Does my friend fancy me?

olazabal

Ok, I previously posted here on issues that I have with regard to fancying a close friend.

Basically we used to work together and became very good friends. Meet up regularly. Speak on the phone several times a week. And basically of the positives and negatives of life with each other.

I am very shy and reserved until people get to know me, and never really have had any success with girls through my own failure to push things at times.

This girl is good looking, fun, and very outgoing. She is not in a relationship and I fear that she will meet somebody and my chance will go.

I have fallen head over heels with her and this has been nagging at me now for over a year. I would have thought that she wouldn't share my feelings, but that she does think the world of me as a friend. But maybe wants a relationship with somebody more exciting. I am biased but do think that we could be very happy together!

Today she phoned me down in the dumps, about how she is lonely on her own, hates the Christmas, and worries about being single going into the future. We generally do not talk in detail about relationships but I cannot read if she is talking to me as a friend, or is she hinting that she would like us to try a relationship.

We know each other 3 years, and it would seem strange to me that she would be thinking like this now. She has been out of a relationship for nearly 2. It is doing my head in - I would like to make a genuine move, but do value her friendship. I would expect taht she would not make the first move, but.............

Any thoughts, readings of the situation would be appreciated.

MagicMarker

You value your friendship, that's great. But you really don't want to be her friend, so what's the point?

Ask her out, if she says yes then all is well. If she says no then you'll feel like ****, but you'll get over and move on with your life eventually.

If you say nothing, then you'll have to meet every boyfriend, hear every detail of every relationship and be the go to guy when they have a fight, all the while you'll be be feeling this intense jealous rage and it will consume your whole life.

Now, which of those options sound good to you?

View Profile

Yeah go for it!

Life's too short.

challengemaster

Just take the chance. You're already worried you might miss it, imagine how bad you'll feel if you do miss it? Certainly being said 'no' to won't be worse.

olazabal

I know you are right in what you are saying.

But do ye think she sees me as a sounding board - are is she egging me on to ask the question?

If only these things were easy!

Zebra3

OP,

If you don't wanna ask her outright (not yet anyway), the next time you see her just casually ask her if she has met anyone she likes.

Imo if she says no, then she's not really hinting at you to try it on with her, but if she coyly says yes or just blushes, maybe there is something there....

Anyone opinions on that?

Ann22

Could you get a mutual friend to subtly ask her how she feels? Or you could come out with it in a joky way so that if she doesn't respond you can always let on you weren't serious. My oh sent his mate up to me in a pub one night to ask if he (my oh) asked me out what would I say...if i'd said 'no' he would've said 'he wasn't actually going to ask you, he was just wondering'. As it happened I didn't say 'yeah' or 'no', just that i was already with someone but he hovvered around for weeks until I did:).

Bottle_of_Smoke

Ann22 wrote: »

Could you get a mutual friend to subtly ask her how she feels? Or you could come out with it in a joky way so that if she doesn't respond you can always let on you weren't serious. My oh sent his mate up to me in a pub one night to ask if he (my oh) asked me out what would I say...if i'd said 'no' he would've said 'he wasn't actually going to ask you, he was just wondering'. As it happened I didn't say 'yeah' or 'no', just that i was already with someone but he hovvered around for weeks until I did:).

And continue living the sham friendship they currently have? What's the point in that.

OP. Your value in the friendship is biased by the fact that you want more. If you've fallen in love with her then other guys will. She's probably just not confident enough or something.

That will change, when she gets a boyfriends she'll spend less time with you and you will get bitter because you don't want to see her happy with someone else. If she doesn't realise you have feelings her boyfriend will.

Her not being interested won't ruin the friendship once you don't start accusing her of leading you on.

Have a few drinks together and tell her you've started having feelings. Maybe wait til after christmas time or you might get a false positive. Or send an email. Just be clear that you don't feel led on by her.

Graham_B18C

Good advise by previous posters, I was absolutel mad about a VERY close friend of mine for years, always thought there would be no chance of anything ever happening but...after the shock of me telling her I liked her one night wore off, she started feeling the same way.

Been with her 3 years now!

Just go for it, you'd be mad to let her get away without even trying.

And the thing about being lonely at Christmas, I think thats reason enough to tell her how you feel. Best of luck!

robjones

go for it - thats the advice I think - and good luck

maybe suss the situation out a bit more, get her talking about relationships in general, maybe drop a few hints yourself, see if that gets any response from her etc

and post a picture of her here also:D

LegacyUser

Look friends are great, we all know that. But in the end, they are nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to finding someone you love, someone you will spend the rest of your life with. Now, if its a thing that someone is your best friend and one week you think maybe we could be a good couple, I might fancy her, then there is a case to be made for saying what about potential damage to the friendship...But given that you seem to be in love with this girl for years, this probably isn't a case like that.

If you don't do this, out of fear or apprehension or whatever, you are wasting your life. You will realise this someday but it might be too late. There's nothing noble about staying out of the game. If you love somebody and let them go without a fight you are an idiot; there's no other way to look at it. I recognise that you are shy and it will be difficult but surely you don't want to be the sort of person who lets nervousness cheat them out of possibly the greatest thing that could ever happen to them, or indeed anybody.

I'm sorry if this is overly harsh, but in my opinion, if you don't go for this you are a truly awful person.

Wagon

Go for it. I fancied a friend of mine for years and when i finally told her she rejected me with a laugh. Joy of joys, we drifted apart (my decision) and I never looked back. Absolutely no regrets about losing a "friendship" where i was pining for her every day and sitting at home close to tears as i listened to the story of the latest eejit she was seeing. Tell her and i can gaurentee you, regardless if its a "yes" or a "no" from her, that things will work out for the better.

Nevyn

Wagon please be a little more polite when choosing your turns of phrase.

Robbie23

Seriously go for it! I was in exactly the same situation as you but didn't have the balls to go for it and regret it big time!
I actually ended up not really being friends with her in the end because I couldn't stand being her big sister a la milhouse and listening to her talk about men.

Snowie

some times you gotta just take the bull buy the neck and wreatle it..

my point being ie done it, she never gave an answer.... which is quite a typical thing for her to do that was 3 years ago where still friends, we've travelled and been all over the place apart but if your friend ship is strong youle be abl to rmain friends...

dont just blurt it out... i would reomend becaue its close to christmas, and its the time when any idiot can romance a lady..... bring her ice skating.. breaks the phisical contact barrier and can lead to something then a nice meal in an itlain no need to break the bank plus its a safe bet tht women like italian.. see what happens.....

good luck

JDLK

olazabal wrote: »

Ok, I previously posted here on issues that I have with regard to fancyin

Today she phoned me down in the dumps, about how she is lonely on her own, hates the Christmas, and worries about being single going into the future. We generally do not talk in detail about relationships but I cannot read if she is talking to me as a friend, or is she hinting that she would like us to try a relationship.

I know everyone is telling you to go for it but this is just a different point of view- she's depressed and lonely, If you do get with her now how will you know she's not just settling/trying to make herself feel better?

cantdecide

JDLK wrote: »

I know everyone is telling you to go for it but this is just a different point of view- she's depressed and lonely, If you do get with her now how will you know she's not just settling/trying to make herself feel better?

If the OP stays there with his feelings bottled up, he'll give himself a turn. If she doesn't want to be with him on any level, she won't buckle and give in becasue she's a bit down.

I agree with the others, OP. Friendships end and people drift apart every day, it's a sad fact of life. There's no point being stuck in Friendsville with your dream woman so-close-and-yet-so-far when you could be finding someone who could make you truly happy.

Just open your mouth and say the words, OP- it literally only takes a second or two.

stevie.enright

Agreed with what OP's are suggesting in general. Now may be the best time to strike when the iron's hot. Chances are if she is as you say, shes a good looking girl and possibly looking for a relationship she won't be left on the shelf for too long.

My suggestion is that next time you are talking to her and she mentions that she's feeling low again say "Hey, I know what you need a good night out" and arrange to go out the following weekend to a few pubs and possibly a niteclub depending on how the night progresses. Buy her drinks/ chat to her/ take her dancing/ whatever makes are happy and towards the end of the night make a move. If it blows up in your face (which I doubted) you would at least have the excuse that you had drink on board so your behaviour was a bit irrational. Best of luck with it but as I say please don't leave it go too long...