I don't get her..

LegacyUser

Hi all.
I'm 20, male, from north dublin. Been with this girl for a few years now.
And I really need help in finding if there is a deeper meaning behind this situation...

The other day, she texts me saying "are you mad at me" ? Why? I do not know. This doesn't happen often, but it has happend at least once before. So after rattling my brain for a few minutes, trying to figure out why she has come up with this, I txt her back saying of course not, why would I be. Turns out she was "just checking" and that was pretty much the end of it.

Fair enough, I had not talked or txt her for the entire day before, but I was busy with work - don't think I txt anyone that day!

Do you think that she's just paro coz i didn't talk to her for one day?
Is there a trust issue or something deeper like that behind it all?
Is there any girls out there that do the same thing that maybe could shed some light on it?

Thanks,

JK.

PurpleFistMixer

It depends what you're normally like... if you text all the time and then don't for a whole day it'd be fairly confusing.
Also it's hard to gauge someone's emotion unless you're actually speaking with them, so it's a fair enough question to ask. That that was all she asked and didn't engage you in conversation is a bit weird I suppose, but I wouldn't really too deeply into it.

jen_23

Hhhhmmmmm I think it was most likely as she hadn't heard from you the entire day before.
How did she know you had been busy with work? She couldn't have you didn't tell her duh...


Us girls do like our b/fs to show they care, even a simple text on your busy days saying youre busy will suffice.
If you have a lot of days where there is no contact between ye I would question that.....

cantdecide

You're going to have to find out why she said this. It's probably a good idea to tell her that you're worried that it might be some behavioral thing that you did that not aware you're doing that you want to avoid.

Curvy Vixen

Texting again...I hate it :rolleyes:

If you are

with her for a few years now

, would you not ask her face to face, verbally, exactly why she asked and then just explain that sometimes you're too busy to text.

Have you not texted her before when you've been arguing, sulking, whatever? Maybe she thought you were at it again.

Tbh, if someone texted me a good bit daily and a whole day went by with nothing then yes, I would think there was something wrong with them...

McGinty

Do you think that she's just paro coz i didn't talk to her for one day?
Is there a trust issue or something deeper like that behind it all?
Is there any girls out there that do the same thing that maybe could shed some light on it?

In relation to your first question - the answer is yes, if you normally text, see she probably equates the text with you thinking of her, no text and she thinks you are mad at her, irrational but true.

As to your second question, I cannot answer that, but I will pose this question, does she normally need a lot of reassurance, if yes, then she probably gets bouts of insecurity.

In relation to your third question, I am a woman (can't say girl anymore, Im too old) but from my experience women tend to look at the way a man behaves, in other words we look at actions and words, so if we think you are not acting in a way that is loving, we tend to personalise it, now it could be totally innocent, like you being busy in work, etc, but for a lot of women we think it is us, now thank god Im older, I can rationalise about these things, but I do remember my 20 year old self (thank god we had no mobiles then :-) and yes I would have probably reacted like your girlfriend, it may help her to say to her that you may not always text cos your busy at work etc, but that you still care for her.

LegacyUser

I had this before- its down to insecurity (or neediness as its sometimes called). Like you i was seeing a girl who, if she didnt hear from me, she assumed I had lost interest in her. I was in college lectures one day and had my phone turned off all day- by the time i tuned it on she had sent me so many texts that she had actually gone through a full conversation with herself- it started off with the "are you mad with me stuff" few of those, then she had obviously gotten angry and sent some texts giving out to me, then she obviously regretted them and sent me texts about how sorry she was, then she sent me texts about how insecure she was and how we could talk and move on from all of it- all one the one day and without a single response from me.


Only thing you can do is talk to her about it asap cos if it keeps happening then it will wear very thin very soon and cause big problems

LegacyUser

Thanks all! Nothing to worry about so!

It does really highlight that women are the selfish lovers in a relationship, not men. Not that I don't care, but I do not expect here to be on the end of a phone for me 24/7, you know.


Thanks,

JK.

jen_23

JoeyK wrote: »

Thanks all! Nothing to worry about so!

It does really highlight that women are the selfish lovers in a relationship, not men.
JK.

You have no idea what you just started by that statement do you !

TripleAce

Oh women..... why can't A=A one time....

Gyalist

JoeyK wrote: »

Thanks all! Nothing to worry about so!

That depends on whether you find her insecurity to be something that you can live with.

LegacyUser

Gyalist wrote: »

That depends on whether you find her insecurity to be something that you can live with.

Well, tbh, because of here, I am a changed man for the better.
If I can help her feel more secure in this relationship, then hey, it's not even an issue. It's something I'd want to do no matter what because that's what commitment means to me.

johndaman66

JoeyK wrote: »

Hi all.
The other day, she texts me saying "are you mad at me" ? Why? I do not know.

The one thing Im a small bit surprised at that nobody suggested is that maybe she did something wrong? Like cheated on you? Well I know thats what Id be asking myself. Think that whatever women say about fellas, womens logic and actions can be very peculiar at times. As oppossed to telling you what happened and then saying are you mad at me she may just say "are you mad at me"? and if you say of course not as perhaps she expects then everything is alright in her mind. I know that doesn't make a whole lot of sense perhaps but as I say women can be peculiar.

Not to be causing you unnecessary anguish either but just throwing the possibility out at you.

anonymous_joe

My ex used to take offence at remarkably small things.

But she also held herself to the same 'high' standards, she'd panic over tiny things. Like she was sick one day and we couldn't go out, and she was almost hysterical because she thought I'd be mad with her over it.

Some people are just like that.

Annie Bananie

Ah I can ask my bf the same

It's when he does not text me for a whole day (which he normally does) and when we speak at night seems a bit distant or does not say much at all (he is usually chatty, call me 'sweetie' a lot and pays attention).

So I simply ask him 'are you ok?' or 'are you upset with me in any way?' or 'are you mad at me for any reason?'. Then he always sounds very surprised and ask me 'No, why?' or 'Yes Im fine'. So I tell him that he hasnt text me all day or that he seems a bit distant to me. Then he always smiles and explains its because he has been very busy all day or are tired or has his mind on some other things.

Why I ask this is because I am not afraid of confrontations and Im a believer of good communication and hate assumptions. Its not because Im paranoid or unsecure. I just like to solve things asap if there is a problem and Im willing to take the first step and ask if I think there might be a problem. Sometimes if you are annoyed its hard to say the first words to start a discussion, so its just my way of helping out starting the conversation, if one is needed.

Did this make sense to anyone? lol

Well Im sure she just wondered cause she hadnt heard from you in a while, which she usually does.