rounds - etiquette?

Will

Ok ok ok! short story first brethren then criticism if you please

I went out tonight to meet a friend and her new husband (they're over here from america), i hadn't seen the girl since that time in italy (2 years ago) anywhooo an awesomeO friend booked me a table in an awesomeO club/bar tonight so i could show the couple a good time!

We drink, dude buys first round. I'm like cool, no biggie I've enough cash to do rounds, well 3 anyway. Wasn't planning on drinking much.

Anyway first round goes down a treat. Nice erdinger, 2nd round comes along, I figure it's my go so go and get the round. Again they go down a treat.

3rd round comes along... nothing! Silence! Empty glasses, no smiles nothing... akward silence ensues. So i bite the bullet and say to myself in my head 'screw it, il get it, they will get me back im sure'

I buy the round. goes down a treat. Same sh¡t happens again and I've only €30 left in me paw. The womans husband goes 'here dude lets get X a drink, i wanna see her drunk' Im sorta not inclined to cos its his wife and im after buying 2 rounds but i say feck it and get it. Ask the dude for the money and he hands me a paw full of 5's, 10's and 20's :eek: :eek: in €5 change... WTF! I don't have the cash to be wasting on some person albeit it a friend but fúck me it's his wife!

I walk up to the bar with el cheapo coming behind me, i try t make him fúck off but he wont and plonks all the change on the bar then proceeds to count it out! jesus titty fúcking christ!

What makes it worse, when we left he goes to atm, wanders into MaccyD's and orders himself and the girl a huge monstrous meal. fat bastids

Serves me right for being generous!!

Now gentlemen, what would you have done in the situation?
Bare in mind the lady is a good friend, therefore you think the husband will also be sound as the proverbial pound. Was I too generous in this time of giving?
Also note, he is a military police man in the american army so an ass kicking was out of order for i myself would have received one in the process.
Gentlemen and ladies, i am in a quandary. Help a young brother out!

In hind sight i am thinking i should have cut my losses, stopped with the rounds and had a good time myself leaving el cheapo and his mot sipping tap water. However, I believe this is not the way of a true brother. A true brother wants everyone to partake and enjoy the consumption of alcohol and merriment.

The rounds system once embarked on, needs a verbal exchange to take place in order to opt out of the aforementioned rounds system. He did not make this verbal exchange in any manner, not even a physical one.

This evening, has left me broke for the boards christmas beers, a hefty price to pay for being in the festive mood.

Gentlemen, brothers, elder brothers, wimmins, wimmins who bring us chicken burger, wimmins who cook us bacon, where did i go wrong?

Helix

call me a stingy fecker (coz i am), but i firmly believe in buy your own

Will

Ok stingy fecker, head over to the non drinkers club where you can buy your own pints of water and sip em on your tod in the corner while enjoying the free surroundings of the pub.

javaboy

I used to do rounds. I can't stand the idea now but if someone starts it, it can be very hard to opt out without looking stingy or making the situation awkward or both. It just encourages everybody to drink at the same pace and spend the same amount even if they don't drink expensive spirits.

Samurai

I'd normally never buy more than one round until I start buying drinks individually as the night goes on people tend to forget about the system as they are drunk!

I'm also incredibly loose with my cash after a few which is painful when I look at my wallet the next day :-(

One Cold Hand

Will wrote: »

3rd round comes along... nothing! Silence! Empty glasses, no smiles nothing... akward silence ensues. So i bite the bullet and say to myself in my head 'screw it, il get it, they will get me back im sure'

It was at this point you should have said something like:
'Are guys getting more drinks? Cos if you're not, I'm just gonna grab one for myself.'

This would have let him know that it was his round if that's the way he wanted to continue, but also gives him a chance to get out of it.

Also, why the f0ck didn't she buy a round? Wimmins! Pfft! They want equal rights and all that, then they expect people to be buying them drinks all night.

Will

The thing is I didn't even embark on the rounds system, he did. If he said, 'nah it's cool i dont have enough to go another round' i probably woulda said 'ok cool no bother man' and left it at that.

Also the fact he went to the atm as soon as we left the bar to get himself some food grinds on me even more.

Once my round (2nd round) was done he just sat staring at his empty glass and kept rolling it making noise. What's a brother to do? Then the audacity to ask me to buy his wife a drink? They were cocktails btw she was hoofing into herself.

I won't go into the prices but once i offered to get a round in is when the woman decided to go for cocktails.

I do believe i was royally screwed over.

one cold hand - i applaud your forwardness but personally i cant sit there and drinka nice pint when the other 2 are just staring at their glasses. it's like eating a sunday dinner in front of a starving child, you just don't do it.

brianthebard

is the problem that you were asked to buy him several drinks, or that he wanted to get his wife drunk, or both? little confused, lot going on in that post. I generally buy my own but lately with a group of friends I got into a mini round between me and another person, it worked as you expected with the other person implicitly knowing it was their go, and therefore no issues like the ones you are talking about. If I can't afford another round I would tell the person that I can't return the favour and therefore they shouldn't bother.

juvenal

I've spent several years living in the US and still spend a lot of time there (the OH is also a Yank as are some of my closest friends).

The round system isn't big there and a lot of people don't get it. The tab system is almost always in operation so it's generally everyman for himself with a load of cards behind the bar (DANGER!!) In this situation what would usually happen is that you would've paid for every second round (with the couple being treated as 'one unit'). Of course, that's a load of b/s, as this is 2008, and there are three drinkers, ergo the round should be in three stages. Even if they are husband and wife, they should be looking after two rounds and you one, not one each.

It can get awkward in that situation, and especially where there is a couple involved. I've seen it at home as well, where a woman will feel like she doesn't have to contribute to the round as her partner/boyfriend/husband already is, despite the fact that she is drinking in the round. IMO, if you're drinking in the round, then you buy a round. If you don't think you'll last a full round, don't get into one.

Personally, if I'm out with the OH, we'll be in a round together (well it's "our" money) and leave the rest of the group to their own devices. If we're out with another couple, (most of our friends are married/engaged), then usually the men order every second round (as invariably we end up pounding whiskey as the girls hold back and take care of us when we've overdone it! ).

If I'm out with the lads, and say there are three of us, then we've just go in a three-way round. If there are four, then we just split into two double rounds. The bigger the round, the more chance someone will fall by the wayside, and someone is always going to feel hard done by.

Bottom line is, don't get into a round with a couple unless you know that both of them can stomach a few jars, and aren't suddenly going to be ordering €10 cocktails when they've already paid their round. There's nothing worse than getting in a round with someone who is tight or just wants the one, as you always end up spending more than you're drinking.

In this case, I wouldn't have bought the third round, but I can see how it'd be awkward. Also, her husband (the MP), sounds like a senseless tw@t.

You could also have looked through the empty glass like a telescope at one of them, and loudly asked "whose round is it now!?"

Zaph

Will wrote: »

Gentlemen, brothers, elder brothers, wimmins, wimmins who bring us chicken burger, wimmins who cook us bacon, where did i go wrong?

Simple, you went drinking with a Yank.

One Cold Hand

Will wrote: »

one cold hand - i applaud your forwardness but personally i cant sit there and drinka nice pint when the other 2 are just staring at their glasses. it's like eating a sunday dinner in front of a starving child, you just don't do it.

Fair enough! But the alternative is the situation you ended up with! But you're right, it is awkward when someone is really slow getting a round in, especially if you don't know him too well. If it's one of your mates you can just say 'oi, your round a$$hole'.

Will

I will make this clearer before i retire to my bed

I'm just annoyed by the fact that he started the round system and didn't follow through with it, that and the fact that once my round was over he made it very clear that he wanted another drink even though in theory it was his or his wife's round. Then once we left the bar he went to atm and got money out, was like rubbing salt in my eyes more or less.

It was never gonna be a mad session, they even said that and i was fine with it, but to go into the round system, not follow through then make it stupidly clear he wanted another drink, me getting one then him teetering off to atm to get money then food was horribly ignorant.

Not even annoyed about the money, just his actions.

juvenal

Will wrote: »

I will make this clearer before i retire to my bed

I'm just annoyed by the fact that he started the round system and didn't follow through with it, that and the fact that once my round was over he made it very clear that he wanted another drink even though in theory it was his or his wife's round. Then once we left the bar he went to atm and got money out, was like rubbing salt in my eyes more or less.

It was never gonna be a mad session, they even said that and i was fine with it, but to go into the round system, not follow through then make it stupidly clear he wanted another drink, me getting one then him teetering off to atm to get money then food was horribly ignorant.

Not even annoyed about the money, just his actions.

I agree, it's not the £$€, it's the principle. He initiated the round, but knew what he was doing and is a cheap git for not following the basic etiquette about paying your own way. He then had the gall to head into MacDonald's, and probably didn't even bother to ask you if you even wanted something from the Eurosaver menu!

OT, but it's like people who go through an itemised bill in a restaurant to ensure that they only pay for what they ate. If I had caviar and a bottle of wine, and you had the house salad, then I understand. But if we all had starters/mains/desserts, (or maybe you didn't have a €5 starter, or coffee or whatever), then stop be a tight c*nt and just split the total bill plus tip by the amount dining.

If you want to count your pennies, then get a microwave dinner and sit at home on your own in front of the television. You're not just paying for the food, you're also paying for the social and communal aspect of dining together. I understand with students, or people who aren't employed etc., but working adults?? Get a grip and don't worry about the few quids worth of morsels you didn't actually eat, and just enjoy your night and the company of friends.:mad::mad:

Will

Throughout the night I asked myself what the great elder brothers like Brother Tom Dunne, Brother Trout, Brother Des and even dearest Brother Zaph would do.

I figured they would have gotten them a pint, sat back and laughed at the hilarity of it all. I tried to follow in what I thought would be their footsteps, alas it didn't work out for the best.

But you know what? They were good pints.

Good night.

(i am a student btw)

jester77

I've been caught in the "couple" round a few times, "they" buy a round and then I have to buy a round & so it continues! Big round annoy me, people are on a different pace, someone sneaks out, someone wants a double brandy when it's your round, etc too messy!

I like the system here, every you have is ticked off on your beermat and then you settle it at the end of the night, no queuing to pay and you don't end up with a kilo of change in your pocket at the end of the night!

Gonzales

Will wrote: »

(they're over here from america),quote]

say no more, if they're from the states or continental Europe they don't have a clue about rounds or anything else really important for that matter.

smashey

Will wrote: »

Throughout the night I asked myself what the great elder brothers like Brother Tom Dunne, Brother Trout, Brother Des and even dearest Brother Zaph would do.

You forgot the greatest of the elder brothers there Will but I'll give you my advice anyway.

I have a mate living in England and whenever him and his wife come home, a few of us head out for beers. The first time we did this, it was noticed very quickly that his wife didn't buy a round. Most people would go through that embarrassed silence waiting for the round to appear but not smashey and another mate. We told them that when it comes to buying rounds in company, everybody buys their round.

If teh wimmins want equality, it works both ways. :cool:

nice1franko

I believe proper etiquette is to pipe up "it's you're twist horseface" while twitchin your head towards the bar. Then when he's gone grope his wifes tit.

Slow Motion

smashey wrote: »

You forgot the greatest of the elder brothers there Will but I'll give you my advice anyway.

I have a mate living in England and whenever him and his wife come home, a few of us head out for beers. The first time we did this, it was noticed very quickly that his wife didn't buy a round. Most people would go through that embarrassed silence waiting for the round to appear but not smashey and another mate. We told them that when it comes to buying rounds in company, everybody buys their round.

If teh wimmins want equality, it works both ways. :cool:

Good of you to remember me brother! As paramount barman of Yore Mas I believe I may be entitled to an opinion on this.

Age, race, colour or creed are no bar to being expected to get your round in! Ever hear the expression "when in Rome..." Your friends, should have familiarised themselves with the local drinking etiquette, as I'm sure you would if you were in foreign parts drinking! The fact that the wimmin is Irish and a friend makes the situation even worse, the American may have found a smidgeon of compassion if he was on his own among strangers. She should have briefed him on the procedure before even entering the pub. You did the right thing by not mentioning it, now you need to continue to do the right thing brother, lose your tight fisted mate and her tighter fisted hubby, if they were real friends they would never have put you in the situation where you have to come onto the internet to ask for the guidance of a bunch of beer bellied layabouts!

They have proved themselves no friends of yours, accept it and move on!

Blitzkrieger

****ing hate it when a one of the lads and his missus decide to count themselves as 'one' round, though have ignored it on occassion when said missus was not working and bringing in the big bobs like the rest of us (I wish). That said, said missus was also drinking soft drinks, not expensive cocktails.

TBH the OP was foolish to get into that situation in the first place. Being a third wheel is always going to get awkward at some point. Going drinking with a couple is a disaster - even two couples can be bad. When couples are involved I always make sure there's a big group of us.

In that situation, unless the craic was mighty altogether, I'd come up with an excuse and leave....

helimachoptor

Yeah its something that annoys me, if the OH goes home for the weekend and I go out for a few beers with the friends and their girlfriends.

Only one couple will actually buy a round each, so I buy a round, A buys a round then B (same couple) then the next couple only buy one round.

Really irritates me and have stopped buying rounds when they're there.

Slow Motion

If your drinking you're buying a round end of! My OH wouldn't dream of not getting her round in, and if she should forget I would be the first to point out how remiss she is being.

Helix

Helix wrote: »

call me a stingy fecker (coz i am), but i firmly believe in buy your own

Stingy fecker :mad:

Will wrote: »

it's like eating a sunday dinner in front of a starving child, you just don't do it.

Perfect analogy.

You handled it very well IMO. You can't just go up the bar and get a pint for yourself. Likewise, you can't be expected to go up the bar and buy 3 drinks every round. That's just not on. Your man's a yank, so he hasn't a clue what the story is, but your ladyfriend should know what the jack is re: buying rounds. It's her responsibility to let him know that it's his round.

Personally, i'd refrain from drinking with them both again if possible. If not, I'd refuse to enter into a round with them and just go "'s alright bud, I'm not drinking much (lie) so 'll just get me own, thanks".

[/P.I.] response

where did i go wrong

You went wrong by continuing to think that you're gonna get into her knickers AGAIN, now that she's married.

Will

Right now they're on their way back to the states where they will stay for a long long time.

smashey

Will wrote: »

Right now they're on their way back to the states where they will stay for a long long time.

That should give you plenty of time to save for their next visit.

Will

Next time I'm gonna pre-drink, bring bus fare, and inform him that i did indeed do his wife (she wasn't at the time, or his girlfriend for that matter) :pac:

Ginny

Jaysus some couples work as a unit in rounds? bizarre, if i'm drinking and in rounds I'm paying.:D

Will

Will wrote: »

Next time I'm gonna pre-drink, bring bus fare, and inform him that i did indeed do his wife (she wasn't at the time, or his girlfriend for that matter) :pac:

Original post by me edited so....

Deleted User wrote: »

You went wrong by continuing to think that you're gonna get into her knickers AGAIN, now that she's married.

Steve

If I'm going for a session with mates and there are some couples and some singles then I'll always suggest the kitty system.

Everyone throws in a twenty, if a bloke & missus are known for treating themselves as a single in a rounds match then I'll always ask him 'are you paying for her as well or should I ask her for the cash'.. Believe me it works every time.
A quick tot of the kitty and a head count easily shows up if anyone was shy.

Will, in your case with the Americans, I would have come straight out and explained it but then I've experience of drinking with them and would have expected them to be unaware of the rounds system. In a lot of cases in the states if your drinking with mates then when the 'check' (hate that word) comes at the end then everyone chips in their own.

nkay1985

That was a difficult situation alright. It required the socially unpleasant step of stating asking were they done with the round or what. Horrible situation to put you in.

I'm lucky that the only couple I'd have regularly drank with was my friend and his girlfriend in college, and that from the very first time, she chipped straight in with her round. I tend to stay away from rounds unless I know the person quite well. Would never do rounds with a stranger. But you were forced into it by the Yank. He is cunning indeed, and your friend is no friend of yours for leaving him away with it, the tight cnut.

Pj!

The rounds system is a very simple system to all involved but can be very complicated to anyone looking in and observing.

It doesn't matter who buys the first round, however, if you are noticed to constantly back out, you will in time be told to f*ck right off.
For this example, we'll say there are four people involved. The four people buy each other a drink, not very complicated. Now the fifth drink will usually be bought by the first person and it will continue on. However, if said first person is slow, on the phone or out having a piss, usually the quicker drinker will step in and get said round. It could be any of the other three, however it won't be person four. He bought the last one. That'd be silly.
First person will come back, notice what has occured. If in a regular group, no verbal need place place. However if he feels the need, said first person will light heartedly comment "That was my round, thirsty f*ckers", and drink up. (He may be falling behind due to his absence).
First person will then purchase the next round. Depending on who's quickest between person four and whoever didn't purchase the drink in first persons absence, they will buy the next drink.
Whoever of the two didn't buy the last round, will usually purchase the next round. Unless he of course is otherwise engaged(taking a piss). In suchcase, whoever is quickest between those that bought the third and fourth last drink will purchase this one. You're getting my drift here.

If a new person arrives in the group, he brings drinks for everyone as a first move, and it will continue with the five people. Only the other four will know who will get the next drink, it doesn't matter, they know. New person five will know he's due after having been bought 4 beers.

In a well formed group, no-one need ever ask who's round it is. You just f*ckin know!
Failure to participate correctly a number of times and people will talk about you behind your back.