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Few Jokes

  • 11-12-2008 8:12pm
    #1
    chaotic_vr
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 63 ✭✭



    In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran, his lungs burned for lack of oxygen, his heart pounding so hard he felt like it would burst out of his chest.
    Then suddenly, he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear Lord! Please give this bear some religion!"
    The skies darkened, and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.
    Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky, kneeled and said, "Thank you, Lord, for this food I'm about to receive...."

    A little old lady was selling sea shells on a street corner across from the beach one day. A well-dressed man passed by her. She grabbed his arm and asked, "How about some nice seashells?"
    "No, thank you," the man replied.
    Suddenly, the woman clutched her throat and fell to the pavement.
    "What's wrong?" asked the man.
    "I think this might be it for me," the old woman whispered. "Please buy some of my seashells."
    Deeply touched, the man bought all her shells. He handed her the money. A moment later, she lay down on the sidewalk and her eyes slid peacefully shut.
    The next day the man was walking down the same street and once again saw the woman vending her sea shells.
    He walked up to a police officer. "I thought she passed away yesterday," the man said. "I was here. I bought all her shells just before it happened!"
    The officer smiled knowingly. "Ah, you were conned, my friend," he replied. "You see, she sells seashells by the seizure."

    A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

    He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.

    A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

    She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

    He answers, "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; 'cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper.

    So, I figure if I have to roll my own . . . so does she "


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