Outshone

LegacyUser

Hi, I'm a happy go lucky person as a rule, but time and time again I feel, for want of a better word outshone by everyone around me. My friends, my sisters, and pretty much strangers on the street.. I'm good fun, I'm witty and I'm generally happy, but this has started to get on top of me, I feel that my boyfriend would rather be with all of the above when they're around, and that everyone is more successful and happy and content than I am, I know I can be a jealous bitch sometimes and believe me this is not something I like about myself and try to control as best I can. I know it sounds like I'm massively insecure, but I don't see myself this way, sure I have my moments, but usually I can be objective and see my good points, and generally like myself, so I'm at a loss to explain these horrible feelings.. Anybody else get this? Anybody else know the best way to deal with it?

LegacyUser

Wow, you have described me completely, it's the most horrible feeling in the world. I love being happy, laughing, going out, I'm an extremely bubbly person, and yet, I feel like I am always trying to please everyone, I'm convinced that my husband would rather someone completely different to me. I can't give you any advice tbh but just wanted to let you know that you're not alone!!!

Humria

It sounds like you have low self-esteem OP, that would explain the jealousy too. Your boyfriend wants to be with YOU, if he didn't he wouldn't be your boyfriend. You have listed some really good qualities you have. You need to focus more on your good points and stop comparing yourself to everyone else. That is easier said than done I know, but it's worth a try. Try making a list of all your good qualities and all the things that you like about yourself and remember that list when you are feeling a bit.

St Bill

I've a friend just like you OP, and for years I was on the receiving end of her insecurities which was not a pleasant experience. (I called a halt to it at last).
Maybe if you realise the effect you have on the people closest to you it might give you the push you need to nip these feelings in the bud. Easier said than done I know, but it might be worth a try.
Good luck

cantdecide

When you have self esteem issues, you don't live your life in the pits of depression as a result as you might think. It seems you aren't in the doldrums so tell your BF that you've been feeling this way, unburdening yourself alone will probably help you enormously

LegacyUser

i used to be the same as you OP and mostly i still am. I would see someone in a pub surrounded by people and i would think 'wow that guy has loads of friends' and i would feel inferior it wouldnt occur to me that they are just acquaintances and he or she might not know them that well


But the the thing its your viewpoint that is wrong. Imagine that you have all the things these other people have eg fast car, looks, humour, good at sports, good job etc you still wont be happy. Think about someone you think has everything now externally this person might be successfull but you dont know how happy they are or their circumstances. I am not trying to put anyone down i am just saying dont be awe struck by people and assume they have everything