Don't think I can carry on

LegacyUser

I have attempted to post here a few times, without sucess. Each time I type the words, I just delete and soilder on for another day. The thing is I am having serious suicidal thoughts. I am debt up to my eyes,people are now ringing looking for money and I just feel like I can't go on anymore. I have silently suffered this over the last two years. It is getting to the stage where not only am I thinking sucide but also have fantasies about being killed in an accident just so I can feel some sort of release from this pressure. I can't sleep, and when I do I am starting to visualise being dead. I have this recurring dream that the word "sucide" is etched into my arm. The funny thing is I am terrified of dying, I just can't cope with the pressure. Nobody knows that I am feeling like this, I mean nobody. My parnter is aware of our finanical state, but I just can't tell him how I feel because it would devestate him. I just say that I feel very strained about our situation.To the outside world I'm a happy go lucky person, house, car, kids. I am very good a putting on a brave face and if anyone knew it was me who posted this they would be shocked. I appear to be a strong person. I can't go to the doctor, because I just can't afford to go. I can't ring anyone because I just can't get the words out of my mouth. I can't even cry, because the tears won't come out, I'm numb. I just want to lie down and go asleep, I don't think I can carry on like this much longer.

Curvy Vixen

You have to talk to someone OP.....

Can you talk to your GP? They may be able to help if you are depressed...

If it's suicidal thoughts you're having then the Samaritans are great..

Samaritans ~ What ever you are going through, whether you think it is big or small, you don't have to bottle it up.

At Samaritans we offer confidential, non-judgemental support 24 hours a day.

Phone: 1850 60 90 90

littlefriend

Don't worry about your partner. You need help with this. If you can't tell him what is wrong then write it on a piece of paper and hand it to him. Ring the samaritans for some advice. Stay alive, don't go

Wibbs

From the links page; The Samaritans are a well trained group of volunteers available to talk to you about any problems or life grievances you wish to talk about. www.samaritans.org or email jo@samaritans.org to get trained samaritan help via email. Alternatively dial 1850-609090 to speak in privacy and confidentiality. This is a link showing local samaritans in Ireland
http://www.samaritans.org/talk_to_so...h/ireland.aspx

If the doctor is not an option this is the way to go. You don't have to go through this alone.

I would also advise MABS as a way to look at your options with debt.

http://www.mabs.ie/process/step3.html

I know the usual reply is this difficulty will pass. It's the usual and obvious one because its true. It may not feel like that at the moment. Anything but. The one thing in life we can be sure of is change and that change can come from unexpected sources.

wolfpawnat

Right, sadly I have had bad days but I have never been suicidal, all I can say is call MABS and they will help sort you out. They will make sure that the payments are somewhat plausible. Please dont do anything drastic until you have checked all your avenues

luckat

OP, first thing: go and talk to MABS. http://www.mabs.ie/

MABS Helpline 1890 283 438

MABS Email Helpline helpline@mabs.ie

I know just where you are. Everything's going around in circles - just as you're trying to get one thing steady in your head, another comes in and blindsides you.

You just have to get control of them. MABS will help you with this, by setting up structured payments that you can afford, and helping you to talk to your debtors, and to work out how to spend less but still live well enough.

For goodness sake don't kill yourself over money. Mad idea!

When you've talked to MABS, talk to your partner. He'll probably scream and shout - but if he does, it's only words.

You can get out of this hole; you just need help and kindness to do it.

Atomic Pineapple

luckat wrote: »

OP, first thing: go and talk to MABS.

For goodness sake don't kill yourself over money. Mad idea!

Exactly, if you have your life and your health and family then just sort it out, theres plenty of help available both for your state of mind and your financial situation.

My father is 51 and currently only has days if even that to live because cancer has destroyed his entire body, what he would give to be in your position so dont do anything stupid and open up to the help thats available

LegacyUser

I am sorry to hear about your situation but have you thought about what committing suicide will do to your kids? Think back to when you were the age they are now. Now think about all the memories you have of your mother from that day on. You will deprive them of those experiences if you kill yourself.

My friends mum took her life when he was young. To say it didn't heavily impact upon his life would be a lie.

darragh o meara

dont give up hope, as stated earlier, speak to someone sooner rather than later. If anything do it for your family and friends thier the people who need you most

FutureGuy

Firstly, get comfortable writing here. No one knows who you are so don't be afraid to post anything that you are thinking about.

Secondly, there is no problem in your post that cannot be fixed. You must realise that! Suicide is not the answer here my friend Even here, there are plenty of people here who are happy to listen and to give advise.

The posters before me have listed some great options. The Samaritans and MABS will help with both you and your finances free of charge. The best thing you can do today is to ring both of them and be as honest as you can about things. The more information you give, the more help you will get.

So do it today...once you do, alot of your worries will be lifted because you will have people helping you out of this situation.

MABS Helpline: 1890 283 438
Samaratans : 1850 60 90 90

Let your partner know how you are feeling. To have someone constantly there for you is so important. The most important thing is do not bottle it up...I have seen first hand what bottling up something does to a person (my Dad). When he eventually told us what was wrong (a business contract problem), you could visibly see the weight being lifted. I can imagine you in that same situation as my dad was, and I know if you seek the help that people here have advised, you will literally cut you problem in half.

Loobie

You must get help, I know how you feel because I was there once and even planned my own suicide, but I got help from my doctor and now I'm ok. You will really feel mush better if you go to see the doc. Most probably you are suffering from clinical depression which is a genuine illness and can be treated successfully, your family need you, now matter what you think at the moment. You will get better and will be able to cope then with your other problems.

Karen_*

OP I think you're either having a breakdown or heading for one. You need to stop trying to soldier on and tell someone what's happeneing even your GP. You're going to make yourself ill carrying on the way you are. You need care and looking after by someone as you're so down. Once you ask for help things will start to get better. Remember that nothing stays the same and your situation will change and so will how you feel now.

Trinity

OP please listen. You cannot possibly carry this burden by yourself any longer. You should speak to your partner and believe me it wont fix things but it will lift the burden ever so slightly and thats what you need right now.

This will pass with help, not on its own. Its not the end of the line, many links have been posted here with numbers of people that can help you.

The first step is the hardest, but please take it. Pick up the phone. Its almost christmas, one of the most expensive times of the year but also one of the most important times for family to be together, you have to be strong for your children.

One phone call will show you there is hope as currently you feel there is none. It wont solve everything but it will get the ball rolling in the right direction.

the glass woman

[QUOTE=FutureGuy;58123459 there is no problem in your post that cannot be fixed. You must realise that! Suicide is not the answer here my friend [/QUOTE]

That is it in a nutshell. Suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a TEMPERARY problem. I would really urge you to see a doctor. If you are suffering from depression then he can relieve it by prescribing antidepressants which will enable you to see things clearer and then sit down with your partner first, then mabs, and put a manageable plan into action. You WILL pull through this but you do have to start taking the first steps. The very best of luck OP.

Millie

Please, please, please do not do this.
My father took his own life for this very reason...money worries (which we were not aware of).
To say it left my family devastated is the understatment of the decade.
Please do not do this to your husband and children.
Please speak to someone and this can be over come.
Your life and presence is much more precious to your family than any amount of money.

LegacyUser

Please please please ring samaritans and MABS. Suicide is not a way out. It's not something that "relieves" the pressure.You're gone.You don't get a chance to come back, to less pressure.That's it, as was said before, it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
And worse, you leave your kids and partner to deal with the fact that you killed yourself AND your debts, on their own.Don't do it, you can get help.
Go to Samaritans, a counsellor, and MABS. Nobody is going to judge you for saying what you've just written. You're a person who has a solvable problem and a whole life ahead of you. Put it this way. In 2/5/10 years you will look back at this and say it sucked but you got through, and you learned, and you're stronger, and your life is good.You DON'T get to look back like that if you're dead.
If not for yourself then for the sake of your kids, get help.There are people who can help you and the strongest people out there are those that admit they've got a problem.

unhappycamper

Please OP follow the good advice as posted above, life is too precious money isn't.

nacho libre

draffodx wrote: »

Exactly, if you have your life and your health and family then just sort it out, theres plenty of help available both for your state of mind and your financial situation.

My father is 51 and currently only has days if even that to live because cancer has destroyed his entire body, what he would give to be in your position so dont do anything stupid and open up to the help thats available

very sorry to read that. op letting your feeling out here is a good first step. as someone already said continue to use this place as an outlet for everything you are feeling right now. it might also be of comfort to you to hear from people who have felt as you do and got through it. with some professional help that is readily available you can start to feel life is worth living again. those who love you will be glad and they will support you all the way. unfortunately, some people never get that chance with their loved ones and they are left feeling utterly devastated.
i hope your partner does not have to experience that.

LegacyUser

Thank you for your replies. I do actually feel a little better, infact I'm sitting here crying but out of releif not sadness that its not all bad. This is the first time I have cried in years. I know in my post I said I had suicidal thoughts, but I wouldn't go through with it, I'm trying to overcome these feelings. I know I am suffering with depression brought on by the stress of life. I just feel like a complete and utter failure. It's just I feel so bogged down in things. I adore the ground my kids and husband walk on and I would never be able to really leave them forever. I can't ring anyone, I just can't say the words of how I feel, and I would be afraid that people will judge me. If I muster up the courage, I'll try to talk to my husband at the weekend, I just don't want to worry him, he will be so devestated and I need to keep things together. I've always been the one that people turn to, I need to be strong. I'll get on to MABs to see if there is a way forward for me. Thank you all for listening, maybe I'll keep posting here, it may give me the outlet I need.
thanks.

cantdecide

Your family needs you alive and healthy more than they need you rich. Talk to MABS and you should tell them that you are deeply, deeply depressed (let them read between the lines). You can do it this afternoon. You can't possibly know what answers they can give you or what can be done for you until you ask them. You aren't the first person to feel this way over money matters.

There will be day when you look back at this time in your life and feel foolish about what you were considering. You have to talk and talk and talk until you're blue in the face. Money is a very trivial thing to have these thoughts because of and you aren't going to be this way for the rest of your life.

I also think you have to let your husband know how you feel. He would be more devastated by you doing something than you telling him you feel this way. He won't thank you for bottling it up when he could have been helping you. Tell him he has to protect you from phone demanding phonecalls.

LegacyUser

I was there OP, there is a way out. Share your feelings with your partner. It's a partnership. It might be the catylist that will spring a financial rescue plan in to action.

Ok, I lost a car and lived differently for a while, but it wasn't that bad, it was better than the phonecalls and the nosebleed stress, nobody thought any less of me for selling up things.

Its amazing what a talk with the bank manager and a few other people can do.

Best of luck from someone who lost everything including my partner. (I am ok now, very happy)

the glass woman

Unregistered wrote: »

Thank you for your replies. I do actually feel a little better, infact I'm sitting here crying but out of releif not sadness that its not all bad. This is the first time I have cried in years. I know in my post I said I had suicidal thoughts, but I wouldn't go through with it, I'm trying to overcome these feelings. I know I am suffering with depression brought on by the stress of life. I just feel like a complete and utter failure. It's just I feel so bogged down in things. I adore the ground my kids and husband walk on and I would never be able to really leave them forever. I can't ring anyone, I just can't say the words of how I feel, and I would be afraid that people will judge me. If I muster up the courage, I'll try to talk to my husband at the weekend, I just don't want to worry him, he will be so devestated and I need to keep things together. I've always been the one that people turn to, I need to be strong. I'll get on to MABs to see if there is a way forward for me. Thank you all for listening, maybe I'll keep posting here, it may give me the outlet I need.
thanks.

I'm really glad to hear you feel a little bit better. It could have been me writing that post a year ago but in my situation is was the stress of ill health coupled with a new baby. A year on i still have some bad days directly linked to stress, but the key is recognising it and finding ways to alleviate it. I sought my gp's help plus meds and am so glad i did, and although money is tight at the moment, my prescriptions always come first. Please do keep posting, maybe even register to make it easier, as you will find it so helpful. Please pm me any time..

FutureGuy

My dear, dear woman...I'm almost in tears here too. I keep thinking back to the day my Dad finally told us that his business was in trouble. He kept that for years inside and it ate him completely alive. The night he told us, we all hugged him and after composing himself he said that "he was so afraid of what we might think". The thing is, nothing he could have said would have changed our minds about him. Together, as a family, we got through it. You WILL get through this, but you need your partners help and support. Ye are a couple, and ye will get through this as a couple.

The people you will speak to at MABS and the Samaritans are trained professionals who will not judge you in any way, shape or form. They have also heard the stories of other people in similar situations and KNOW how to deal with them, no matter how bad you think your problems are.

Trust me, they will be deligted to help. The phrase "A problem shared is a problem halved" is used so often these days, it's hard to remember that this is a literal phrase. Keep talking OP, and we'll keep listening.

lilminx

Unregistered wrote: »

Thank you for your replies. I do actually feel a little better, infact I'm sitting here crying but out of releif not sadness that its not all bad. This is the first time I have cried in years. I know in my post I said I had suicidal thoughts, but I wouldn't go through with it, I'm trying to overcome these feelings. I know I am suffering with depression brought on by the stress of life. I just feel like a complete and utter failure. It's just I feel so bogged down in things. I adore the ground my kids and husband walk on and I would never be able to really leave them forever. I can't ring anyone, I just can't say the words of how I feel, and I would be afraid that people will judge me. If I muster up the courage, I'll try to talk to my husband at the weekend, I just don't want to worry him, he will be so devestated and I need to keep things together. I've always been the one that people turn to, I need to be strong. I'll get on to MABs to see if there is a way forward for me. Thank you all for listening, maybe I'll keep posting here, it may give me the outlet I need.
thanks.

Glad to hear that you felt better after posting OP. It is so true that a problem shared is a problem halved. I'm guilty myself of holding on to fears and trying to sort it out in my own head - I guess everyone is - but as soon as you verbalise it - it always seems more manageable.

Good luck and stay strong. You should be proud of yourself for starting the process.

FutureGuy

lilminx wrote: »

Good luck and stay strong. You should be proud of yourself for starting the process.

Absolutely

Jack Sheehan

Speak to your partner, speak to samaritans, hell, even speak here but above all speak to someone. It's too much to be carrying around by yourself.

chops1990

we're only given one life. You have to get help, talk to your husband, he would much prefer to help you get through what you're feeling than losing you for good. You must talk to people so they can help you.