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Simple Home Remedies

  • 10-12-2008 9:38pm
    #1
    kev_s88
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,641 ✭✭✭


    AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

    1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.

    2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

    3. AVOID ARGUMENTS ABOUT THE TOILET SEAT - USE THE SINK.

    4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

    5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

    6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

    7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

    8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.

    9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

    DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.


Comments

  • #2
    Das
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17 ✭Das


    This isn't very funny.


  • #3
    The Bollox
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,372 ✭✭✭The Bollox


    the hammer one and the daily thought one were great :D


  • #4
    patmac
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,602 ✭✭✭patmac


    Das wrote: »
    This isn't very funny.

    Funnier than your jokes, oh wait you don't have any.


  • #5
    Homer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,371 ✭✭✭Homer


    patmac wrote: »
    Funnier than your jokes, oh wait you don't have any.

    Love it pat... The classic patmac comeback :p

    You should trademark that ™


  • #6
    rocky25
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,521 ✭✭✭rocky25


    Love the hammer one.......But it has to a precision hammer :p

    Keep em coming kev_s88 :)


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  • #7
    patmac
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,602 ✭✭✭patmac


    Homer wrote: »
    Love it pat... The classic patmac comeback :p

    You should trademark that ™

    Can't really, like a lot of jokes it was stolen from elsewhere. Mickey Rourke came up with it first but as he doesn't post here anymore someone needs to say something before Hagar comes down hard with the hammer.
    Where is Mickey these days anyway, now he was a cunny funt.


  • #8
    Homer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,371 ✭✭✭Homer


    Send out the search party.. Mickrourke Last Activity: 03-09-2008 17:54

    We leave no man behind! :p


  • #9
    dak
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    patmac wrote: »
    Funnier than your jokes, oh wait you don't have any.

    Vhat isss DAS ?


  • #10
    rocky25
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,521 ✭✭✭rocky25


    Homer wrote: »
    Send out the search party.. Mickrourke Last Activity: 03-09-2008 17:54

    We leave no man behind! :p


    He got Married just after his last post and hasn't been seen since :o

    His honeymoon was in Mumbai :(


  • #11
    Insect Overlord
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,972 Mod ✭✭✭✭Insect Overlord


    Good, clean, wholesome humour. Very good.


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