the doubts

littleknown

let me paint the picture. i am early 30s and have been with my gfriend for around 5 years, she is not irish and we moved to her country over a year ago, recently i am full of doubts as to where we are going,we seem to argue a lot over everything especially housework etc and i wonder if this is really a road i want to continue.the fun seems to be gone.because we live in a different country i feel quite isolated in terms of friends etc which doesnt help. i am in two minds, one tells me that this is how things are when a relationship develops ,the other says that we have reached the end and i should make a break.

what do you think?

LegacyUser

I have been in a similar situation and moved to Italy to be with my boyfriend. At first I found everything great but, as you describe, arguments developed, and suddenly I felt isolated from my family and culture. I think what you have to ask yourself is whether it is the surroundings and the lack of familiartiy with them and the lack of support from family and friends, or the relationship itself which has come under pressure. It is easy to tell if the truth be told-if you still love your girlfriend/boyfriend but still feel sad it is the unfamiliar surroundings that is causing the problem but if you are having problems in the relationship itself them they will remain no matter where you choose to live.

cantdecide

You should try a little more socialisation before giving up. There's obviously a strain on your relationship that could pass as you carve out a new life as an individual in her country.

Beruthiel

OP
Have you talked to your g/f about this?
Have ye tried to make an attempt to settle you in properly?

LegacyUser

Been there.

Moved to Uk with with English gf.

Found myself very far away from friends and soon realised we weren't compatible. We argued over everything - I'm fairly relaxed and itt was mainly housework that set her off.

I moved out - still stayed there for another few months (if only to prove to myself that I wasn't only there for her or maybe more so to say to others, "I'm not running home with my tail between my legs") and enjoyed my time more.

We are now good friends.

I joined a club or two and through work met some nice people.

Do you still see her as the one - i.e. if you were living back home, would you see it all working out a lot better?

littleknown

truth be known, i have difficulties with the whole issue of "the one" , i am rarely 100 per cent about anything let alone a partner for life, i come from a broken home so im a bit cynical about the whole idea which doesnt help i suppose. i find it hard to imagine how somebody can picture themselves with someone for ever, the idea alone scares me, this isnt to say that i dont really really like the girl but commitment is a bit of a problem , she has brought up the marriage issue and again this is where i hesitate, is this a sign that maybe she isnt for me? why the hesitation?
i feel maybe im missing this magical connection everyone describes where you just cant imagine being seperated and have to get married to ensure you are together forever , or does this really exist in this way?

this problems or issues would be the same wherever i go but i guess at home there are more distractions etc.

socialising where i am isnt that easy at all really as i have a very basic grasp of the language and its quite hard to meet people both within and outside of work,

i have tried talking but it usually ends in her crying and telling me to go home which doesnt really help anything,

really appreciate your feedback!

littleknown

anyone? you know the feeling when you dont really know what is best for you? its like being able to see both sides of the coin and not being able to distinguish which is better, obviously the grass is greener etc...but maybe it actually is...the not knowing in itself is troubling

DD

Are you sure is not home sick? My bf moved to be with me and even if we don't fight and we seem to have a great relationship and he is not too bothered living in my country, I've never seen him anywhere happier than when we go to his home.

cantdecide

What if you took a holiday together?? A 'neutral venue':p It would help seperate your feelings about each other and your situation I'd wager