How many of the Commandments have you broken?

The_Minister

We did the seven deadly sins a few months back, now lets do:
The Ten Commandments
1You shall have no other gods before Me.

2You shall not make a graven image for you, any likeness of anything in the heavens above, or in the earth beneath, and in the waters from under the earth. 9You shall not bow yourself to them nor serve them, for I, Jehovah your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of fathers on sons, and on the third, and on the fourth generation of those that hate Me, 10and doing kindness to thousands of those who love Me and keep My commandments.

3You shall not take the name of Jehovah your God in vain; for Jehovah will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.

4Observe the sabbath day, to keep it holy, as Jehovah your God has commanded you. 13Six days you shall labor, and shall do all your work, 14And the seventh day shall be a sabbath to Jehovah your God. You shall not do any work, you nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male slave, nor your female slave, nor your ox, nor your ass, nor any of your livestock, nor your stranger that is within your gates; so that your male slave and your female slave may rest like yourself. 15And remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and Jehovah your God brought you out from there by a mighty hand and by a stretched out arm. On account of this Jehovah your God has commanded you to keep the sabbath day.

5Honor your father and your mother, as Jehovah your God has commanded you, so that your days may be prolonged, and so that it may be well with you in the land which Jehovah your God is giving to you.

6You shall not commit murder.

7And you shall not commit adultery.

8And you shall not steal.

9And you shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

10You shall not lust after your neighbor's wife; nor shall you covet your neighbor's house, his field, nor his male slave, nor his female slave, his ox, nor his ass, nor anything which is your neighbor's.

3,4,5,8,10.
I have broken a full half of the commandments:eek:

Good thing I'm not too religious.

Quazzie

All

Frisbee

3, 4, 5, 8, and 10 aswell

jim o doom

7 & 6 are the only ones I HAVEN'T broken. I am TOTALLY fooked if all this religion nonsense turns out to be true. Oh well

orestes

9 or 10, depends on your definition of murder.

Quazzie

Nice to know none of ye have ever said anything bad about your neighbours.. good christian folk that ye are

whiskeyman

Fixed it for you...

The_Minister wrote: »

7 And you shall not commit adultery, except with yore ma.

jim o doom

orestes wrote: »

9 or 10, depends on your definition of murder.

I'd be going with people. the whole vegetarian meat is murder is just a smoke screen to try and push a horrible image scare people in to being "good". pah, meat is tasty, let the slaughter continue

orestes

jim o doom wrote: »

I'd be going with people. the whole vegetarian meat is murder is just a smoke screen to try and push a horrible image scare people in to being "good". pah, meat is tasty, let the slaughter continue

9 it is then.

Galvasean

The Commandments wrote:

1You shall have no other gods before Me.

Hmmm, I don't believe in any Gods so i guess no I havent broken this one.

The Commandments wrote:

2You shall not make a graven image for you, any likeness of anything in the heavens above,

I once made an origami swan. Does that count?

The Commandments wrote:

3You shall not take the name of Jehovah your God in vain; for Jehovah will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.

Jesus Christ, you won't let me have any fun!

The Commandments wrote:

4Observe the sabbath day, to keep it holy,

Of course Christians say the Sabbath day is Sunday. Jews say it's Saturday. I can't be playing favorites now can I?

The Commandments wrote:

5Honor your father and your mother,

On their honor I shall avenge my parents!

The Commandments wrote:

6You shall not commit murder.

Well there goes my plan for #5.

The Commandments wrote:

7And you shall not commit adultery.

If they arent married is it technically 'adultery'?

The Commandments wrote:

8And you shall not steal.

Yoink!

The Commandments wrote:

9And you shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

It was him.

The Commandments wrote:

10You shall not lust after your neighbor's wife; nor shall you covet your neighbor's house, his field, nor his male slave, nor his female slave, his ox, nor his ass, nor anything which is your neighbor's.

Huh.. huh... you said ass..

The_Minister

False witness means a legal situation right?

And your actual neighbour, right? RIGHT?


EDIT: Does Number 2 ban pictures of angels? Cause we drew them in school. If so, then that is six.

Quazzie

orestes wrote: »

9 it is then.

Isn't you sig a violation of #3

Also Starring LeVar Burton

I've broken 8.
Any volunteers to help me break numbers 6 & 7? PM me if you'd like to help.

ejmaztec

15.

Turd Ferguson

The_Minister wrote: »

3You shall not take the name of Jehovah your God in vain; for Jehovah will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.

He said Jehovah!!!!

jim o doom

ejmaztec wrote: »

15.

Ohhh - you broke the five SECRET commandments? coooooooool

Krieg

Jehova! Jehova!

Also Starring LeVar Burton

ejmaztec wrote: »

15.

Do you unlock the other 5 when you've completed the other 10 and fight the boss???

Turd Ferguson

jim o doom wrote: »

Ohhh - you broke the five SECRET commandments? coooooooool

11 Thou shalt not insert foreign objects into thy rectum

12 Thou shalt not pleasure thyself while thinking of Micky Rooney

13 Thou shalt not lick thy windows

14 Thou shalt not touch this

15 Thou shalt not make thy beast with 2 back with thy sister

orestes

Q2002 wrote: »

Isn't you sig a violation of #3

I meant I've broken nine of them, not that I broke commandment no. 9

Cheers for reminding me about the sig though, forgot to change that after the comedy night was over

Turd Ferguson wrote: »

11 Thou shalt not insert foreign objects into thy rectum

12 Thou shalt not pleasure thyself while thinking of Micky Rooney

13 Thou shalt not lick thy windows

14 Thou shalt not touch this

15 Thou shalt not make thy beast with 2 back with thy sister

Ok, I'm up to 12 now

ejmaztec

CaptainNegative wrote: »

Do you unlock the other 5 when you've completed the other 10 and fight the boss???

No, you have to find the golden trumpet and shove it up yer hole before walking backwards around the Red Cow Roundabout. You will them be enlightened.

Nichololas

The_Minister wrote: »

1You shall have no other gods before Me.

What's my situation vis-a-vis atheism and this commandment? I don't have any other gods before Him, they're all pretty much on the same level ..

Other than that I only managed a measly 3 broken commandments

Biggins

I refuse to answer on the grounds that it might indite me - or at least come back to haunt me when I run for election!

Zaph

I always thought they were more like guidelines than actual rules.

Smart Bug

I dunno about the commandments, but I have broken yore Ma.

Terry

Zaph wrote: »

I always thought they were more like guidelines than actual rules.

Me too.
That or Moses ate some funny cactus in the desert and halucinated.

The_Minister wrote: »

False witness means a legal situation right?

And your actual neighbour, right? RIGHT?

I thought it was about lying to your neighbours and I don't think it means neighbours as in the next door sense. I got the feeling it meant anyone you ever encountered.

Anyway, with my own interpretation, I've broken all bar the murder one. Unless pulling the plug (Legally) is included. Then I've done all ten.

Agent Smith

not enough

Prof.Badass

The_Minister wrote: »

10You shall not lust after your neighbor's wife; nor shall you covet your neighbor's house, his field, nor his male slave, nor his female slave, his ox, nor his ass, nor anything which is your neighbor's.

Galvasean wrote: »

Huh.. huh... you said ass..

+1.

giggsy664

jim o doom wrote: »

7 & 6 are the only ones I HAVEN'T broken. I am TOTALLY fooked if all this religion nonsense turns out to be true. Oh well

Oh god we're fooked

Prof.Badass

golden calf ftw!

chin_grin

Well I had it on video for a while but then DVD came in and replaced all that. That was thrown out. Then broke a few DVD's of it, so had to rebuy each time. Oh wait THE COMMANDMENTS. My bad.

stovelid

The_Minister wrote: »

You shall not lust after your neighbor's wife; nor shall you covet your neighbor's house, his field, nor his male slave, nor his female slave, his ox, nor his ass, nor anything which is your neighbor's.

How did this one slip past the Vatican?

Nehaxak

Yeah and it's spelt arse anyway, bloody Americans.

Quickfire

No, you have to find the golden trumpet and shove it up yer hole before walking backwards around the Red Cow Roundabout.

tolosenc

I'm a prod. Ours a different.
:cool:

ewj1978

all of them apart from murder... no wait i've killed spiders..:o

DarkJager

I don't play by anyones rules....not even my own :cool:

ewj1978

erm?..dude...all christians...the same book... unless ur a prod muslim...

Tar.Aldarion

9 of them. I include animals in murder though, some wouldn't. Would be 8 in that case.

embee

Those aren't the Commandents we learned in school, that number 3 is way outta nowhere.

It was

1. I am the lord your god, you shall not have strange gods before me.
2. You shall not take the name of the lord your god in vain.
3. Remember to keep holy the sabbath day.
4. Honour your father and mother.
5. You shall not kill.
6. You shall not steal.
7. You shall not commit adultery.
8. You shall not bear false witness against thy neighbour.
9. You shall not covet your neighbours wife.
10. You shall not covet your neighbours goods.

So anyways,

I've broken just about all of them apart from killing and adultery. I don't really know what "bearing false witness against your neighbour" is, so I'm assuming I've done that too.

DarkJager

embee wrote: »

I've broken just about all of them apart from killing and adultery. I don't really know what "bearing false witness against your neighbour" is, so I'm assuming I've done that too.

I think thats when you tell the gardai that your neighbour is a sex pest who makes obscene gestures at you with his cock when you leave for work in the morning.... I could be wrong though...

ordinary_story

obl wrote: »

I'm a prod. Ours a different.
:cool:

Theres still 10 and there still pretty much the same.
Still 2 out of 10 isnt that bad, it means I only broke 8:D

galwayrush

What about all the heathens going to hell for eating meat on a friday a few years ago:rolleyes:

ChocolateSauce

I can't break number one as I have no gods, I've never murdered.

2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 9, 10.

I've also lusted after my neighbour, and my neighbour's mother.

RoundTower

obl wrote: »

I'm a prod. Ours a different.
:cool:

I think the one in the OP is the prod version.

Jews have a different one as well, they are all the same text except they divide them into 10 differently.