Lonely

jenny4385

Hi,
i need advice on ways to make friends! as pathetic as it sounds i am very shy and have no self confidence. I d love to be one of those people who has loads of friends to go out with but i somehow manage to drive them away. sitting in every evening and weekend is doing my head in. my boyfriend in same boat and it just feels like if we broke up no one would notice if i disappeared with the exception of my family. i dont think i have the confidence to just go out by myself
HELP before i die of boredom

cantdecide

jenny4385 wrote: »

Hi,
i need advice on ways to make friends! as pathetic as it sounds i am very shy and have no self confidence. I d love to be one of those people who has loads of friends to go out with but i somehow manage to drive them away. sitting in every evening and weekend is doing my head in. my boyfriend in same boat and it just feels like if we broke up no one would notice if i disappeared with the exception of my family. i dont think i have the confidence to just go out by myself
HELP before i die of boredom

I used to beat myself up for not being gregarious. It takes a long time to realise that there's nothing wrong with you and that's simply your character. I'm not comfortable with people until I get to know them. It's a bit of a cruel and unfair trait in that when you find yourself at a loose end, it's even harder to come back up and put yourself out there. Maybe it's better than pretending you're the life and sould of the party when you're clearly a wall flower. I've often seen it happen that a shy person can end up seeing more outgoing person. That works well, but 2 shy people? You're a goal down.

cantdecide

Maybe this will help

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWUil383us4

jenny4385

if anything that video made me smile

Discodog

If you & your boyfriend are happy then why worry. I would rather spend a Saturday night with a nice girl than with any friend.

jenny4385

yea but we re not - i mean all we have is each other and its starting cracks. i want to have people i can call on friends cos when he s not around i just get down and isolated - god i sound pathetic

IrishWhite

Do you have any interests or hobbies maybe you could join a club or a society to allow you to meet similar people. I have a similar personality ie Im not very comfortable around people I dont know I took a night class a few years back and it opened up a few avenues for me socially.

Danimalito

Well I've moved around plenty. In my experience, best way to meet new friends is to be the one to take the initiative. i.e. invite the people you work/study with or whomever over for a DVD/beer night, or to meet up in the pub or whatever.

/don't/ fall into the trap of just socializing with your boyfriend - although that may seem the easiest option, i think doing that often just leads to getting bored with each other

jenny4385

prob is i just started a new job been there a few months now n just dont fit in

cantdecide

Wait to see how you fare after Christmas- you'll be more part of the furniture at that stage. Are you having a work Christmas party?? If so, this will help (maybe leave the BF @ home???? He might already be too much of a crutch at this stage). One of the best ways of stopping feeling like an outsider in work is to no longer be the noob (of course, that's out of your hands). Don't forget that there is also a basic level of weariness in people at this end of the year- the days have been getting shorter since June and it's cold and wet. It's a little bit miserable at the moment out there.

jenny4385

yea i dunno i dont really like going out without him - jsut feels like there s something missing

Serafina_jah

Hey Jenny , i'm so glad you posted that thread:D.
I am in the same situation really. Up until recently i've been sitting in every evening with my boyfriend and am starting to go crackers!!! But, he started a new job and totally loves it!! He's made lots of new friends and it makes me feel like a total tosser!! I've met them once but don't really click or something and i dunno, i want to make my own friends but find it really hard. Maybe i'm too fussy but there has to be that connection right?

I just started a thread in personal issues on friendship.

Cosantoir

there's lot of us sad people out there:eek:

abi2007

hey there is this thing called meet up.com... It's not a dating site it's for people that want to do things. they go for dinner, pubs and clubs. you join a group.. example group.. new and not so new group and salsa group. worth checking out.

jenny4385

thanks for all the posts.
even talking to people on here making me feel like less of a loner......
dont want to look back on my life in a few years and think why the hell didnt i make much more of an effort

JoeyW

Hi Jenny,

I posted yesterday but it seems to have disappeared!

You are definatly not a loner, you'd be surprised how many people feel the same way (myself included). I heartily agree, every woman should have her girlie friends to gossip with. It's just not the same with our boyfriends.

The majority of my friends have settled down now and prefer to spend quality time with their other halves whereas I on the other hand have been with my OH for 10 years and want to get away from him at weekends!!

I also have the same pronlem with my job. It's a good bit away from my home place and I really wouldn't class anyone as my friend to text or have a drink with. We don't even do lunches together.

Thank God we have 'Boards' eh?

Serafina_jah

We need to start a girlie lunching group Although I don't want to be sexiest and exclude men. Maybe a eating out or cinema group??

JoeyW

I really need to move to Dublin, I'm missing out on all the fun!

abi2007

Serafina_jah wrote: »

We need to start a girlie lunching group Although I don't want to be sexiest and exclude men. Maybe a eating out or cinema group??

sounds good!