Here we go again....

LegacyUser

I've just had yet another romantic dissapointment and I'm fed up. I'm a single female, in my mid 30's attractive, outgoing etc etc and NOT desperate before I get labeled.

I've been pretty proactive about dating, have gone online, gone on some good dates and some shockers. Then was e-mailing this lovely guy for about a month. Really nice, we exchanged photos, and hey, he was cute also!! We met last week, went on an amazing date (he's from another part of the country) and I put out, which I know a girls not meant to do, but it felt right, SILLY ME. Lots of text messages and promises of meeting again and lovely phone calls. But no second date arranged but hey, its Xmas, we're both busy. I bit the bullet and texted and said, "shall we arrange our next date" and guess what...... I haven't heard from him since!!

So looks like I've been played,(You'd think at my age I'd be able to spot them)

And now I've to start over yet AGAIN!

Nevyn

Life is a journey not a destination.
Why are you so eager to settle ?
Could well be that you just had a lucky escape.
Could well be you will meet someone more fun and intresting.
Stop building castles in the clouds so soon in and you won't be hit on the head by them when they collapse.

Overheal

As long as you took something from the experience, its a win.

seahorse

Still Single wrote: »

I bit the bullet and texted and said, "shall we arrange our next date" and guess what...... I haven't heard from him since!!

This is why you havent heard from him since. I know you said you didnt want to be labelled as 'desperate', but I honestly believe this is how you labelled yourself in his eyes with that text.

Look, if a man you really want to see again is not making moves towards asking you out the very LAST thing you should do is try to grab the bull by the horns like that. You'd be far better off getting on with your own busy and exciting life and letting him come round in his own time when he realises how much he'd like to be part of that life; if that doesnt happen you didnt need him in it anyway.

John Mason

sorry but you sound desperate. may be you are in desperation denial ??

just chill out and relax, stop the desperation dating and met someone natuarally. running around from date to date isnt the way to go, IMO

Terodil

seahorse wrote: »

This is why you havent heard from him since. I know you said you didnt want to be labelled as 'desperate', but I honestly believe this is how you labelled yourself in his eyes with that text.

Look, if a man you really want to see again is not making moves towards asking you out the very LAST thing you should do is try to grab the bull by the horns like that.

I'm not sure I agree. Yes if it threatens to turn into a recurring pattern (definitely shouldn't be one-sided!), but no if it's only occasionally. I think everybody in a relationship is/should be emancipated enough to do the asking.

That said, was the text the only thing that you tried to do?

If so, I'd suggest
- sending a card telling him how much you enjoyed the evening and how you'd love a follow up
- phoning him
depending on how romantic you feel or want it to be.

I have occasionally seen texts lost too. Although... I have to be honest with you OP, the chance is slim, and he should really have made a move as well. =/

TMoreno

Could somebody explain the following sentence? " I put out, which I know a girls not meant to do, but it felt right, SILLY ME"
What did happen exactly?

LegacyUser

ok, let me elaborate some more. This guy texted me every morning wishing me a happy day, telling me how lovely I was, every evening wondering how my day was. On our date he kept wanting to buy me a present, which I wouldn't let him. He kept saying how he wanted me to visit and how he'd cook for me. In fact our last conversation was how we'd meet up and how much he was looking forward to it. So lulled into a false sense of security and having a busy life, I texted him. Does that make me desperate? That's a bit harsh.

Anyhow, I got a text this morning saying it would be inbetween xmas and New Year and he'd call me next week.

So I guess the advice is not to text back?????

Karen_*

ok well don't put out next time no matter how right it seems because look how you're feeling now.

What can you do except move on from this.? Keep going on the dates and I'm saying that assuming that you're doing other things also. Finding a bloke is not something you can force but its good you're getting yourself out there. You've got to kiss alot of frogs before you meet your prince. Chalk this up to experience but perhaps next time word your suggestion of a second date a little differently. Like perhaps saying there's a gig on you want to go to and does he fancy coming along.

Karen_*

TMoreno wrote: »

Could somebody explain the following sentence? " I put out, which I know a girls not meant to do, but it felt right, SILLY ME"
What did happen exactly?

She slept with him. Or had sex in case former not clear.

sunnyside

Still Single wrote: »

I bit the bullet and texted and said, "shall we arrange our next date" and guess what...... I haven't heard from him since!!

!

It's perfectly ok to send a text and it's polite to reply to the latest text you've received but the wording here is what's making you sound desperate. That's way too forward.

But he has texted about meeting you again so it might work out great in the end.

I'd reply saying "Great, looking forward to seeing you" friendly and positive enough to encourage him to keep in touch. I wouldn't reply saying "Where, when, what time?" because it's a few weeks away.

MagicMarker

Still Single wrote: »

Anyhow, I got a text this morning saying it would be inbetween xmas and New Year and he'd call me next week.

So I guess the advice is not to text back?????

Err.. no.

You text back saying ''i look forward to it, talk to you then:)''

not yet

Sorry Daisy, but you sound clingy.Either way you have just been tango'd

most guys will promise you the sun,moon etc until ''you put out'' as you call it.

The old adage of hold your bone and the dog will follow works better.

themadchef

Still Single wrote: »

ok, let me elaborate some more. This guy texted me every morning wishing me a happy day, telling me how lovely I was, every evening wondering how my day was. On our date he kept wanting to buy me a present, which I wouldn't let him. He kept saying how he wanted me to visit and how he'd cook for me. In fact our last conversation was how we'd meet up and how much he was looking forward to it. So lulled into a false sense of security and having a busy life, I texted him. Does that make me desperate? That's a bit harsh.

Anyhow, I got a text this morning saying it would be in between xmas and New Year and he'd call me next week.

So I guess the advice is not to text back?????

If you want another date with him, text back.

You seem to be obsessing over him though, and if you like him it's a very easy thing to do. He was saying all the right things at the right times. If you allow yourself to make him "mister perfect" in your head, and he turns out not to be that guy.... you will be devastated, angry at yourself and starting all over again.

. If you meet the guy "online" and spend weeks/months texting. You almost feel you can know someone inside out. Stop making plans, take it day by day week by week. Reply to his text, but do not text him again until he texts you.

If you think you can't stop yourself texting the guy, or think you will text him when you're lonely or emotional, then delete his number from your phone completely. That way it's up to him to contact you. Bottom line is, if you say you're interested in another date and he doesn't contact you.. he's not really interested. After you send the text, put him out of your mind.

As for sleeping with him on the first date. If you enjoyed the time you spent with him, don't beat yourself up about it. Who's to say that had you not slept with him things would be any different. Would him chasing you till you did eventually "put out" make you feel any better? Or would you have gotten more attached. If the guy runs because you had sex with him, then let him run. He wasin't the guy for you. Chalk it down to experience, learn from it and move on. I'm not saying go out and sleep with every guy that comes your way , just, when you do decinde to have sex with someone do it for the right reasons...meaning not to try to "keep" a guy interested.

Best of luck!

TheZohanS

The next time you contact him phone him, leave it a day or so and ring him around 9pm.

If he doesn't pick up don't leave a message, if he's intrested he will ring back.

It's easy to forget about a text and it's really hard to guage what the other person might be thinking or in your case how serious they are about meeting up.

Don't come across as clingy, be cool, calm, collected and fun!

~nop~

This is nothing to do with you "putting out" on the first date, as he was still texting you afterwards. He's probably just busy, as he said.
Ball's in his court now, just text back saying "looking forward to it" or something similiar, and next time don't put out if that's how you feel about it afterwards.

SarahSassy

OP, its an easy trap to fall into when you finally meet someone you feel you could like and who could like you...

Take a step back, respond as the other posters advised above and then enjoy Xmas... Let it up to him to make the arrangements and dont even text him 'Happy Xmas'.. Remember 'a watched pot never boils' and you are getting a bit over excited here..

It was only one date and take it for what it is... It may develop into more or it may not but you need to take it slow, see how he makes you feel about him as things progress and dont worry about how he feels about you for the moment...

You need to be fussy - you are a catch you know

Terodil

SarahSassy wrote: »

Take a step back, respond as the other posters advised above and then enjoy Xmas... Let it up to him to make the arrangements and dont even text him 'Happy Xmas' unless he texted you first.. Remember 'a watched pot never boils' and you are getting a bit over excited here..

Fixed IMO, I mean he should really do more than just text you, but my point is that when he does, you should respond, of course. If you don't then it'll be his turn to wonder if you're not interested.

All this powerplay and 'omg make it look as if you don't care' is a bit mad IMO. Yes, be careful not to get clingy, but be natural and do what your heart tells you to and that your brain approves. Don't launch into full-scale power play, I guess I'm not the only one for who that would be a total turn-off.

SarahSassy

Well my point was that if she replies saying 'thats great, talk to you then', then wait to hear from him and dont keep nipping at him.

Games are not fun but he knows she wants to see him, he has suggested when and she has replied great.... Elementary courtship....

Katgurl

SarahSassy wrote: »

Well my point was that if she replies saying 'thats great, talk to you then', then wait to hear from him and dont keep nipping at him.

Games are not fun but he knows she wants to see him, he has suggested when and she has replied great.... Elementary courtship....

Agree 100%

John Mason

Oh for god sake, pick the phone and RING HIM. i know this is novel concept but it does work

Text messages are the work of satan. stop using them

Aurora Borealis

I really think it's best to just be natural when it comes to things like this. I mean what is the point in the whole game playing "rules" stuff. If you like someone you do and there's no shame in texting to see if they'd be into meeting up especially post date. My view is if it works it works and if someone is put off by you being proactive if you like them then they're maybe not your type.

Every time you meet a person it's different so just go with what feels right. He knows you are interested now so yeah reply to his text along the lines of looking forward to it and then just relax and see what happens.