What should I do?

LegacyUser

Hey there,

Im a member but am going unreg for this.

Tonight something happened and I dont know what to do.

Firstly let me give you a bit of background.At the moment my Dad is in hospital, he has luekemia and a heart disease - they are not holding out much hope. I have moved home to look after him, so I have spent the most of the last 2 weeks with him in the hospital. Its been tough.

Anyway theres a guy Ive known for the last couple of months, i met him before I moved away and when I moved back, we got talking again. We have been talking for the last week or so and I arranged to meet him tonight. I told him nothing was gonna happen between us romantically as I am not in a good place at the moment with my Dad and that. So anyway, we meet and go for a drive. And he ends up trying it on. I tell him 3 times no but he forced himself on me.

I jumped out of the car and ran off to get a taxi. Ive told no one as my mam doesnt even know I was meeting him.

He has texted me a couple of times since I got home but I havent texted him back. I am terrified now.

What will I do? I think I will need the morning after pill....does anyone know where I can get it? And how much it costs?

Im sorry for the long post but I didnt know what else to do.

Thanks for your help in advance

dudara

feelingstupid wrote: »

And he ends up trying it on. I tell him 3 times no but he forced himself on me.

Did you have intercourse? If so, and you weren't consenting then this is rape, and you shoulf definitely consider contacting the police.

I think I will need the morning after pill....does anyone know where I can get it? And how much it costs?

If you had unprotected intercourse, then you need to consider the morning after pill and an STI check. The MAP is most effective when taken within 72 hours of intercourse, so you'll need to get it within that timeframe.

Pj!

Get the pill as soon as you can.

AND DON'T DOUBT HOW SERIOUS THIS IS. THAT WAS RAPE! Seriously, you have to tell someone about this.

Simi

You are clearly in a lot of distress but you should really contact the police. Your description of the encounter suggests you have been raped or at the very least the victim of a serious sexual assault.

Contact the police as soon as you feel fit to do so. Save all messages that have been sent to you and show them to the police. The morning after pill is available from various sti clinics around the country depending on where you are.

girl_friday

Please go to the Gardaí about this... Preferably before you shower or anything so that they can get evidence if you wish to go ahead with pressing charges... Its not saying you have to but at least it will give you options when you have had time to think about things!!

Get to a doctor and get an sti/d test and MAP asap! You don't need anything else to add to this ordeal.

My heart goes out to you pet!! Mind yourself and do not keep this bottled up!! You need support!

Overheal

Dublin Rape Crisis Centre: http://www.drcc.ie/

Sexual Assault and Rape issues: http://www.oneinfour.org/

STD Testing: http://www.hivireland.ie/home.html

LegacyUser

OP you had better get the morning after pill asap. it sounds like you have been raped, im deeply saddened that this happened to you. as the others said, keep the txts you may need them as proof and you might wash away evidence if you shower.
Mabey you should tell someone very close to you as well as the guards. This is very serious.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your replies everyone.

Im not going to be able to get into a clinic to get the pill today as my Dad had a heart attack last night and I am going to the hospital,

Will it be ok to take it tomorrow?

Nevyn

http://www.ifpa.ie/contraception/emergency.html

How do I take them?
Emergency Contraception Pills come in a packet of two. Take the two tablets at the same time as soon as possible, preferably within 12 hours, and no later than 72 hours (3 days) after you have had unprotected sex.Swallow each tablet whole, with water if necessary. Do not delay taking the tablets. The tablets work better the sooner you take them after having unprotected sex.

How effective are emergency pills?
Of the pregnancies that could be expected to have occurred if no emergency contraception had been used the emergency pill will prevent:

* Up to 95% if taken within 24 hours
* Up to 85% if taken between 25-48 hours
* Up to 58% if taken between 49-72 hours.

So as you can see the earlier they are taken the more effective the ECPs are and most effective if the pills are taken within 24 hours. They do not work if you:

* take the pills more than 72 hours after unprotected sex
* vomit within three hours after taking the pills
* don't take the pills as instructed
* have had unprotected sex at another time, either since your last period or since taking the pills.

Queencake

I think you can get it from casualty if needs be. Don't chance it hun. Just get it asap. Please seek help even if it's just someone to lean on right on right now.

Overheal

Yeah thats a good point: you'll be at the hospital already. you can get it there, and there should be someone on staff thats trained to deal with rape issues.

Sephiroth_dude

go to the guards as well and report the prick.thats rape if he forced himself on you.

estar

there is no shame for you, and they will have dealt with this before.

words fail me for how someone could take advantage of any
one, especially someone in such an emotionally vulnerable position.

you deserve not to deal with this alone, have you siblings, cousin, aunt who can help, seeing as your mother might be fragile.

confide in one of them immediately.

all my best wishes.

LegacyUser

I dont want to tell anyone and I dont want to get the police involved.

I just want to forget about it. I started having period pains today and some light bleeding so my period is on the way - do I still need to take the pill?

jen_23

Oh you poor pet.

Your'e going through so much right now, you do need to talk to a friend or relative about what happened. you will need the support.

Don't take chances and get the pill asap. As mentioned it's most effective within 24 hours. Also std check is v important.
When you feel up to it report this. keep all the texts and anything else you may have as evidence of this.

It's not right what happened and he obv took advantage of your fragile state.
Speak to a doctor about what happened if youre not ready to report it and he/she will be able to further advise you.

Good luck

r3nu4l

feelingstupid wrote: »

I dont want to tell anyone and I dont want to get the police involved.

I just want to forget about it.

That's a natural reaction but who knows how many other girls this guy will force himself on in the future. Right now you are also in a bit of shock and the full impact of what happened may not yet have hit you. I would urge you to contact the gardaí as soon as possible. This guy needs to be held to account for what he did.

RossFixxxed

I hope you haven't even read this far on this thread OP, and that you have gone for help to the Gardai and or the rape crisis centre. Go now!

Queencake

Please consider reporting the attack. My heart goes out to you but my blood boils at the thought of this guy getting away with such a horrible crime.

sticker

Report the guy - If you don't, he'll assume it's acceptable behavour and do it again to someone else...

McGinty

I dont want to tell anyone and I dont want to get the police involved.

I just want to forget about it. I started having period pains today and some light bleeding so my period is on the way - do I still need to take the pill?

Dear Op

I was very sad reading your post, I can understand that you just want to focus on your dad right now, but please, please consider reporting this guy.

I am going to be blunt here, I was not only sexually abused for many years, but as an adult I was raped. I did what you plan to do: that is forget about it and go on with your life.

I am sorry to say you won't be able to forget this, maybe you think you did wrong in meeting the man, maybe you think you did wrong by going back to his place, or maybe you feel wrong that you had a drink or two, etc, etc. So maybe you feel right now you are at fault or maybe you hope it will go away. If you think any of the above, you are wrong, maybe you won't feel that but you are.

I used to think I could do that too Op, you won't be able to forget it, your body has been violated and this person ignored that your dad is ill, they transgressed your wishes on many accounts and they raped you. Yes you could put your head down and hope it goes away but it won't. It will eat into every part of your life, yes it will be painful to recount what has happened now, but if you leave it, the pain will grow and grow like a cancer and every part of your life will be affected, you will grow to hate yourself more and more because you did nothing. Yes I sound dramatic, but I am speaking from experience. It is only now I am reporting the person who abused me, and it is too late for me to deal with the person who raped me, I have had years of therapy in trying to deal with it and I hope you won't have to, maybe you will need some help but the longer you leave it, the worse it gets, that much I know.

hobochris

As everyone else has said this is not your fault and you shouldn't have to suffer for it.

Personally I think people like this should have their balls cut of with a rusty nail and fed to them but apparently that's a bit extreme in the eyes of the law. You should see this through to court and make sure he gets everything he has coming to him. I'm sure your dad(who I'm sorry to hear about Btw) wouldn't want you to let this pathetic excuse for a "man" get away with this.

Go to the Garda and the rape crisis. I know this is seems a bit crued, but put the knickers panty liner from that night in a selable plastic bag. his semen sample can be used as evidence. also do the same with the clothes you were wearing.

Doc

You poor thing my hart realy goes out to you.

If penetration accrued or you feel at any risk then do get the morning after pill I don’t know if you can get it in pharmacies over the counter in Ireland you can in England.

For your own sake you can not let this go unanswered I know that you are going through a lot with what is happening to your father but if he wasn’t so ill and knew what had happen what do you think he would say about going to the police?

LegacyUser

I watched my Dad suffer with cancer and a heart condition, it was heartbreaking. I can hardly imagine how difficult it must be to also cope with the attack that has happened to you. You are putting your father and your family before yourself, I understand that. But a very serious physical and pschological ordeal has happened to you. You need looking after right now too. Please talk to someone. Let us know how things are with you. x

LegacyUser

Hey everyone,

I went to the Well woman centre today and got the morning after pill. It was the most embarrassing thing I have ever had to do and I never want to repeat it ever again. I started getting period pains yesterday so I think they are on the way.

I really don't want to go down the route of the gardai at the moment. Not even just for my dad but my whole family doesn't need the extra stress to be honest. I really just want to forget about it and move on with my life.

I know what everyone is saying about reporting him etc but I don't think I will survive it if I do - especially not at the moment.

LegacyUser

Dear OP, I respect your decision if you do not feel able to go through with reporting to the Gardai at the moment, with all that is going on. Although I have never been in the position, I think that they would make it as easy upon you as possible - you are the victim here and they have a duty to you.

But what I wanted to suggest was, you can still get support from the rape crisis centre even if you choose not to report it. They also have to respect your decision on how you feel you can cope with the situation, but they can help you in other ways without going down that route. They would be able to help you in terms of counselling and support from people who have been in the same position. Please think about phoning them. I'm sure you can do it anonymously at first and then if you feel they are helpful you could go in and see someone. Things might get very lonely in the coming weeks and months if you try to deal with this all alone, and are trying not to add to your mum's worries as well. Please just talk to someone about it. Best wishes.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

feelingstupid wrote: »

I dont want to tell anyone and I dont want to get the police involved.

I just want to forget about it. I started having period pains today and some light bleeding so my period is on the way - do I still need to take the pill?

Yes.

OP, you have posted here looking for help or sympathy? What annoys me is that you are not prepared to do anything about this SERIOUS offence. This man that has done this to you will now know that he will get away with it. If not for your own sake, do not be selfish as this man may strike again on another woman. She may not be so lucky and get away with her life like you did.

It's horrible what happened to you, but you need to be strong and do something about it.

Overheal

feelingstupid wrote: »

I know what everyone is saying about reporting him etc but I don't think I will survive it if I do - especially not at the moment.

whats that supposed to mean? Are you afraid of this person?

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Overheal wrote: »

whats that supposed to mean? Are you afraid of this person?

I would think so overheal...

Does that mean that he will kill you op? Do you think that?>

RugbyFanatic

Overheal wrote: »

whats that supposed to mean? Are you afraid of this person?

I think shes referring to not being able to survive the extra stress that will come with reporting a rape to the gardai whilst her dad is so ill.

I still think you should report it ASAP though

LegacyUser

No I dont think he will kill me. I am afraid of him but not to that extent.

What I meant by the post was that I wouldnt survive it emotionally. I am not strong enough at the moment to do anything.

@Iamxavier: I posted looking for advice. I am not being selfish. I am looking after my own mental health at the moment. My dad could die in the next few days and I dont want to have all this hanging over my head.

I have told a very close friend of mine tonight, so I have someone to talk to.