Craving intimacy

LegacyUser

I’ve felt this way for a long time and it’s consuming me. Basically I'm craving the intimacy of another person, no one in particular, just someone/anyone.

I’ve had a few relationships in the past but they fell apart because of a lack of intimacy/ couple time.

This feeling makes me very depressed and upset about life.

To compensate I’ve had quite a few one-night stands and FWB situations. But I inevitably end up feeling worse afterwards.

I just don't know what to do. Whenever someone is interested in me I seem to throw myself at them and act in a way that would definitely be considered 'desperate'. Or if I'm not sure how they feel, I act very friendly and non-flirty and they never see me as anything more than a friend.

Has anyone felt like this? How did you overcome these feelings? Do you have any advice?

If it makes a difference, I have plenty of friends and am close with my family. I also have some self-esteem issues and can be very shy at times.

Shy?!

Hey. I've a couple of questions before I can comment...how old are you and are you female? You are female aren't you? I hope I don't sound patronising. I'm so not. I'm female too.

Terodil

Why would it make a difference if the OP is female? And I wonder what makes you suspect so strongly that s/he is.

OP: I know the feeling. Just make sure to go slow and don't drown people with your presence. There's an unwritten 'escalation path' so to speak, from more intensive-than-normal eye contact via gentle, 'accidental' touches with fingertips up to full cuddling and possibly more. It's built into us, as much as the idea of the 'personal sphere' is. Jump too many steps and you'll appear desperate = turn-off for most.

... or did I miss the question?

cantdecide

I feel for you, OP. Craving intimacy is another one of those cruel afflictions where the more you need it, the less likely you are to get it.

[Jackass]

Shy?! wrote: »

Hey. I've a couple of questions before I can comment...how old are you and are you female? You are female aren't you? I hope I don't sound patronising. I'm so not. I'm female too.

I would have more gone along the lines of a guy, but how could you possibly tell from those few details??

OP it's a difficult situation alright. Having come out of a very intimiate relationship myself not so long ago the long cold dark nights can be very lonely indeed.

What age are you? It may just be that you haven't met somebody right for you yet, but you will eventually.

One thing you REALLY need to work on though is your relationship skills. Learn "the game". The sad truth about it is some (most?) people, whether they know it or not, don't look for anything serious in a relationship to begin with. Initially it's a few dates laid back and having some fun...it is very gradual before it gets to a deeper level or even extremely intimate.

You have to learn to control yourself and enjoy the company. You've gone this long without the intimacy, when the situation arises that you like someone and would like to have that with them, sit back and think to yourself "if it's going to happen, it will" but don't chase too hard or you'll scare them away.

Take things slow and get to know the person first. They will like you, then the deeper, more meaningful stuff follows naturally, you don't have to force it.

LegacyUser

It doesn't make a difference if male or female as such. I just think women are more sensitive and talk about how they want to be loved more. I would have been able to reply better had I known with the questions I asked.

LegacyUser

OP here,

Yes, Female. if that makes a difference. Early twenties.

Terodil: yes I understand what you are saying. The problem is that I know the way I act is inappropriate for the possible relationship I want. I can, for example, plan out in my head how I would like to handle a situation in the way you described, but when it comes down to it, the instinct to rush ahead overrides the logic of taking it slow.

cantdecide: yes, I I think you are right. That is the sort of response I have gotten from friends when casually talking about my situation.

[Jackass]: The problem is that I usually do take it far too slowly with new people and become the 'friend'. But when I try even a bit to be flirty it turns into a big mess. thanks alot for the response, lots to think about.