Homeless man breaks my heart

peanuthead

Hi

Don't even know if this is the right place to post this but I couldn't think of a better place to be honest.

I have recently noticed a shabbily dressed man hanging around my local gym, and had made a mental note not to go anywhere near him. I saw him there almost every night I was there over the last two weeks, and I was starting to wonder why the gym hadn't become suspicious of him hanging around.

However, tonight as I was heading into the gym I saw him laying out his sleeping bag in the corner of the building. My heart broke in two. I am a very sensitive person, more sensitive than I care to be, to be honest, and I am very emotional at the best of times, something else Im not too proud of, but this really affected me tonight. There were tears in my eyes for the first half of the class, and I was only beginning to forget about it when I had to walk out past him again.

The thing that upsets me so much is that I so want to help him, but Im not sure that he would want my help for a start. When I say help, all I could offer would be a hot cup of tea and a meal from McDonalds, but I don't know if this is a good idea or not.

This comes from a really bad experience I had once where I offered something to a homeless person before and they were a lot less than grateful.

What should I do? I just hate the thought of someone being freezing cold and hungry. I hate it.

PeakOutput

sure theres no harm in asking i doubt you will get attacked or anything


having said that and its nothing personal op but i do think gestures like these are fairly empty he will be hungry again tomorrow night but you will for some reason feel better about yourself for ages. the far far better option is to set up some sort of standing order with a homeless charity or even better volunteer with a charity and put your free time were your mouth is and make a sustained effort to help the homeless. either accept that bad things happen to good people and thats life and carry on making the most of your own life or do something that will actually help

peanuthead

PeakOutput wrote: »

sure theres no harm in asking i doubt you will get attacked or anything


having said that and its nothing personal op but i do think gestures like these are fairly empty he will be hungry again tomorrow night

Yes I agree with that, its another reason I am reluctant to go over, what change am I going to make to his life in the long run.

Your idea of getting involved in a homeless shelter/something similar is a good thing.

To be honest, its not about making myself feel better, well at least consciously it's not, its that I genuinely hate to see people on the street. Especially in the cold weather we're having now, and the time of year it is (not that there's ever a good time to be homeless)

LegacyUser

peanuthead wrote: »

Yes I agree with that, its another reason I am reluctant to go over, what change am I going to make to his life in the long run.

Your idea of getting involved in a homeless shelter/something similar is a good thing.

To be honest, its not about making myself feel better, well at least consciously it's not, its that I genuinely hate to see people on the street. Especially in the cold weather we're having now, and the time of year it is (not that there's ever a good time to be homeless)

it sure is sad indeed. i often throw them a couple of quid. sure its gonna probably go on alcohol, but if i was on the street in that weather i would be having some vodka myself. ultimately they are responsible for their own lives and should sort themselves out though. it has to be their decision.

by the way, never give money to the romanian gypsies. they are scam artists, it's all a job to them, they go home at the end of the day and count their cash and sleep in a cushy bed. you never see them shaked up on a cold night

Overheal

Wasnt there a documentary a while ago about a Dublin group that goes around giving hot tea and biscuits to the homeless? You could always track them down for some good advice, both on how to respond to your new friend and how to help others like him. You sound like you'd be very receptive to that kind of charity work, even if its only a few times a year.

try http://homelessdublin.org or http://www.dublincity.ie/Housing/Homeless/Pages/HomelessServicesList.aspx

You can use those directories to help find him a bed.

MagicMarker

PeakOutput wrote: »

having said that and its nothing personal op but i do think gestures like these are fairly empty he will be hungry again tomorrow night

Literally speaking, this is true. But I think the gesture itself is worth a lot more than the food ever will be.

EamonnKeane

The best thing to do would be to tell the Simon Community so he can draw on their services. Call 01 872 0185 and give them the address.

Trinity

He may be hungry again tomorrow night but i would say he will be a sight more hungry if he doesnt have food in his belly tonight but i know what you mean peakoutput.

Op do what feels right. But point him in the direction of a shelter too if you can. One meal in a week is not good enough and he cant depend on the kindness of strangers as its not always forthcoming. Its not your responsibility either but if you can get him an address of where to go and even a bus ticket instead of cash.

I take my rabbit in in this weather so of course its heartbreaking to think of another human being out freezing and hungry.

I have been thinking of doing this kind of voluntary work a long time myself and no better time to start than this weather.

sunnyside

peanuthead wrote: »

My heart broke in two. I am a very sensitive person, more sensitive than I care to be, to be honest, and I am very emotional at the best of times, something else Im not too proud of, but this really affected me tonight. .

You sound so nice and caring and I don't mean to discourage you but I want to point out that somebody who is likely to get very emotionally involved isn't always the best at volunteer work. You need to be a bit detatched to get on with the job sometimes.

In$omniac

The thoughts of anyone sleeping outdoors in this weather saddens me

I remember going into a shop before and buying a sandwich and hot cuppa tae and bringing it out to an old man huddled up at a doorway, he wasn't sober enough to say thank you but did nod me a thank you with a smile!
Best I could offer him then.

Trinity

In$omniac wrote: »

The thoughts of anyone sleeping outdoors in this weather saddens me

I remember going into a shop before and buying a sandwich and hot cuppa tae and bringing it out to an old man huddled up at a doorway, he wasn't sober enough to say thank you but did nod me a thank you with a smile!
Best I could offer him then.

I remember some posh bint in town one night lecturing an old man in sleeping bag about get a job ok in the most condescending tone i ever heard thought she was mother fcuking teresa. DOne up to the nines locked drunk.

I was so fcuking mad i told her what the man needed was a warm drink and some food. I told her to come out sober in daylight with her lectures and went in and got him tea and a sandwich. I'm no mother teresa either but there is a time and a place. This cnut thought she was a hero at 3am.

ergonomics

OP if you decide to give him food don't be disheartened if he refuses it and asks for money instead.

I was living in Glasgow this time last year. I was happily out one day doing my Christmas shopping when I noticed this homeless guy with blood all over around his mouth. I rang an ambulance and unfortunately he had passed away. I was in bits as he had died on one of the busiest streets in Glasgow while every just walked by without a blind bit of notice. I vowed that I would not let it happen again. First I approached some homeless people with food. They didn't want it, they just wanted money because they generally have addiction problems and would rather feed that. I was moving back to Ireland so I offered my bedding (pillows, double duvet) to homeless shelters. Again no one wanted them in case 'they caught something' and would rather the money to buy new ones. I know it's the way it has to be but it really upset me and I know you'll probably feel the same. Do want you can but don't let it break your heart if it's not accepted.

dudara

I remember seeing a well-dressed woman go into Fallon & Byrne one day, and come out with a posh sandwich which she then gave to the homeless woman outside, while saying that it she preferred to give the homeless food rather than give them money which they'd waste on drugs.

That's the problem with charity - it's hard to get it right. What you may think is appropriate may be completely inappropriate to the person you're trying to help.

However, I know exactly where you're coming from. I give money frequently to homeless people on the street - often €5-10 a go. Why? Because I'm affluent enough by our standards (finally) and these people need some cash. It's easy to imagine how someone could lose their job, and possibly their home and family, ending up on the streets. We might see a lot more of it shortly.

Don't feel bad for being sensitive. It shows that you are perceptive and not willing to ignore the ills of our society.

BraziliaNZ

yeah this is weird, there's a homeless guy living outside my gym too, but i'm in perth, australia. I feel really bad for the dude I mean he's barefoot, hair is in knots, looks like he hasn't washed in years, and is obviously mental. Why don't people help them? I mean I can't find any numbers here as to where to report his situation, surely mental people who are homeless should be looked after before bloody able bodied sheltered people looking for handouts from the government? Breaks my heart seeing this guy I tell you.

LegacyUser

OP, I often feel the same as you when I see people in situations like that. I want to help but as said above most things I can do to help are empty gestures. Food and a hot drink will only go so far. Last year I had an idea that I thought was a good one. Again it's a small gesture in the grand scheme of things but I used to buy a hat and gloves for a few homeless people I'd see regularly on my way to college. I felt they really appreciated it. It's only a few quid and they'll definitely hang on to them for the winter months. It's not something they'd necessarily buy themselves if given money but I'd definitely appreciate it if I was in their position. Just an idea.

Overheal

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

yeah this is weird, there's a homeless guy living outside my gym too, but i'm in perth, australia. I feel really bad for the dude I mean he's barefoot, hair is in knots, looks like he hasn't washed in years, and is obviously mental. Why don't people help them? I mean I can't find any numbers here as to where to report his situation, surely mental people who are homeless should be looked after before bloody able bodied sheltered people looking for handouts from the government? Breaks my heart seeing this guy I tell you.

http://forums.homeless.org.au/showthread.php?t=7

RossFixxxed

If the guy wants help (i.e. is not a junkie and totally unappreciative) then lets do something nice for Christmas and get him sorted out.

Btw I remember a homeless guy on the radio, that set up a tent, got the postman to call it 10 RossFixxxed road or whatever, and got a job since he had a fixed address, and then got into a flat. Amazing story really, but a determined guy....

R

Zulu

Ask him if he appricate hot soup the next time you are passing.
You could then bring him down a thermos of soup, and collect it when you're finished your class.
You could do this as often as you'd like.

tallaghtoutlaws

Zulu wrote: »

Ask him if he appricate hot soup the next time you are passing.
You could then bring him down a thermos of soup, and collect it when you're finished your class.
You could do this as often as you'd like.

I used to do this over Christmas when I worked in Dublin City in retail near ten years ago. Myself and one of the 2 guys I worked with used to give a homeless guys a flask of soup and a couple of sandwiches every day we were on. He used to wander between liffey st and the Ha'penny bridge. I eventually got talking to one of these guys that go around helping the homeless as she couldn't figure out where he was getting the food from. And between us and her he was kept fed. Our shop even bought him a new jumper to throw on him. It turns out he ended up getting off the street into one of the homeless shelters. But he died about 5 years ago he got some sort of infection in his blood and never got it treated and it hacked away at him for years. Poor Guy. I was always told they would rather food than money in most situations. After all they are always hungry and if they are addicted to alcohol or drugs the money will be spent on those.

RPGGAMER

MagicMarker wrote: »

Literally speaking, this is true. But I think the gesture itself is worth a lot more than the food ever will be.

thats so true, letting him know there is good people like yourself that care about him might motivate him to pick himself up out of the gutter. Homelessness must be very lonely and loneliness makes people give up and maybe your gesture would go a long way. saying you care is a very powerful force and has a great knock on effect in peoples lives. small things can really make a difference. if more people had your care then the country wouldnt be "banjaxed":D

suitseir

Might be an idea to give the Simon community a ring and ask them. Ask them if in their opinion, it would be wise to give him a few Euro for something to eat. Maybe if you give them the location, they may be able to help. In a lot of cases these homeless people are just down in their luck and in some cases, they choose this way of life after some catastrophe in their lives. It is nice to know that someone like you cares because you always assume people are SO busy in their privileged lives, they don't even notice this blight on our city streets. I am a regular visit to Dublin city and it does hit you like a ton of bricks when you are not used to looking at it everyday. From you description, he seems to be a middle aged person and by and large, these people are helpless more than dangerous. The younger ones begging, I would be wary of, as they could be a little more risky to approach.

patrickc

working with dublin simon as said before ring the rough sleeper team on 018720185, someone will be with him as soon as they can and the odds are he's known to them, 98% of the homeless population would be.

bottletops

This reminds me of a time when I lived in Norwich a few years ago. Strangely enough, outside a gym on a freezing cold night there was a homeless guy, wearing every piece of tattered clothes he had. He was just sat there looking into space. I walked past and went home, but I couldn't stop thinking about him sitting there. I was heading out a half hour later so I warmed up some soup and brought it down to him. He was so so happy. I said I'm sorry I couldn't offer more. He said.... and I still get a lump in my throat when I think back... "You may think this soup will warm me up tonight but it won't warm me up half as much as the thoughts that there are still people out there who care about others". Anyway I got talking to him, and he was a very educated man who had lost the run of his life, lost his job, wife and kids and house. He wouldn't stay in the shelters as he said they were full of drugs and people stealing his stuff (All he had was a trolley full)

So when we see people like this, I think we all need to take a minute to think is there anything we can do, no matter how small. Any one of us could end up in this situation one day.

LegacyUser

Zulu wrote: »

Ask him if he appricate hot soup the next time you are passing.
You could then bring him down a thermos of soup, and collect it when you're finished your class.
You could do this as often as you'd like.

+1

or if the gym has a tea/coffee machine, make one and ask him if he'd like a cuppa as you're passing, it will test the waters anyway.

iMax

OP, buy him a hat, scarf & gloves in Dunnes or somewhere. (throw in a sandwich too if you want). Your gift of food will be immediately gratifying but the clothing will last longer for him.

K_P

OP, I used to feel the same way as you and always give money to homeless people. My justification was that even if they're spending it to feed an addiction, it's better for them to get money given to them than having to steal for it or whatever.

Anyway, I've ended up working in housing and since then I've stopped giving. The truth is, there is no shortage of beds for homeless people in Dublin. It doesn't mean the homelessness problem is solved - there's a lot more behind a person being homeless than the lack of a bed. But the basic services are out there. By giving people money, you're making their way of life sustainable. Each day that living on the streets is financially viable, is one day further away from them accessing the services they need that can help them long-term.

Dublin City Council run a "Night Bus" service. Ring either of these numbers:
9am-5pm 01 703 6100.
After 5pm phone 1800 724 724 or <snip>
They'll come find you, find accommodation for you and bring you there. Even if the hostels are all full, they'll get you into a B&B. They also provide food and blankets. So if you want to help out that guy, you could give him those numbers, though chances are he already knows about them.

I'd also suggest donating to one of the many charities out there providing services to the homeless - Focus Ireland, Simon Community, Peter McVerry Trust, Salvation Army, The DePaul Trust, CrossCare, etc.

chillywilly

you seem like a very nice person OP! bless you:) Im sure theres no harm in offering him some food/have a chat with him. It might brighten up his day!

beth-lou

OP, you sound like a lovely and kind and generous person and it is heartbreaking to see homeless people out on the street on a cold night. My brother was homeless for the last few years and we tried everything to get him to sort himself out, but he was in a very dark place and no one could really help him because of his addictions. This person is probably in the same situation, and he probably isn't in a hostel because he wants to drink or take drugs and that's not allowed in the hostels or maybe they are just too dangerous and uncomfortable fo him. Some of the stories I have heard from my brother about some of the hostels are quite disturbing. So maybe he feels safer on the street.

I think maybe ask him what he would like, as has been suggested and the offer of a hat and warm gloves is a good one, and maybe some thick socks too.

Thankfully my brother has gone into a place called Cuan Mhuire to get the help he so desperately needs. Sometimes it takes them a while to come around to change, but the suggestion may be helpful to your friend.

I think the gesture will be greatly appreciated and I suppose it is nice to know you are not ignored by all just because you are down on your luck.
Do what you can, but try not to get too emotionally involved if you can.

Best of luck. x

peanuthead

You see, the thing is, and this is purely speculation, but I think he's Polish or something. He definitely doesn't look Irish, but then again, I'm always mistaken for being Polish myself and I'm Irish to the core!! I'm worried that he is not aware that he can get help, or he is but doesn't know where to go.

Auldloon

patrickc wrote: »

working with dublin simon as said before ring the rough sleeper team on 018720185, someone will be with him as soon as they can and the odds are he's known to them, 98% of the homeless population would be.

Thats by far the best advise.

patrickc

K_P wrote: »

OP, I used to feel the same way as you and always give money to homeless people. My justification was that even if they're spending it to feed an addiction, it's better for them to get money given to them than having to steal for it or whatever.

Anyway, I've ended up working in housing and since then I've stopped giving. The truth is, there is no shortage of beds for homeless people in Dublin. It doesn't mean the homelessness problem is solved - there's a lot more behind a person being homeless than the lack of a bed. But the basic services are out there. By giving people money, you're making their way of life sustainable. Each day that living on the streets is financially viable, is one day further away from them accessing the services they need that can help them long-term.

Dublin City Council run a "Night Bus" service. Ring either of these numbers:
9am-5pm 01 703 6100.
After 5pm phone 1800 724 724 or 086 815 0763.

They'll come find you, find accommodation for you and bring you there. Even if the hostels are all full, they'll get you into a B&B. They also provide food and blankets. So if you want to help out that guy, you could give him those numbers, though chances are he already knows about them.

I'd also suggest donating to one of the many charities out there providing services to the homeless - Focus Ireland, Simon Community, Peter McVerry Trust, Salvation Army, The DePaul Trust, CrossCare, etc.

it's a fact that theres not enough beds for the homeless population, if everyone of them where to take a bed on any given night there would not be enough beds.

crosstownk

I worked for Day Centre that fed homeless people. It can be heart wrenching.

If you feel that you want to help him out then do. Remember that he may not want what you have to offer so if your offer is rejected don't react or be offended.

Homeless people tend to live for the now, so if you help him he will most likely be grateful and will probably not expect the same assistance tomorrow.

Having worked with the homeless, I find myself unable to pass them since, whether it's an offer of food or money.

mcyclist

PeakOutput wrote: »

having said that and its nothing personal op but i do think gestures like these are fairly empty he will be hungry again tomorrow night but you will for some reason feel better about yourself for ages.

Cannot agree that it is an empty gesture. Social contact will be highly appreciated even though there might be some initial suspicion.

iandublin

OP, was the man at the council gym in clondalkin. I was going into the gym last night and saw a homeless man set up for the night. after the gym i went to dunnes, got him coca cola, breakfast drink, some orange juice, some cake rolls, then went off to the roma takeaway and got him a smoked cod and chips. brought it back and he was very grateful. i stuck a tenner in his hand too in case he wanted to buy some booze given how cold it was. He started tucking into the chips and fish even before I left him so giving some food does help homeless people too as well as giving your time and money.

K_P

patrickc wrote: »

it's a fact that theres not enough beds for the homeless population, if everyone of them where to take a bed on any given night there would not be enough beds.

I'm not sure where you're getting that from, but of the many problems in homeless service provision, a lack of emergency beds doesn't seem to be one of them.

peanuthead

iandublin wrote: »

OP, was the man at the council gym in clondalkin. I was going into the gym last night and saw a homeless man set up for the night. after the gym i went to dunnes, got him coca cola, breakfast drink, some orange juice, some cake rolls, then went off to the roma takeaway and got him a smoked cod and chips. brought it back and he was very grateful. i stuck a tenner in his hand too in case he wanted to buy some booze given how cold it was. He started tucking into the chips and fish even before I left him so giving some food does help homeless people too as well as giving your time and money.

Yes, the clondalkin leisure centre?

I am delighted to hear that he had some hot food last night. Bless you. Thats him alright. I will be heading that way myself tonight, and I am also going to call the Simon Community to let them know about him. Maybe you could do the same, the more phone calls the better?