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He got a girl pregnant

LegacyUser · 2008-12-03 15:28:54

I just got back with my ex bf ( we only broke up because i went away travelling ) and he has just announced to me that he has got some girl pregnant. He says he doesn't even know if it is his or not but obviously cant find out until the baby comes along. I really want to be with him but htis is hanging over me now and I…

03-12-2008 3:28pm

#1

LegacyUser

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I just got back with my ex bf ( we only broke up because i went away travelling ) and he has just announced to me that he has got some girl pregnant. He says he doesn't even know if it is his or not but obviously cant find out until the baby comes along. I really want to be with him but htis is hanging over me now and I dont have a clue what to do. Any advice??? We were going to settle down and have kids together and it's bothering me that if we do have kids now, our baby wont be his first. There is a chance that he is not the father. HELP!

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#2 03-12-2008 3:32pm

dudara

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OP - you need only post an unregistered post once. It will not appear immediately until it have it has been approved by a moderator.

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#3 03-12-2008 4:33pm

cantdecide

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If you really feel like you've found each other (I have to assume you do if you planned to settle down together) then it really can't be too bizarre. If you love each other, a child with another woman from the past is not ideal but workable.

Unplanned marriages are a fact of life in this day and age. It would be different if he had cheated on you.

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#4 03-12-2008 4:42pm

Terodil

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I feel a bit confused about the timeline and the breakup. You say you only broke up because you went travelling... and you just got back together... ?

My point is, if a) travelling was enough to make you break up and b) he was quick enough to possibly father a child after you broke up and before you got back together again, then are you sure that you want to cement that relationship in marriage? Please note I'm not saying you should or you shouldn't because the answer is clearly defined by your personal standards and feelings but it's something that has struck me as surprising.

In any case I agree with cantdecide when it comes to the question itself. Make sure everything is sorted with the mother of the kid, so that you don't run into more emotional upheavals, getting used to the kid will be challenge enough. I'm sure that if you two really love each other though and planned on having kids anyway, you'll quickly adjust to the new situation and soon get to love the kid as much as your own.

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#5 03-12-2008 5:40pm

EamonnKeane

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I think there is a new pre-birth test (some of the foetus' cells enter the mother's blood) so you could ask her to take that paternity test.

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#6 03-12-2008 6:32pm

MagicMarker

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Unregistered wrote: »

I just got back with my ex bf ( we only broke up because i went away travelling ) and he has just announced to me that he has got some girl pregnant. He says he doesn't even know if it is his or not but obviously cant find out until the baby comes along. I really want to be with him but htis is hanging over me now and I dont have a clue what to do. Any advice??? We were going to settle down and have kids together and it's bothering me that if we do have kids now, our baby wont be his first. There is a chance that he is not the father. HELP!

I don't see the big issue tbh, you were broken up and he had sex with another woman, she just got pregnant.

How does this effect how you feel for your boyfriend or any kids YOU may have in the future?

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#7 03-12-2008 7:40pm

xt40

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its a very unfortunate situation but if you initiated the original breakup because it suited you to go travelling, you need to cut him some slack about this. if you didnt break up, would it have happened.? if the answer is definitely no, you should accept it and need to accept partial responsibility for this in your mind. if you dont, you will resent this for the remainder of your time together.

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#8 03-12-2008 7:49pm

metrovelvet

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MagicMarker wrote: »

I don't see the big issue tbh, you were broken up and he had sex with another woman, she just got pregnant.

How does this effect how you feel for your boyfriend or any kids YOU may have in the future?

It's actually a pretty big deal. He will have to pay maintenance and he may or may not have a relaltionship with the child. He may be there for the birth, he may be there for birthdays and graduations, OP may be a step mother too and have this child in her life for her forseeable future. The child may grow to love her, she may grow to love the child. If her bf has nothing to do with the child, then she will be with a deadbeat dad,and if I were here, would find this very hard to trust.

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#9 04-12-2008 2:23pm

The Corinthian

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As to the long-term implications to a relationship that his having a child might have, I posted on this recently.

Much of it comes down to what you are willing to accept from the above and what his involvement is. If he does not want to be involved with the child, while unfortunate for it, it is hypocritical in this day and age to damn him, unless we are to equally damn every woman who has ever chosen to opt for abortion or adoption too, if he does, then the post above may well be relevant to your future together.

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