and for me I think the fact that I was now slimmer, fitter and healthier than them left them with a chip on their shoulders.

Be patient, they will adjust, but as many others have said, DON'T accept rudeness. It may mean having a few assertive words with friends or telling a leerer to back off, but you've had the strength to follow through with the weight loss, I doubt this will be a problem for you.

Best of luck

Nevyn

It can be strange to go from being nearly invisible as a object of desire to seeming to suddenly be on a lot more people's radar, both males in the manner and the competition
radar with other females. But that it's what it is about, it's about you being you
about your health, shape and fitness,
so let the begrudgers be damned, ignore the drooling idiots
cos that is all they are and take no crap from creeps.

The Mighty Ken

miss no stars wrote: »

This thread could actually be the cry for attention of a very insecure person that needs their appearance validated

Sorry, I'd have to side with this poster. OP - there are gorgeous women everywhere. Walk up Grafton Street any given lunchtime and you'll see babes with hot bodies all over the place. Sure, there are some lecherous creeps out there who will stare at you and make you feel uncomfortable but you're not different to the tens of thousands of other women who get that from time to time. For some reason, one of the first things you've decided to do after your new found weight loss (and fair play to you) is to come on to boards.ie and start asserting that men can't stop staring at you and they're creeping you out. I can only assume that there's some degree of misandry in your post. Either that or you seriously need to get over yourself. Or both.

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

miss no stars

How is that unhelpful and off topic?


All that's been stated is that maybe, just MAYBE, the problem might not lie with the amount of attention but the OP's reaction to the attention.

LegacyUser

Hi guys, thanks for all the input again, it’s interesting to get other people’s perspectives on this.

The Mighty Ken, I know there are gorgeous women everywhere, far more attractive than I am, but that’s what the issue is for me. My personal issue is that losing weight has seemingly led to a far higher level of attention than I have ever had before, and I’m finding it a bit daunting. I don’t know how that means I need to get over myself?
I didn’t lose the weight because I wanted more attention, nor have I been obsessively observing others’ reactions to me as I walk down the street, nor indeed does every single person who walks past me give me attention…I’ve just noticed that being slimmer seems to change how many people react to me. I’m not used to it.
As someone said above, maybe it’s a good thing, but as it’s a relatively new thing to me, it makes me feel a little vulnerable at times and I wondered if anyone reading this had been through the same and could offer some advice. That’s all.

Thanks to all who have.

Nevyn

miss no stars if you have query about a mod action pm the mod do not drag the thread off topic.

The Mighty Ken

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi guys, thanks for all the input again, it’s interesting to get other people’s perspectives on this.

The Mighty Ken, I know there are gorgeous women everywhere, far more attractive than I am, but that’s what the issue is for me. My personal issue is that losing weight has seemingly led to a far higher level of attention than I have ever had before, and I’m finding it a bit daunting. I don’t know how that means I need to get over myself?
I didn’t lose the weight because I wanted more attention, nor have I been obsessively observing others’ reactions to me as I walk down the street, nor indeed does every single person who walks past me give me attention…I’ve just noticed that being slimmer seems to change how many people react to me. I’m not used to it.
As someone said above, maybe it’s a good thing, but as it’s a relatively new thing to me, it makes me feel a little vulnerable at times and I wondered if anyone reading this had been through the same and could offer some advice. That’s all.

Thanks to all who have.

Okay, well as miss no stars has said, it's possible that it's your reaction to losing weight and looking better that is the problem. Starting a thread on boards.ie to try and find some kind of reason for the astoundingly obvious is a dead giveaway. Men like to look at good looking women. Just like women will look at good looking men. You need to just accept that and get on with your life and take a bit of (most importantly, quiet) comfort and confidence in the fact that you are an attractive woman.

As has already been said - staring at anyone for any reason is just downright rude. You're completely within your rights to give someone a dirty look or address them sternly if they're leering at you. Was that the answer that you were looking for? Is that even helpful or wasn't it blindingly obvious already?

not yet

Just enjoy it...........


I think you look great anyway.

cufroige

Hi Op..

Try & just focus on your self confidence issues, you've gotten use to being the wallflower the past few years, YOU did that, it was the role you labbelled yourself & identified yourself with..

Now you have changed physically & you need to recognise that emotionally, Don't mind others, they will say & do what they say & do..

I understand what you're saying.. I lost A LOT of weight a few years back.. I actually use to get angry with people's reactions to me, people I knew would be astounded (I lost 7 stone) The compliments were flying & It was such a converastional piece, everyone wanted to talk weight with me... I would get angry because I was thinking "hold on here, I'm the same person I always was..Leave me alone!!"
I was stuck in a fat mind...for ages, I was bitter, coz what I was being told was how great I looked, words like 'stunning' 'amazing' ..But what I was hearing was "God,about time.. you were such a fat disgusting cow before"

Certain 'friends' chewed my ear off about my having 'gone too far'.. looking gaunt..my arse.. I had them bitches sussed, they were threatened & it made me desperate to rub it in their noses

All in all, my weight loss, the achievement was for all the wrong reasons, I never had my own self in mind, never congratulated myself, just became fixated by others reactions to it & was oblivious to my own warped thinking..

Instead of enjoying my new body & it's abilities I became fixated on a terrible fear of gaining the weight back, because I would be the disgusting fat cow I ran so hard & fast to get away from... And What happened?

I GAINED IT ALL BACK... And guess what... I cracked up. I fullfilled my own prophecy, I really was a fat cow hiding in a skinny body..

After a major identity crisis, a hermit like depression I started to question the experience, mostly the experience of gaining 'THAT' amount of weight after working SO SO hard to get it off...I started finding answers & finally peace.. I found out that I myself am the only one living in my head, nobody else, I was putting words & thoughts about myself into the mouths & minds of others. I was projecting onto them what I really subconsciously thought of myself, even my skinny self.. I did not like myself one bit..

Now, I am happier than I have ever been, I have self confidence, value & worth, I have faith in my abilities & my qualities & I HAD to re-gain that weight to learn these things, even though it broke my heart it was a lesson I was meant to learn..

I have now lost a lot of that weight again, I am over half way back down to a normal weight.. I am healthy emotionally & when it comes to others I am merely an observer, I don't get my knickers in a twist no matter who says or does what...genuinely

What I'm trying to tell you is to forget about others, looks comments, whatever..bring the focus back to you & enjoy yourself..

Congratulations on bettering your physical self, now get the mind & spirit involved... Love yourself

Irishcrx

The Mighty Ken wrote: »

Sorry, I'd have to side with this poster. OP - there are gorgeous women everywhere. Walk up Grafton Street any given lunchtime and you'll see babes with hot bodies all over the place. Sure, there are some lecherous creeps out there who will stare at you and make you feel uncomfortable but you're not different to the tens of thousands of other women who get that from time to time. For some reason, one of the first things you've decided to do after your new found weight loss (and fair play to you) is to come on to boards.ie and start asserting that men can't stop staring at you and they're creeping you out. I can only assume that there's some degree of misandry in your post. Either that or you seriously need to get over yourself. Or both.

I'm going to have to 3'rd this , I think this thread is in itself a cry for attention, oh I'm so good looking now etc , congratulations of loosing the weight if you did but loosing two stone is not going to turn Mary Harney into Cheryl Cole I can't imagine uncontrolable attention from guys all the time and even so thats the reason most women and men loose weight is to attract the oppisite sex more as well as health reasons. A said there are very sexy women everywhere for guys to look at it and chat up.

cufroige

Irishcrx wrote: »

I'm going to have to 3'rd this , I think this thread is in itself a cry for attention, oh I'm so good looking now etc , congratulations of loosing the weight if you did but loosing two stone is not going to turn Mary Harney into Cheryl Cole I can't imagine uncontrolable attention from guys all the time and even so thats the reason most women and men loose weight is to attract the oppisite sex more as well as health reasons. A said there are very sexy women everywhere for guys to look at it and chat up.

How insightful :rolleyes:

Edit: I don't think this attitude is at all helpful here.. A cry for attention on a mostly anon Internet message board?
Please, in every thread there's always someone who comes in & just belittles the op without it seems any compassion or understanding for a personal issue they seek advice with..Advice being what's sought, why would anyone with nothing helpful to say bother commenting?

LegacyUser

Cufroige, I would thank you if I could figure out how that function works!

I can strongly identify with a lot of what you've said and it's sort of clarified a few things for me. I'm beginning to realise I care too much about what other people think, and I've definitely become used to being a bit of a wallflower the past few years. I read somewhere about weight becoming sort of an armour and that may have been what happened with me.
Like I mentioned earlier, I wasn't that overweight to start off with, but it was enough to put me 'off' a lot of people's radar and there was something comfortable about that. I guess I now have to ask myself why.

I'm a people pleaser, always have been, so it's hard having to deal with hostility from friends who have never acted this way towards me before, and since I first started noticing the attention it's been in my mind so I've become more and more paranoid about it.

I'm sort of surprised at the few posters here who seem to think this is a ploy for further attention or some sort of validation...the issue here is not how I look, it's how I feel about how I look. I've never looked remotely like Mary Harney or Cheryl Cole, either before or after I lost weight, but thanks for putting a smile on my face!!

LegacyUser

Irishcrx wrote: »

I'm going to have to 3'rd this , I think this thread is in itself a cry for attention, oh I'm so good looking now etc , congratulations of loosing the weight if you did but loosing two stone is not going to turn Mary Harney into Cheryl Cole I can't imagine uncontrolable attention from guys all the time and even so thats the reason most women and men loose weight is to attract the oppisite sex more as well as health reasons. A said there are very sexy women everywhere for guys to look at it and chat up.

And it's attitudes like this which are exactly the reason why people who have lost weight/improved their appearance in some way end up feeling intimidated. Sour grapes. Begrudgery.

I posted a bit earlier on in this thread about having been in this situation and having to deal with hostility from females as well as attention from men - and it was the negative jealous attention that hurt the most... the other kind, you learn to deal with in time. But come on - why do people have to have the attitude of 'oh they're looking for attention', 'they're not that bloody good looking', 'they need to be taken down a peg or two'??

If there are people out there who can't handle it when someone raises the bar, then that's their problem... don't take your insecurities out on the people who are making an effort to improve themselves. I take my hat off to anyone who loses weight and ends up looking great, no matter how much better than me she looks - it's no mean feat and it takes serious effort and you have to respect that.

I totally agree with cufroige's long post on this one OP - listen to her

metaoblivia

I always find it interesting that you can people think you're a good cook or a good singer (provided you are of course), etc. , but god forbid you tell someone you think you're good looking. I agree with cufroige on this matter. I don't think that this any more a cry for attention than other threads in PI.
OP, it probably seems strange at first, but you'll get used to it. You can't control what other people do or where they look. Just go about your business and do your best to forget they're even there. In time, you won't even notice. As for some of your friends being jealous, that's their problem, not yours. There's always someone out there willing to begrudge another person for their accomplishments - and losing weight is an accomplishment!

LightningBolt

I don't think it's the attention that's unsettling you but rather the fact that you're not confident enough to handle it. There's no magic cure to gaining self confidence in your looks as I've found out. It's something you'll have to work on by recognising and acknowledging the good points about yourself and working on your perceived bad points.

I'm going to have to 3'rd this , I think this thread is in itself a cry for attention, oh I'm so good looking now etc , congratulations of loosing the weight if you did but loosing two stone is not going to turn Mary Harney into Cheryl Cole I can't imagine uncontrolable attention from guys all the time and even so thats the reason most women and men loose weight is to attract the oppisite sex more as well as health reasons. A said there are very sexy women everywhere for guys to look at it and chat up.

All the begrudgers are missing something here. Someone who has always been considered attractive is going to be well used to the attention by now. And reasonably attractive people DO get attention - what does it matter that there are lots of good looking people around? It must feel strange to suddenly get stared at and talked to when you previously went unnoticed.

acorntoast

When you grow up physically beautiful, and have always had attention paid to you, you are used to it, know how to handle it, and already know how you feel about it - because it's all familiar, and dealing with people's reactions to you is second nature.

If you haven't felt pretty before, or haven't been perceived as pretty before I can totally understand why this would be a little overwhelming - you are encountering a behaviour which is totally new, and it sounds like it's a little bit full on at times.

Even girls who have always been considered beautiful are bothered by this sort of attention. Ever hear a girl saying I wish they could see past my looks to me?

I don't think you need self defense classes any more than the next girl. I really doubt sexual violence becomes more likely if you are good looking.

jellie

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm a people pleaser, always have been, so it's hard having to deal with hostility from friends who have never acted this way towards me before, and since I first started noticing the attention it's been in my mind so I've become more and more paranoid about it.

Dont take notice of any of the hostility, its probably jealousy for the most part.
Particularly any thats coming from what are supposed to be your friends.

Ive recently lost nearly 1.5 stone. id like to lose a bit more, but im loving how i feel & look as the weight comes off. & peoples reactions are really showing me the difference in who my friends are.

Friend 1 saw me the other day in a new dress I wouldnt have worn before. Her reaction was "OMG you look AMAZING! seriously, you look so fantastic! im so proud of you!" - this went on for about 5 mins she was clearly happy for me.

Friend 2, i was looking at clothes with (in a new size!) - "hmm no that definitely wouldnt suit you, it looks good on me cause i have blah blah". "you know you should wear make up more you look soooo much better with it on". etc etc. the backhanded put downs..

basically, you can tell from peoples reactions whos actually genuinely happy for you & who actually cares. Enjoy your new size, enjoy CLOTHES (i know i do!), and dont take any notice of anyone who makes you feel down about it.

cufroige

Unregistered wrote: »

I can strongly identify with a lot of what you've said and it's sort of clarified a few things for me. I'm beginning to realise I care too much about what other people think,

I'm a people pleaser, always have been, so it's hard having to deal with hostility from friends who have never acted this way towards me before,

I'm sort of surprised at the few posters here who seem to think this is a ploy for further attention or some sort of validation...the issue here is not how I look, it's how I feel about how I look.

OP, I'm so glad you have at least identified with what I said.. The above statements from you are very telling & I in turn identify with you..

Being a people pleaser, I think, you loose sight of where you stand in any circumstance, it's almost like you have no mind of your own. Waiting on someone else to respond to you with consideration of feelings they don't even know you have (because you've never expressed them) is just a waste of time & a waste of you.

I recently had a friend of mine 'impose' on me, with no bad intention or thought on her part, just assumption, I understood that. It didn't suit me & I said so very casually, The reaction I got was complete offence on her part... she was very nasty about it, which I also understood because she went into complete defense mode seeing my 'assertivness' as an attack of some sort, like I had some sort of intention or agenda behind it. I kept cool, I learned a lot about her in her subsequent rant that came from nowhere but her alarm at my 'easy going' (ie bend over backwards) nature having suddenly changed..

Anyway, what is amazing to me now is that I didn't 'feel bad' about it, I saw it as a bad maybe even shocked reaction on her part. It had nothing to do with me, had she thought of asking beforehand what suited me she wouldn't have ended up having a sh1thaemorrage!

Now she thinks to arrange in advance with me & we have a much better relationship & mainly because I am not resenting situations I was actually enabling myself..

I hope you get that too, do yourself a favour & do for yourself what you would not think twice about doing for others..

Oh, and FK the begrudgers...

Best of luck to you, let your light shine and don't be one bit ashamed of how brilliant you are..If we all did this we would get on so much better as a race.

Merry Christmas To You xxxx