funniest chat up lines ever used on you?

spinandscribble

alright now my housemates have been making me laugh all week over these.

the only one i heard that would actually charm me so far is this:

marches up to table/bar ect. grabs ice from glass. slams it down in front of you. "...now that i've broken the ice, what is your name?"

i think its the amount of balls it would take to potentially scare her off that interests me.


Then i began thinking of funny incidents on nights out.

any other funny stories out there?

watna

This guy walked up to me in a club (a good few years ago now) and said "you look like you'd be a good kisser". So I showed him! (I beieve there was more talking before that but it was a while ago!).

I wonder did he use it loads after that thinking that it works!

Boston

"I've lube, butts plugs and dildos back at my apartments" : Jul*s

Crumble Froo

"you know, i've never kissed a girl with a lip ring before"

man, he tried that one from every angle. 'im not single' apparently isnt an appropriate answer :rolleyes:

another one just tried 'carpe diem' about a gazillion times, quite funny really. he, at least, took the rejection well, and didnt just pretend i didnt exist and go off to find the next chick he reckoned he'd a chance with... good guy

newballsplease

i go up to a girl, try it on, she says: 'ive a boyfriend', i say, ' i dont mind sharing'!!

feylya

"you'll do"

cuckoo

"my wife is pregnant, want to help me celebrate?"

It did get a laugh from me, one of absolute confusion though....

cormie

I got a straight up no beating around the bush "Hi, my friend wants to know will you have a one night stand with her". I had to laugh:eek:

hollypink

Said to my friend not me:

foreign guy approaches, "is your father a mechanic?"

my friend "huh?"

foreign guy "because that is the most finely tuned body I've ever seen"

how we laughed

4zn76tysfajdxp

cormie wrote: »

I had to laugh:eek:

Now remember, just because he was nice to you that night doesn't mean you had to do anything you didn't want to do. Know your rights.

cormie

Eh?? lol, don't get ya!

homerun_homer

Funniest one to get my attention was one Stephen's Night when I asked a girl I knew if she wanted to do a shot, we get to the bar and I said "What shot do you want?".

"I want a shot of you"

Followed by lots of making out:D

Funniest one I heard someone else use on a girl was;
Guy goes up to random girl at the bar - "I don't know who my dad is"
Girl - "Why Are you telling me this?"
Guy - "Because I hear girls love bastards"

Not sure if he pulled.

LightningBolt

Girl to moi: If you were a door I'd bang you all night!

It worked.

sam34

i'm sure i've posted this on another thread ages ago

years ago, when the corrs were at the height of their fame and every guy fancied the girls, a fella came up to me in a club and said " you look really like one of the corrs". of course i was delighted and immediately asked "which one?". to which he replied.... "jim"
!!

from elation to deflaion in one fell swoop!

i still scored him though (he was hot, i couldnt resist)

Nevyn

"Are you are screamer , cos you look like you might be, not that I mind
it's just that I don't remember where I put my ball gag and my housemates might mind."

GirlInterrupted

From last night:


'' I could eat every stitch off you, and just leave the boots on... ''

Charming!

cormie

Hope you kicked his ass G :P

WP is about to be done I sweeear!

GirlInterrupted

cormie wrote: »

Hope you kicked his ass G :P

WP is about to be done I sweeear!

I blushed seven shades of red .

yeah, right!

LolaLuv

This isn't exactly a chat-up line, but I've laughed every time I thought about it since it happened...a couple of weeks ago this incredibly drunk guy grabbed a handful of my hair, started petting it, and said "So soft, so soft. I'm going to make something out of this." :eek::eek:

CoachBoone

PillyPen wrote: »

This isn't exactly a chat-up line, but I've laughed every time I thought about it since it happened...a couple of weeks ago this incredibly drunk guy grabbed a handful of my hair, started petting it, and said "So soft, so soft. I'm going to make something out of this." :eek::eek:

This made me lol.

Funniest thing Ive heard and it was more arrogance than a genuine chat up line but, my incredibly desperate sleazy mate to a girl one night

"Wanna come back to mine?"

"No, sorry eh, Ive got a boyfriend"

"Thats a pity...not a problem"

She just stared at his big ugly drunken head and walked off.

sprinklesspanky

newballsplease wrote: »

i go up to a girl, try it on, she says: 'ive a boyfriend', i say, ' i dont mind sharing'!!

I think I've seen you out on the town.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UorXVqVVURM

minidazzler

CoachBoone wrote: »

This made me lol.

Funniest thing Ive heard and it was more arrogance than a genuine chat up line but, my incredibly desperate sleazy mate to a girl one night

"Wanna come back to mine?"

"No, sorry eh, Ive got a boyfriend"

"Thats a pity...not a problem"

She just stared at his big ugly drunken head and walked off.

Sleazy yes, Brilliant....Definitely!!!!!! That's hilarious.


The fastest and funniest I ever used, "Hi. I'm Gavin" It worked. Just like that.

cson

homerun_homer wrote: »

Funniest one to get my attention was one Stephen's Night when I asked a girl I knew if she wanted to do a shot, we get to the bar and I said "What shot do you want?".

"I want a shot of you"

Thats fooking brilliant

The trusty Polar bear rarely fails me!

"How much does a polar bear weigh?.....>Enough to break the ice!"

Or if they, as some of them do, know it already and say "enough to break the ice" you reply with "Nah, bout 200kg's"

Pyr0

cson wrote: »

Thats fooking brilliant

The trusty Polar bear rarely fails me!

"How much does a polar bear weigh?.....>Enough to break the ice!"

Or if they, as some of them do, know it already and say "enough to break the ice" you reply with "Nah, bout 200kg's"

That is the smoothest cover line I've ever heard !

Hahahaha !

bUILDERtHEbOB

Me: 'Will you get off with me?'

Her: 'WHAT?'

Me: 'WHAT?'

Then she raped me.

4zn76tysfajdxp

bUILDERtHEbOB wrote: »

Me: 'Will you get off with me?'

Her: 'WHAT?'

Me: 'WHAT?'

Then she raped me.

Liar.

Nevyn

bUILDERtHEbOB wrote: »

Me: 'Will you get off with me?'

Her: 'WHAT?'

Me: 'WHAT?'

Then she raped me.

Post reported.

Jules

Builderthebob banned for a week. Jokes about rape are not allowed.

Futurecrook

Drunk guy staring at my bewbs: "So how did you escape from the Playboy mansion...?"

Me: "Like this..." *walks away*


Another night I was playing at a trad session in town (I play the flute) when I hear this voice in my ear saying, "so will you play my flute sometime?" Sleazy and obvious but it made me laugh. So it worked. (It may have also helped that the guy who said it was gorgeous...)

quinevere

hi did you know the tonugue is the strongest muscle in the body

want to work it out

Caballe

Well its definitely not the wittiest but memorable...

Him: Would it be ok if I chatted you up?

Hmmmmm :rolleyes: Que awkward silence and a chat about how best to approach women. I like to think i helped him out for future efforts.

line_of_fire

funniest one i have heard in a while is" you have lovely legs what time do they open at?"

Dublin_Andy

i was in copper face jacks during the summer and this northern ireland girl came up to me at the bar and she says...

nice shoes...wanna f**k?? :pac:

i thought that was a line guys would only use... obviously not

4zn76tysfajdxp

Dublin_Andy wrote: »

i was in copper face jacks during the summer and this northern ireland girl came up to me at the bar and she says...

nice shoes...wanna f**k?? :pac:

i thought that was a line guys would only use... obviously not

As if a man would ever say "nice shoes." :rolleyes:

litup

Him - 'Are you wearing those fake eyelash things?'

Me - 'No, they are real'

Him - 'No way, the can't be.'

Me - 'Really, I'm not wearing fake ones'

Him - 'Show me'

Que me closing my eyes to show him. Que him planting one on the lips while my eyes are closed!

Made me laugh!

LolaLuv

litup wrote: »

Him - 'Are you wearing those fake eyelash things?'

Me - 'No, they are real'

Him - 'No way, the can't be.'

Me - 'Really, I'm not wearing fake ones'

Him - 'Show me'

Que me closing my eyes to show him. Que him planting one on the lips while my eyes are closed!

Made me laugh!

I think that one's cute!

patrickSTARR

thats face rape

4zn76tysfajdxp

Sigh....reported.

patrickSTARR

tell me ur having a laugh

seanybiker

strangest i ever got was. "hey you getting on that bike" me "what" her "i live near the harley shop.ya wanna come back to mine"
I think i was supposed to find it amazing she lived by a bloody hardly davidson shop. Worked though lol

Stheno

patrickSTARR wrote: »

tell me ur having a laugh

Probably not see post 7 of the charter.

I can't remember any chat up lines

patrickSTARR

face rape is a slang term for being kissed and not wanting to be kissed! its nothing to do with actual rape, jesus, i didnt mean any offence but cleary it been caused!

coffey-16

"youd make a good parking ticket because youve got fine written all over ya"

"are you a library book because im checking you out"

cherryghost

my house is not far from here. my house also has a room. that room also has a bed. wanna have sex?

LolaLuv

cherryghost wrote: »

my house is not far from here. my house also has a room. that room also has a bed. wanna have sex?

Did someone actually say that to you??

cherryghost

PillyPen wrote: »

Did someone actually say that to you??

yep. was quite scary actually. drink can make people say the strangest things...

LolaLuv

cherryghost wrote: »

yep. was quite scary actually. drink can make people say the strangest things...

Eew!! Drinks and general creepiness, I suppose.

banshee_bones

recently, as in the past 4 weeks, me and my friend got the exact same line (?) like from two a small group of lads at two different ends of the country1

'you two look like the soundest girls in here'

then after some polite chit chat we were told that we actually WERE THEE two soundest girls in the place.

Frogdog

I've two good ones I use, they always get a laugh out of girls. I don't think chat up lines are designed for the person to get a score, more to break the ice and get a laugh.

1.
Me: What's the difference between a Ferrari and a horn?
Girl: Dunno.
Me: I don't have a Ferrari.

2.
Me: What winks and has sex like a tiger?
Girl: Dunno.
Me: *winks*

LolaDub

Guy: I'm Fred Flinstone
Me : /looking for nearest exit
Guy : I can make your bed rock
Me : /leaves to rip the p!ss out of the guy with my friends

I had another one where a guy told me i was an aphrodisiac and he would be thinking of me when he had sex later but as that wasn't fair to another girl it should be me he would be having sex with-and he actually expected me to swoon????:rolleyes:

homerun_homer

LolaDub wrote: »

Guy: I'm Fred Flinstone
Me : /looking for nearest exit
Guy : I can make your bed rock
Me : /leaves to rip the p!ss out of the guy with my friends

I had another one where a guy told me i was an aphrodisiac and he would be thinking of me when he had sex later but as that wasn't fair to another girl it should be me he would be having sex with-and he actually expected me to swoon????:rolleyes:

Wow..he's such a charmer. How can you refuse:pac:
Thankfully I don't use chat up lines. It'd make the hangover worse thinking how cheesey the lines you used the night before were.