To wear a condom or not ??

LegacyUser

Hi,
Ok I've been with my GF for the last 4 months and she's on the pill and we have sex without a condom..(we've only actually ever done it once with one on) .
The thing is of late that I'm worrying about her getting pregnant so over the last couple of weeks I've gone to put one on but everytime it ends up with her thinking I don't trust her to take her pill correctly etc and really sort of annoys her.
She has also jokingly said once or twice about me going to put a condom on that have i been seeing someone else and is that why..again this wasn't said seriously to me but I know that this is something else she's thinking too along with me not trustig her to take her pill properly...all because I want to wear a condom !

So how do I go about getting her to understand why without making her feel hurt (which she is by me wanting to wear one) or think that there's another reason behind it ??
She's gotten so used to having sex without one on me that this is where it's all coming from I think ! is it ?

I'm beginning to think I should just leave the matter be now and not try at it again ??

tbh

show her the bit in the pill leaflet that says it's best used with condoms.

chops1990

Nah man, just tell her its safer to use a johnny aswell as the pill. Cant be too careful in all fairness

LolaLuv

Tell her you don't want birth control to be her sole responsibility, because you feel that sort of pressure is unfair to her.

pierrot

tbh wrote: »

show her the bit in the pill leaflet that says it's best used with condoms.

How about the bit in the sex leaflet that says it's better without a condom?

Motley Crue

you control your birth control, she controls hers, and it removes the need for distrust. some women do like the feel of a penis without a condom but there are risks associated with your part on this and being honest, you have only been going out with her for four months, and its a little early in the relationship to be making those decisions.

tbh

pierrot wrote: »

How about the bit in the sex leaflet that says it's better without a condom?

I wouldn't know, never needed the sex leaflet.

unhappycamper

use condom and lube

TheZohanS

Always wear a condom.

My last girlfriend was on the pill and didn't like condoms, every two months or so her cycle used to be off by a few days and she use to freak out worrying that she was preggers.

It's just not worth the drama!

(plus condoms can help prevent you from getting many sti's, a girl can have chlamydia and not know it, plus you also have the HPV virus to contend with amongst many others. You're not just sleeping with your g/f; technically you're sleeping with every partner she slept with)

Chinafoot

TheZohan wrote: »

(plus condoms can help prevent you from getting many sti's, a girl can have chlamydia and not know it, plus you also have the HPV virus to contend with amongst many others. You're not just sleeping with your g/f; technically you're sleeping with every partner she slept with)

Same can be said for him. He can have chlamydia also and not know, same for HPV.

OP, were you both fully tested before you started having unprotected sex? The pill doesn't count as protection as far as STI's are concerned.

If you're not comfortable having sex without a condom then just tell her. Her feelings being hurt isn't really as important as doing your best to ensure there are no unwanted pregnancies.

Gyalist

There's a word for people like you...

Daddy

Nevyn

Gyalist that is not witty or helpful the op is trying to do his best to avoid getting his partner pregnant.

Piste

PillyPen wrote: »

Tell her you don't want birth control to be her sole responsibility, because you feel that sort of pressure is unfair to her.

Yeah this is good, make it all about how it will benefit her, and how you're only thinking of her welfare. Say something like "I hate the thought of anything bad happening to you so it will give me peace of mind knowing we're extra-safe"

Chucky the tree

If I was you OP I'd be more worried about your gf tendencies to emotionally blackmail you. If she doesnt like sex without a condom why not just say that instead of laying the guilt trip?


There's no way I'd be sending little chucky off to school without his backpack on.

star-pants

OP if you're concerned then just express this to her - surely she doesn't want to end up pregnant either? Thing is even with the pill and condoms pregnancy is still a possibility (if it breaks) but at least it's an extra barrier. She shouldn't be trying to con you out of wearing protection if you want to. Just say you'd rather be safe as possible. If she can't see that side then she's being a little silly, of course you trust her, it's just even the pill isn't 100% with the person taking it perfectly so why take a chance?

LegacyUser

tbh wrote: »

show her the bit in the pill leaflet that says it's best used with condoms.

chops1990 wrote: »

Nah man, just tell her its safer to use a johnny aswell as the pill. Cant be too careful in all fairness

PillyPen wrote: »

Tell her you don't want birth control to be her sole responsibility, because you feel that sort of pressure is unfair to her.

Excellent PillyPen I think this is a very good way of going about it, thanks

Motley Crue wrote: »

you control your birth control, she controls hers, and it removes the need for distrust. some women do like the feel of a penis without a condom.

This is why she doesn’t want me to wear one she loves it without one .

tbh wrote: »

I wouldn't know, never needed the sex leaflet.

good one

Chinafoot wrote: »

Same can be said for him. He can have chlamydia also and not know, same for HPV.

OP, were you both fully tested before you started having unprotected sex? The pill doesn't count as protection as far as STI's are concerned.

If you're not comfortable having sex without a condom then just tell her. Her feelings being hurt isn't really as important as doing your best to ensure there are no unwanted pregnancies.

I don't have any of these things and I know she doesn't either so there's no worries on this front

Yea you're right about the feelings part

Thaedydal wrote: »

Gyalist that is not witty or helpful the op is trying to do his best to avoid getting his partner pregnant.

Thank you

Piste wrote: »

Yeah this is good, make it all about how it will benefit her, and how you're only thinking of her welfare. Say something like "I hate the thought of anything bad happening to you so it will give me peace of mind knowing we're extra-safe"

Yea that was some great advise by PillyPen I think I’ll go with that

Chucky the tree wrote: »

If I was you OP I'd be more worried about your gf tendencies to emotionally blackmail you. If she doesnt like sex without a condom why not just say that instead of laying the guilt trip?

Hmmm never stopped and thought of it like that but she doesn't say it in a bad way or anything like that and she's not saying it to blackmail me she's not one of those types at all ,I think it's just she enjoys it so much without one on and doesn't want it to stop.

dreamer_ire

A friend of mine who's 21 has just told us tonight he's gonna be a dad... his gf was told it was likely she would have difficulty getting pregnant. Stupidly they took this for "you don't have to use condoms". Lesson learned! Don't fall into the trap of assuming anything is safe... as said above tell her you both have responsibility for birth control and you don't think it's fair that she should shoulder the responsibility. Having a child is one of the biggest commitments you can ever make in your life.... you should make sure whenever that time comes it's one you make not one that's thrust upon you.

Good luck

Southern Dandy

Why not suggest to her in getting the implant, it is very safe beleave me, there has been instances that people have got pregnant with it but its very very rare, there can be side effects with regards your gf's ahemm dose (hate talking about it, periods freaks me out), ask your GP about it if you have more queries but thrust me its worth it, i was in the exact same situation with my ex a while back

juanace

I'm with my girl a similar amount of time..she is on the pill (trust her totally when she says she takes it). I don't use a condom, sex is just so much better without..Do often think 'what if' but sure the only way of being totally safe is to not have sex at all which isnt really an option.

Dunno how often on forums i read of the pill not working which worries me, but from what i've read if taken properly its more effective than a condom.

Anyone any positive stories about the pill WORKING well for them, been grand so far for us??

LegacyUser

juanace wrote: »

I'm with my girl a similar amount of time..she is on the pill (trust her totally when she says she takes it). I don't use a condom, sex is just so much better without..Do often think 'what if' but sure the only way of being totally safe is to not have sex at all which isnt really an option.

Dunno how often on forums i read of the pill not working which worries me, but from what i've read if taken properly its more effective than a condom.

Anyone any positive stories about the pill WORKING well for them, been grand so far for us??

It's the exact same with me I trust her completely for taking it on time etc I never have any doubts that she doesn't but like you I find myself goin "what if" more and more often now something which I never did at first.